the opportunity that was hard to come by | a chilumi fanfiction

[2] venturing into the abyss

"We could have sex. As friends."

Lumine was fairly sure that her heart stopped beating and crashed straight to the floor. She gaped at him like a bewildered fish before blinking rapidly and stammering, "Wow, you really are drunk. A lot drunker than I thought."

"I'm barely buzzed," he told her, and she knew it was true. It had been awhile since their last drinks, and neither of them were anywhere near being actually drunk. This was all him speaking, not the alcohol. The buzz simplu made it easier for him to get the words out. "Trust me, you wouldn't be taking advantage of me."

She gulped. Was this even real?! "You're serious?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Why not?"

Well, for starters, I'm in love with you and this is a horrible idea. "BBecause we're friends and having sex might get things really weird?" She paused and then blurted, "Do you even want to have sex with me or is it pity thing because of what I just told you?"

His entire expression changed and he dropped his arms as he replied, "No! No, Lumine, that;s not it all, I promise.

"Then where is this coming from?" she asked, bordering somewhere between unbearable excitement and an even deeper pit of despair than usual.

He sighed and leaned against the doorway. "It's been awhile for me. It's been awhile for you. We trust each other. Honestly, it makes perfect sense to me. And that thing you've never gotten experience," he added with a lick of his lips that she knew was deliberate. "I happen to be pretty fucking good at it."

It was like ascending into the gates of celestia while also jamming a dull knife into her own back. Here he was, Childe Harbinger, the man she had been secretly and silently pining over for several years, offering her everything she had ever wanted, all at the same time. He didn't know it, but he was torturing her and she had no idea what to do.

"So... friends with benefits?" she asked, her voice a lot squeakier than she would have preferred.

"Something like that," he replied, throwing her another grin. "No pressure though. Just an idea."

She stared at him, her blank face giving nothing away of her inner turmoil. She wanted to say yes - Oh archons, she wanted to say yes - but should she? It would be torture for her, yes, but she was also painfully aware that his might be her only chance to ever be more than friends with him, even if it was only a little more. She had wanted him for so long and had never thought that something like this would ever happen, but yet here she was.

Really though, despite her inner conflict, there was only one choice to make and only one answer that she was ever going to give. And she had known it from the moment the words left his lips.

On her grave on day would be the words Lumine Peregrine: Daughter, Sister, Friend, Idiotic Masochist.

"... Okay."

He blinked as if her answer surprised him. "Yeah?" She nodded quickly, before she lost her nerve. "You sure?"

She nodded again. "Yeah. You make a... good case."

He chuckled, "Yeah, I know. I should have been a lawyer. Might've been a better one than Yanfei."

She rolled her eyes. Of all the times to make bad puns...

He jerked his head towards her bedroom. "Come on. We can talk some more in your room."

"Okay." she said dumbly, staring as she watched him turn and stroll out of her kitchen and down the hallway like he owned the place.