Darkness,
Swirling,
And suffocating,
Rising from the pit of dispare and pain only to plummet downward.
One step forward,
Two steps back.
Life falling into place,
Just in time for the world's chaotic end to hasten its pace...
Just as I feel worthy of this overstimulating love around me,
I find this castle of self confidence was erected on pillars of salt and sand;
The tides coming in.
This pain calls my name sounding sweet as sugar,
No,
The sound like nails on a chalkboard that I can't drown out!
"Can't love others if you don't love yourself"
The words play in mind like cackling carnival pipes,
How can that be true?
These people see this mangled mess I am and dare to try and convince me there's a pure source in this wicked hell!
I taste the edge of heaven and for once not be repulsed by the face in the mirror,
Only to to had the sweetness turn sour on my tongue,
FREAK
WEAK
LOOSER
WORTHLESS
the words like bullets to my chest,
Tearing into this flesh I want to shed,
I hate that I can't see what you see...
But how can you blame me,
In a low time long ago,
My "biggest fan" tried to show me how to end it all;
Just to taunt that no ambulance would come,
How does a developing in pain mind deal with trauma perpetrated by a momma?
This demon I once called a friend idolized as all I wanted to be,
How could they shift alignment to torture me?
