Red Cave

Sauvera (Vera)

1979

"Stevie said Mom said it was okay," Vera blurts out before her brain and mouth can stop her. Her heart skips a beat and plummets into her stomach, twisting when his large eyes turn to hers.

"Is that true?" She feels her stomach acid bubbling against her navel, so she jumps up and runs toward the stairs. She knows that she threw him to the wolves, and she's aware of the punishment he'll face because of her, but she doesn't know why she lied or why she was afraid of her parents.

Lately, she's felt a string of unknown emotions masquerading behind anger, vexation, and tenderness in certain parts of her body. Stress-induced shedding, cravings for Snickers bars and Tab sodas—ironically enough, she prefers Pepsi or Sprite instead—bloating, acne on her face as well as on her back.

Sauvera nudges the door shut behind her when she enters her room, but it doesn't completely close. She mopes toward her dresser with her lips parted, then leans against it with her forearms on the surface and her breath burning her skin.

Shortly after Judith was placed in Red Cave, she awoke to blood-tinged sheets and pajama pants. Beforehand, she felt as ill as she does at that moment—sometimes worse—but lacked the guidance to help herself or the knowledge of what was happening.

"Pull yourself together, Vee," she mutters to herself, shuddering as she forces the words out. She watches goosebumps rise on her arms as they lift her tiny hairs, then she turns her head to her porcelain doll sitting on her bed.

She sniffles, exhaling air that soothes her tense body and looks at the surface of her Victorian vanity. Wooden brushes, combs, pearls, and buttons are neatly separated in small woven baskets near the top left corner's edge. She reaches for a brush, carries it to her bed, and sits on the edge. Lifting her Betty Brunette doll in one arm, she brushes her raven hair from roots to tips while humming Tired of Me by The Skyliners.

With it come memories of her older sister. The first time they heard it was on the car radio in nineteen seventy-six on Judy's sweet sixteen. She recalls them riding to the Grand Canyon to celebrate her entry into adulthood and envying the moments she shared with their aunts, Stacey, and their mother. Moments and conversations deemed grown-folks talk-slash-business.

"Vera!" Her breath hitches in her throat when she hears her brother call her name, and she whips her head to him, clutching the brush.

Shit!

"Stevie, what the hell," she whisper yells. Seeing him peek through the crack of her door makes her skin crawl. She lets out a faint scoff, then stands to her feet, leaving her doll and brush in her place. She walks closer to him, noticing the dark look he's giving her, which makes her mentally roll her eyes. "Get away from my door!"

"Why'd you lie to Mom and Dad?" She doesn't know what to say, so she merely rolls her eyes at his question and folds her arms under her chest. Usually, he doesn't respond to her uncouth attitude, but she can tell he's full of wrath when he flares his nostrils and takes a deep breath. "You're so unbelievably selfish. He's gonna beat me for something you did, not me."

Wow, classic Stevie. He just has to make everything my fault.

She thinks, adding emphasis on my.

"Oh, please, you came in after me to watch TV too. If it wasn't allowed, why didn't you say something?" When he doesn't answer, she steps closer and fills the gap between them with a mocking grin on her heart-shaped face. Stevie scans her from her thick Senegalese twists to her socks before shaking his head at her.