Lungs full of Roses

Chapter 1

Only the most extraordinary individuals had the opportunity to be even considered to join the Harbingers. It was perhaps one of the highest honors one could be granted in Snezhnaya, and the benefits and privileges that came with the title made many dream of joining the Tsaritsa's elite warriors – even if it essentially meant becoming the Tsaritsa's tool.

In other words, Childe was a man of many talents. However, even he had some weaknesses – he was still a mere mortal, after all, a flawed being capable of mistakes.

That's what Childe tried to remind himself as he grasped his chopsticks tightly enough to make his knuckles turn white. Once his grip was secure, he turned his attention to one of the three jade parcels on his plate and seized it with his chopsticks. With the intense focus of a warrior on a battlefield, Childe brought the chopsticks shakily closer to his mouth. He parted his lips, ready to devour the delicious parcel triumphantly-

Childe didn't know what the hell happened but all of the sudden, his grip on one of the chopsticks loosened and the parcel fell back onto his plate with a wet plop . Mouth still open, he stared at the parcel with a look he usually reserved only for his enemies.

The sound of a muffled cough that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle made Childe turn his attention from his plate to his dining companion. "Enjoying the show, Mister Zhongli?" he asked dryly.

"My apologies, but I'm not quite sure what you mean," the man in question replied politely and while his voice was completely serene, the mirthful twinkle in his amber eyes gave away his amusement.

Huffing, Childe's eyes moved back to his plate. For a moment, he toyed with the idea of simply stabbing the parcel with one of the chopsticks and feasting on its remains like the crows back in Snezhnaya tended to do to the corpses of the unfortunate fools who hadn't been prepared for the cold. While it would be an effective strategy, he quickly decided against it – after all, that type of victory seemed hollow.

Childe rolled one of the chopsticks between his fingers and hummed contemplatively. Speaking of stabbing, while using chopsticks for their actual purpose was as difficult as ice fishing in summer, with some minor modifications such as sharpening the smaller end to be as pointy as possible, they could prove useful in other, more fighting-oriented, ways.

"Considering your expression, I am both intrigued and alarmed to ask what you're currently thinking about." Zhongli's serene voice snapped Childe out of his thoughts.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about," Childe said airily. "Just thinking about birds back in Snezhnaya."

Zhongli's perfectly groomed eyebrow quirked upward. "Birds?" he repeated, picking up a mushroom from his tianshu meat dish. Childe couldn't help but note how the consultant's skills with chopsticks were enviously impeccable and, dare he say, elegant.

"Why yes, they're quite vicious," Childe stated, poking one of the jade parcels with his chopsticks. "Well, everything back home is – vicious, I mean. Kinda have to be if you want to survive the harsh embrace of the good old motherland. Have you ever visited Snezhnaya, Mister Zhongli?"

"Few times," Zhongli replied, a distant expression briefly crossing over his eyes. "Though I am afraid that happened a long time ago. I haven't had the pleasure of seeing Snezhnaya as it stands today."

Well, that sounded a bit cryptic. "I'm sure it hasn't changed that much since your last visit," Childe assured, picking up his chopsticks again, "There isn't much of variety there – we have snow, some mountains and... well, that's about it. Quite a startling contrast to Liyue."

With shaky movements, Childe lifted one of the parcels and successfully managed to take a bite out of it. Grinning triumphantly, he raised his head and suddenly found his gaze meeting a pair of amused amber eyes.

Childe swallowed as a tinge of embarrassment washed over him. "Ugh, listen to me yammer on and on about nothing... Sorry about that."

Zhongli blinked, "There is no need to apologize, Childe," he stated, "I enjoy listening to you talk so please, feel free to continue. I would be delighted to know more."

Childe, who had stopped listening after the words 'I enjoy listening to you' in order to fight down a blush, coughed. "It seems like I've forgotten what I was about to say." he flashed a sheepish grin. "Maybe next time?"

A tiny hint of a frown seemed to appear on Zhongli's face and the amused twinkle in his eyes dimmed. "That's unfortunate," he said with an expression that was dangerously close to a pout which, paired with Zhongli's handsome face, was a devastating combination that made Childe want to apologize for some reason.

He should probably change the subject, Childe mused. "So anyway, how are you enjoying your meal?" he asked as he picked up his chopsticks and mentally prepared himself to use them.

"It is as exquisite as always," Zhongli replied before his voice took that 'excited rambling' tone that Childe was quite fond of, "The matsutakes are extremely high quality and delectable. Judging by the hint of earthy fragrance in the qingxin petals, they must have been picked this morning which enchants the spicy flavor of the matsutake. Of course, the crown jewel of this dish, by which I mean the meat, is simply divine. The cut of meat they used for this dish has the perfect balance between lean and fatty, and the meticulous braising makes it almost melt in my mouth. Chef Mao and Miss Xiangling are truly masters of their craft."

Childe lifted one of the parcels. "Yeah, they really know what they're doing." his gaze wandered back to Zhongli and as soon as his mind was distracted, the jade parcel fell from between his chopsticks back to his plate. "Wish I could say the same about myself," he sighed.

Zhongli laughed, his deep voice rumbling and carefree in a way Childe didn't recall ever hearing before. "I'm certain you'll learn it soon, Childe."

And Child didn't know what it was – maybe it was the smooth tone he had used to say Childe's name, maybe it was the way that dark chocolate hair and porcelain skin seemed to glow golden under the late afternoon sunlight, maybe it was the way Zhongli looked at him with those fond Cor Lapis eyes, or maybe it was because of all of those things – but suddenly, the sound of his quickening heartbeat seemed to drown out the surrounding noises.

-

(That night, Childe had a strange dream.

He dreamed of himself standing in the middle of a field of flowers. In the dream, he knelt to pick up a flower, only to yelp when its thorns pricked his finger. A drop of blood blossomed from the wound and Childe brought his finger closer to his face to inspect it.

All of a sudden, clouds covered the bright sun, blanketing the sky like a dark woolen blanket. A gust of wind blew over the field, violent and unforgiving as it stole all the petals from the flowers, leaving behind only the thorny stalks. Childe's gaze swept over the barren field before returning back to his injured finger – the finger that was now completely red as blood dripped to the ground at an alarming speed.

No matter how much Childe tried to stop the blood flow, the wound remained fresh and soon, the field was stained with the color of his blood.

When Childe eventually woke up, he remembered nothing of the strange dream.

Little did he know, it was a message, a warning from higher beings.)

-
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-

When Childe had arrived at Liyue Harbor several years ago, his first impression of the city had been 'lively'. From dawn to dusk, there was always something happening – be it sailors returning home, merchants trying to attract customers, or children playing on the streets. A shocking difference to Snezhnaya, where many retaliated against their harsh environment by going outside only when necessary.

However, that everyday liveliness was nothing compared to the buzzing activity just before the Rite of Descension.

It had been a shock to Childe during his first year in Liyue. The city had always been a flurry of activity but the Rite had seemed to increase it tenfold. It had been almost dizzying, how the Harbor seemingly transformed from a bustling hub of trade into something bigger, something truly fit for an Archon's Descension.

Naturally, Childe had gotten used to it and now, a week before this year's Rite, Childe could already notice the difference. The number of tourists – both from nearby villages and faraway cities – had surged noticeably, and with each passing day, more and more decorative items appeared to adorn the streets.

Childe wandered aimlessly. For the past few days, the harbinger had been feeling jittery – being inside the Northland Bank was almost suffocating, and his blood kept screaming for fighting and violence, making focusing on his work quite difficult. However, he was fully aware of the reasons behind the restlessness – Signora had made her move in Mondstadt and Barbatos' Gnosis now belonged to the Tsaritsa. They were finally moving forward with the mission and Childe still hadn't discovered Rex Lapis' true identity.

However, Childe was resourceful and his intelligence network and knowledge of Liyue had grown significantly since he first arrived – not to mention his backup plan was almost in the final stage. It was time to get serious.

And what better place to start than the Rite where the Geo Archon himself graced his loyal subjects with his presence?

Childe's gaze swept over the busy street when suddenly, it zeroed on a familiar figure.

"Mister Zhongli!" Childe exclaimed jovially as he approached the man in question, "What a coincidence to see you here."

"Hello, Childe." Zhongli nodded, a polite smile on his face. "It is a pleasant surprise to see you here."

"Are you checking out the festivities?" After Zhongli nodded, Childe added, "Then would it alright if I accompanied you?"

Childe couldn't tell if it was his own imagination but it looked like Zhongli's eyes lit up at his suggestion. "I would gladly accept your company."

The next hour or so passed in a flurry as the pair roamed the streets of Liyue, Zhongli explaining what the various decorations were and their significance to the Rite of Descension. Childe had heard the same lectures last year but he didn't mind listening to them again – there was just something about Zhongli and his ramblings that was extremely enthralling and almost siren-like.

Occasionally, in the lull of conversation, Childe asked a question or two that seemed innocent enough to try his luck on getting some information about the identity of the Geo Archon but nothing Zhongli said seemed particularly valuable. However, Childe just couldn't bring himself to become frustrated over the lack of information. Zhongli could probably recite the various statistics and dry documents in Northland Bank for hours and Childe would still be eager to hear more.

Dusk slowly crept to the sky, painting the sky with hues of violet and orange, and Childe found himself by the harbor along with Zhongli, eyes towards the Sea of Clouds as they enjoyed the mora meats Childe had bought.

"I must sincerely thank you again for indulging me," Zhongli said, bowing his head primly as his hands rested on a box on his lap. The consultant had managed to find a store that sold small animal figurines made from refined Cor Lapis. The immense details and the quality of the figurines had impressed even Childe.

Unsurprisingly, Zhongli had been drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Even more unsurprisingly, he had once again neglected to bring any mora and, to finish this old song and dance, Childe had once again found himself acting as a purse with legs.

However, the arduous task of choosing which figurine to buy seemed to have troubled Zhongli greatly and so Childe did what anybody else would have done and simply bought a full set of each animal.

Childe waved his hand with a grin. "You don't need to thank me – thank the joys of the endless coffers of the Fatui organization and the monetary perks that come with being a Harbinger."

Zhongli adjusted his position on the bench, his brows furrowing. "Regardless, I fear I may have... gone overboard in my excitement," he admitted in a tone that sounded almost bashful.

Childe's eyebrows shot up. Why was this coming up now, he wondered. He had spent years in Liyue and the amount of mora he had spent on Zhongli's frivolous purchases could probably sustain a small kingdom for a year or two and not once had he complained about footing the bill.

Childe regarded Zhongli with a contemplative look. Either Zhongli was only now realizing the value of mora – which... well, better late than never Childe guessed – or there was some deeper reason for the sudden reservation. "I don't mind it," he eventually said with a shrug, "But if it truly bothers you, then consider it as a payment for your time and company."

As soon as those words left Childe's mouth, he felt himself cringe mentally. Archons, way to make it sound like he was a desperate, lonely man who could only get some semblance of companionship with mora – and that Zhongli was some sort of nightlife escort.

Fortunately, Zhongli seemed to miss those implications. "The conditions of such trade would not be fair to you," he said, his frown deepening with displeasure.

"This isn't some sort of binding contract." Childe rushed to assure. "To be honest, I'm happy to pay because that, in turn, makes you happy."

Zhongli turned his head sharply to look at him and it was only thanks to Childe's many years of experience in court etiquette that prevented a furious blush overtaking his face. Celestials, he hadn't meant to sound like he was flirting.

Wait.

Flirting with Zhongli? The mere thought nagged in the back of his mind but before Childe could fully dissect the thought, his gaze wandered back to Zhongli who was still looking at him with an oddly intense expression.

Right, time to move the conversation from mushy things like Childe's happiness. "But if even that doesn't help then think of it as a thank-you gift for those chopsticks you gave me a few weeks ago." Well, technically, those had been bought with Childe's money but that's just a minor detail. It's the thought that counted, right?

At the mention of the chopsticks, Zhongli's gaze seemed to soften. Oddly enough, the sight made Childe's heart clench.

A comfortable silence fell over the pair. The sun was slowly setting on the horizon, taking the warmth and light with it. Childe finished his mora meat and glanced towards Zhongli from the corner of his eye.

"So," the Harbinger started, leaning forward and propping his elbows over his thighs. "If you don't mind me asking, what brought this on? Me buying things for you hasn't bothered you before."

Zhongli's expression went blank and his eyes grew distant as he stared out to the sea, towards the horizon where the high points of Guyun Stone Forests were barely visible. When he finally spoke, there was a hint of somberness in his tone. "There has been... a matter that has compelled me to seek a new way to change my perspective on various matters in life. It only felt appropriate to acknowledge the kindness you have shown me."

Well, that only gave more questions than answers, Childe thought, a frown marring his face. What kind of matter was Zhongli talking about – Childe couldn't recall the man mentioning anything that could even remotely be considered life-changing.

Childe's frown deepened. Huh, for some reason the idea of Zhongli keeping such major secrets felt almost... upsetting. Must be because they were supposed to be friends, he concluded before laughing, "I'm the one who should be saying that – I'm the big bad Fatui agent after all. Generally, people aren't that fond of us."

"It's true that you're with the Fatui," Zhongli acknowledged with a hum, expression contemplative, "Nevertheless, your involvement with the Fatui has not obligated you to spend your mora on me, nor to form a companionship with me."

Then, while Childe was still trying to process all that, Zhongli's expression changed. The thoughtful look melted into something softer, almost tender, in a way that made Childe's heart lurch. "You intrigue me in ways I haven't felt in a long time," the consultant murmured. "I treasure our bond immensely, and it is my deepest wish that it stays like this for a long time."

Childe opened his mouth. Closed it. Tried again but no sound came out. A voice that sounded suspiciously like his old master chided him for losing his composure that badly, but what the fuck could he possibly say to that? Childe could barely think, could barely focus on anything other than his frantically beating heart and the flush that was threatening to color his face.

Finally, Childe's self-discipline kicked in and wrestled all those overwhelming feelings into submission. "I don't know what to say," he laughed and scratched the back of his head. "I-"

A sudden cough that broke free from Childe's mouth cut off the rest of his sentence. He doubled over, still coughing uncontrollably as his stomach cramped painfully with the sudden movements.

Childe raised his left arm so that his mouth was pressed against his elbow and eventually, the vicious cough disappeared, leaving him gasping for breath and feeling like he had run a marathon.

"Are you alright, Childe?"

Childe looked up. At some point, Zhongli had moved from his previous spot on the bench to stand in front of Childe, his unsure hands hovering over the Harbinger's shoulders and a look of concern adorning his handsome face.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Childe managed to croak. Archons, even his voice sounded wrecked.

Zhongli didn't move, still looking unconvinced. "Are you certain? That sounded quite dreadful."

"I'm feeling okay," Childe said with a weak shrug. "It was probably the mora meat – some of it might have gone down the wrong pipe."

Even though he had finished his bread several minutes before, a voice in his mind reminded him.

-
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-

In his line of work, betrayal was something Childe was familiar with – hell, it was something he expected. It was simply part of the job; to betray and occasionally, be betrayed in return.

And yet, nothing could have prepared Childe for the onslaught of emotions that overwhelmed him when he finally discovered who was the puppet master scheming in Liyue's shadows.

Childe stood in the middle of the Northland Bank, watching Signora and Zhongli with an impassive expression that revealed none of his inner turmoil. There was anger; fury so bright it made Childe want to reach for his weapons and wipe the smug smirk off from Signora's face. While they were comrades only in the loosest sense possible, he never would have expected this type of deception.

Next, there was bitterness. He had spent years in Liyue for this mission, away from his home and family, and for what? To be kept in the dark while Signora reaped the profits – not to mention he was certainly going to be villainized by everyone in Liyue.

Then... there was Something, a feeling that stabbed him right in the heart when his and Zhongli's eyes met. Something Childe didn't dare to name. Something that made his throat itch.

Zhongli was the first one to look away, his attention turning from Childe to the matters he deemed more important.

Something inside of Childe shattered.

-
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-

Several weeks after Liyue Harbor's near destruction, Childe was growing, well maybe not concerned, but troubled. The weird cough he had been suffering from for almost a month continued to persist and was pretty much a daily occurrence at this point.

However, what really made him queasy was the odd ticklish feeling in his throat that had started to happen every time he had a coughing fit – a feeling like there was a lump in his throat trying to climb out of his mouth. Similar to a piece of food that went down the wrong pipe but it only when he coughed and never during meal times.

Sighing, Childe raised his gaze to the sky, shielding his eyes from the sunlight with one hand. He was in Guili Plains, passing time by fighting any treasure hoarders arrogant enough to challenge him – an activity he had been indulging quite a lot for the past few days. The sun was high in the sky, unforgiving in its brightness, which meant Childe had been out of the city for several hours.

It was time to head back, Childe decided, letting his hydro spear melt into a water puddle as he started marching towards Liyue Harbor, whistling to himself.

On the brighter side, the recurring cough was an excellent distraction from, well, everything else that had transpired a few weeks ago – when Childe was utterly humiliated by every possible side, including his own, and by Zhongli.

Childe grimaced, feeling a cough trying to break free from his throat. He hadn't seen Zhongli ever since Signora took his Gnosis and the implications of that – that Childe truly had been just a puppet that has outlived its usefulness – stung ever worse than any blow at his pride.

Shit, Childe cursed in his mind as he coughed, the itch in his throat almost painful. He could almost feel the lump crawling upwards, closer to his mouth, and a small, twisted, part of Childe was curious to see what would happen when it finally surfaced.

The coughing fit ended as abruptly as it had begun and it didn't take long before Childe straightened his back and wiped the corner of his mouth with his sleeve. This couldn't be normal, he thought as he started walking again. He should probably visit a doctor or something.

Childe couldn't help but chuckle. The chances of finding a doctor who wouldn't slam their door to his face weren't exactly high. Not that he could blame the people of Liyue – he had dug his own grave, maybe it was time for him to lie in it. That's how the saying went, right?

It could also be some sort of side-effect of Delusion and his Foul Legacy Transformation, although Childe had a hard time connecting a bad cough with them. But if that was the case, then only Dottore could help, and Archons, Childe would rather deal with the pain than interact with the other Harbinger.

The next hour or so went on without a hitch – well, a small gang of Hilichurls tried to ambush Childe but he dealt with them almost disappointingly swiftly. Nothing out of the ordinary – no coughing fits or weird itchiness in his throat.

And then he came across a statue of the Geo Archon.

At first, he didn't even realize that the statue was there; the plains were full of ancient ruins and mysteries, and once the novelty had worn off, they all tended to blend together. However, the faint blue glow that seemed to envelop all Statues of the Seven had caught his eye and made him realize just what he was looking at.

Childe stared at the statue and studied its details; how the robe was almost lifelike in the way it draped over the body, the somber curve of the mouth, and perhaps most amusingly, the naked torso lovingly sculpted to perfection.

It looked nothing like Zhongli. It looked exactly like Zhongli.

Without really thinking, Childe reached out and touched the statue's smooth surface. The man still managed to haunt his thoughts – even when Childe was outside of Liyue Harbor, purposely avoiding all possible things that reminded him of Zhongli to stop the odd chasm of emptiness spreading in his chest.

A bitter chuckle escaped from Childe's mouth. He had even swallowed the shredded remains of his wounded pride and had gone to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, only to be stopped by the Ferrylady who, to her credit, had been very polite when she informed him that Mister Zhongli was not available and could he please fuck off and never return to their premise.

Well, she hadn't actually said that last part but Childe could read between the lines and again, he couldn't exactly blame her. In the eyes of the people of Liyue Harbor, he was the villain, the main antagonist of the story of Old Liyue Harbor that had been defeated with the power of friendship and other bullcrap.

Oh well. Childe thought with faux casualness as he let his hand fall limp. He would get over this... whatever this weird feeling was. He was adaptable like that.

Besides, it would probably get easier once Childe left Liyue Harbor where everything held some sort of memory about Zhongli. After all, the Fatui have now completed their mission in Liyue; it was only a matter of time before his presence was needed elsewhere.

Childe sucked in a startled breath. The thought of his inevitable depart made something in his chest ache with longing, and that was dangerous . He was a Harbinger, a living tool crafted and molded by the Tsaritsa's ice-cold hand with the sole purpose to fulfill Her Grace's every command and whim. She was supposed to be his Goddess, the object of his complete devotion and loyalty.

To receive an order from Her and hesitate was blasphemy. To hesitate because of a foreign city and its ex-Geo Archon was borderline treason.

Childe was not a good man. Tartaglia's moral compass was completely dependent on the Tsaritsa. Once, there had been a possibility that Ajax could have grown up to be good, but the Abyss with its mercilessness and cruelty had flayed him open and then stitched him back together into a twisted mockery of his previous self.

He had lied, cheated, killed without any remorse. Hell, while he didn't exactly like such backstabbing methods, he was fully prepared to betray people if it accomplished his mission.

And yet, Zhongli's little farce was what made him mope like an abandoned pet.

Childe didn't understand. Tartaglia was torn. Ajax had no idea what to think.

"Archons, I am a mess," Childe laughed humorlessly. "I'm acting like a heartbroken maiden from one of Tonia's book-"

Childe froze, the rest of the sentence dying on his tongue as the realization dawned on him.

Oh.

Oh no.

Time seemed to freeze. The gentle sunlight that had warmed his neck suddenly turned cold. The hidden gaze of the Rex Lapis statue seemed to scorch a hole in Childe's head. A lump of something began to form in his throat.

Childe tried to keep his breathing steady as he thought back to the way butterflies fluttered in his stomach whenever Zhongli as much as looked at him. He recalled the childlike giddiness bubbling in his chest every time Zhongli accepted his invitation for meals. The way his blood-lust seemed to go from constant singing to a hushed whisper whenever he was with Zhongli.

He remembered the bitter taste of betrayal on his tongue when he finally discovered the true identity of Rex Lapis. He thought about the emptiness in his chest when the days passed and Zhongli never approached him.

Oh fuck.

"I'm in love with him, aren't I?" Childe blurted out aloud, a hint of hysteria coloring his voice. This couldn't be happening, not to him, not now when he was already struggling to stay in control over this mission that had suddenly turned into a complete shitshow – well, technically the mission had been accomplished but it sure as hell didn't feel finished to Childe. He couldn't handle a fucking heartbreak on top of all that-

A sudden, almost paralyzing pain in his throat halted Childe's thoughts.

Hands flying to his neck, Childe fell to his knees as violent coughs broke free from his mouth. His throat burned like someone had forced him to swallow boiling hot oil and oh Archons, he couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't feel or focus on anything else other than the pain and how his body convulsed harshly with each cough.

For a brief moment, Childe's watery eyes slid upwards, to the statue's hooded face and uncaring gaze. He coughed, this time tasting blood on his tongue and that couldn't be right, he hadn't bitten his tongue or anything, so why-

Then, he felt it.

There was something in his trachea.

Black spots appeared in Childe's vision as he gasped for air. He massaged his neck frantically, trying to urge whatever it was in his throat to move, to do something, anything to get rid of the excruciating pain that felt like somebody had stabbed his neck repeatedly. Childe could feel the object moving upwards, closer to his mouth, and he brought his right hand to cover his lips, ready to catch the object.

With one final cough that made his whole body jerk forward, the entity dislodged itself from Childe's throat.

Several minutes passed as Childe tried to steady his wheezing breath. Feeling returned to his numb body and his vision became normal again. What the fuck was that, Childe wondered as he slowly got back up to his feet, still holding his hand over his mouth. That wasn't normal, right?

Dread and curiosity coiling in his stomach, Childe lowered his hand from his mouth-

-and stared.

Childe, the 11th Harbinger, the master of all weapons, the youngest of the Tsaritsa's elite group of warriors, gawked at his hand and felt fear trying to make itself known from the back of his mind.

Maybe he should try his luck with a doctor, Childe thought dazedly, his gaze unable to leave the saliva-coated petals lying innocently on his palm.