stuck between the two

Hold meUntitled Part 1

"what do I do?? I don't know what to do?!"

OCee panicked as his friend, Jimmy, collapsed to his knees, heaving and shaking. Jim had managed to keep his composure until all the guests left the cemetery following his mothers funeral.

Jack had been Jim's best friend for the past four years and was practically a part of the Craig family. The two have been inseparable since that fateful day they made the Boston University ice hockey team together. They were the two most talkative guys on their team and when the two were together they never ran out of things to say. They knew each other, trusted each other and loved each other with such intensity they were more like family than anything else.

Jim's parents and siblings loved Jack. They treated him like another member of the family. He was even invited to one of their family vacations and of course he agreed to go. The Craig family was welcoming and supportive of him, more than his own family. When Margaret passed, he mourned for her, her husband and children and mourned for Jim. His best friend.

OCee knew Jim. He saw it in the way Jim's shoulders tensed and the way his jaw would clench throughout the ceremony. He could see the dam Jimmy had built and how with each passing moment, cracks would form and threaten to release all the emotions he pent up. He knew he was going to break.

So OCee stayed. He stayed, as everyone filtered out of the moonlit cemetery, lingering behind Jimmy. He stayed without knowing how to help, OCee just knew he needed to be there for his mourning friend.

"Just...just HOLD me..." Jim choked out, as violent sobs overtook him. The dark blonde dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms around his friend in a hesitant embrace. Jimmy twisted and clutched onto his friend tightly as his tears soaked his clothes.

Jack comforted Jimmy as best as he could, whispering kind and encouraging words in his ear, gently rubbing his back and combing his hand through Jim's hair in an attempt to soothe him.

The Knott in Jack's stomach grew tighter, the Knott that had been forming throughout their friendship. He desperately wanted to comfort Jim, to take his pain away, but he can't. OCee can only watch his best friend suffer and try to support him to the best of his ability.

And that was fucking hard.

Jim's grip slowly loosened and his body shaking sobs dissipated until he sat there, in Jack's arms, feeling emptied and hollowed out. Jack's hand continued to slowly and delicately graze his thick, black hair. The soft tune he hummed filled Jim's ears. He hadn't noticed it before between his loud sobs. It brought him back to childhood, memories of his parents' consoling him and soothing him to sleep.

Jim felt safe, cared for, loved. He almost felt like crying again, at the sheer kindness he was receiving but he physically couldn't cry anymore. His throat ached, raw from the guttural sobs he heaved and his head was pounding almost as if his brain was about to burst from his skull.

The two sat there in the dark graveyard as the moon and stars twinkled above them. A cold breeze instinctively made Jim bury himself deeper into Jack. They sat there, Jim's face buried in Jack's neck, for a few minutes until Jim finally whispered weakly into Jack's neck.

"I'm okay now,"

The warm breath on his neck sent chills down Jack's spine and a wave of warmth deep in his stomach.

"thanks."

Jimmy slowly maneuvered  out of Ocee's arms, his eyes wet and cheeks stiff. The cold air that overtook him made him want nothing more than to crawl back into Ocee's arms searching for warmth. OCee stayed sitting on the grass as Jimmy stood over him. He reached his hand out, offering it to Jack. As he helped him to his feet, the two stared into each other's eyes, hands still clasped.

A familiar feeling engulfed Jack as he felt himself draw closer to his Dark haired friend. He stared into those crystal blue eyes that looked more grey now in the moonlight. Realizing he was inching closer, Jack pulled his hand back.

"You're welcome."

He could see in the way Jim's shoulders sagged and the way his eyes drifted away from his that he was embarrassed. Jack skipped over to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"I'll always be here for you, Jim." He reassured with a smile as he ruffled Jim's hair.

The pair smiled and laughed as they walked out of the cemetery. That was the last time they talked. The feeling that settled in Jack's stomach and the way he felt himself lean in closer to his friend...friend. Jim was his friend and he couldn't feel this way about him.

OCee avoided him, as much as it hurt and felt wrong, he couldn't see him, talk to him, laugh with him because then he might not be able to hold himself back.

OCee didn't want to ruin their friendship, so ironically enough, he didn't call the next day or the day after that or the day after that. He didn't answer Jim's calls no matter how badly he wanted to hear his voice, no matter how badly he wanted to hear him laugh or say his name.

At some point Jim stopped calling and OCee had never been filled with more regret, but it was for the best. At least, that's what he kept telling himself because accepting his true feelings was a lot more difficult.

One day they were best friends, inseparable, and the next they were strangers. Jimmy didn't know what he did wrong. OCee said he'd always be there for him but it turns out that was just a lie and he was a fool who believed him.

Jim called Jack the next morning to properly thank him for comforting him through his emotional breakdown but he didn't answer. He didn't answer his call the next day or the day after that or the day after that and Jack didn't call him.

They had a routine, they'd call each other every night, one or the other. Jimmy would wait by the phone, jumping at any sound, waiting for it to ring and to hear Jacks voice on the other end. The phone never rang. He never heard Jack's voice.

Jimmy's never hated the dial tone more. He gave up because it was clear he scared Jack away. He tried his best to hold everything in, to wait until he was alone in his car to finally break down but he couldn't. The wall he put up that day finally crumbled and all he needed, all he wanted was Jack.

He'd never felt more safe and secure than when he was in Jack's arms. Jim always stayed strong for himself and everyone around him. He never let himself crumble especially not in-front of another guy, but OCee was different. He held him, comforted him and didn't judge him. At least not outright. Looks like Jim was wrong.

OCee stopped talking to him. This was the very reason Jim avoided showing his emotions, the very reason he put those walls up. He should've held on longer, he should've been stronger, strong enough to break when he was alone, but Jack stayed. He stayed and looked at him with soft eyes and with that look Jim just couldn't stop himself from breaking.

OCee was his best friend. Past tense, because it seems like he decided otherwise and Jim didn't blame him. So he stopped looking for him in every room he entered, stopped waiting outside his classroom ready to walk him to his next, stopped loving him, because it was clear Jack stopped too.

Everyone noticed. Their friends felt the tension in the air every time they'd all hangout as a group, noticed the way they'd avoid eye contact and each other. They never said anything but Jim felt their eyes on him every time he'd approach the group, every time his body would tense at the sound of OCee's voice and every time he would fall silent when OCee joked.

They never asked though. Jim didn't know how to feel about that. They never asked him or Jack what happened, he'd sometimes wish they would. He wished they'd talk to OCee and knock some sense into him because Jimmy missed his best friend. However, OCee already made his decision and Jim has no other choice but to accept it, no matter how difficult it is.