Sjau.

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Monday, 17 October 2022

Skólavörðustígur stretched out in front of Freya in all its glory, the street as busy as it got at 10am on a Monday morning

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Skólavörðustígur stretched out in front of Freya in all its glory, the street as busy as it got at 10am on a Monday morning. The tiny layer of snow that had settled onto Icelandic ground wasn't visible here as it had disappeared by the frequent presence of human feet, cars, and bicycles. Freya couldn't help herself, but she was happy that snow wasn't present here, because any spec of it would ruin the incredible sight of the coloured asphalt. Along the entire road were the colours of the rainbow flag, stretching all the way to Hallgrímskirkja, the massive church Cate's tour had taken her to on one of her first days in Reykjavik, in the distance. Freya walked in its direction, taking pictures of the landmark with the rainbow leading to it.

Freya couldn't help thinking that her mother would have loved the sight in front of her. The colours, the modern and magnificent building in front of them, and the small one-two storey houses that rose on either side of the street from her. Maybe Frankie had been on Skólavörðustígur before, but Freya was sure that the rainbow flag hadn't adorned the street back then. The closer she got to the massive church, the more she thought and the more Freya realised she had no idea what her mother had actually done while in Iceland. She knew Frankie had been wanting to travel the world and that she was in the middle of doing so when she met Ketill and fell in love with him. But she didn't know what had happened while she was in Iceland back in 1994. Where had she been, what had she done, who had she met?

Letting the camera hang from around her neck, Freya simply walked all the way to the church, her eyes not straying. There was something about it that she hadn't allowed herself to appreciate last time around, something she hadn't let herself enjoy. Like she wasn't allowed to savour life now that life didn't include her mother anymore. There was some pressure inside her chest that she had felt multiple times since finding out her mother was battling cancer, and even more since her mother's passing. With each step, she felt that pressure intensify. It was like she was walking straight towards that same day when she had walked away from the tour bus because she couldn't handle her grief. Like the church was still holding onto that feeling, ready to give it back to Freya once again. Part of her wanted to turn around and go back. She didn't want to go back there. But another part of her urged her to. That part told her she needed to keep going, she needed to see how far she could go.

Standing in front of the church again, Freya realised she had been digging her thumb nail into her forefinger the entire walk over there. Looking down she could see the shape of her nail on her skin, a raw and red line against her skin, another reminder of how much she had restrained herself on her quest to reach this point. She glanced up at the church again, feeling her pulse vibrate the place where her thumb had just rested. Hallgrímskirkja was unlike anything she'd seen before, no churches looked like this in England, or anywhere else. The blue sky surrounding it and the sun shining down on the white church made it look larger than life. Freya brought her camera up, snapping a few photos as she felt her phone vibrate in her purse. She thought it was just a lone notification at first and therefore didn't reach for it, but as it continued to vibrate, she realised someone was calling her. Bringing it out, she stopped breathing as she saw what the screen spelled out.

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