Stay With Me

Chapter 5

!trigger warning: self harm

Harry made sure to rise early the following morning in order to be the first one in the kitchen. The man he'd spent the night with had been shooed away at the crack of dawn, Harry's interest in him faded soon after he returned to the room.

Draco was clearly unaware of what Harry witnessed the night before, but Harry wanted to make it up to him regardless. This started with two mugs of tea, fresh orange juice and scrambled eggs on toast with bacon.

Fresh flowers had been picked from the garden and arranged haphazardly in a vase he'd found in the back of a cupboard, an old one of Sirius'. He had to admit, it did feel a little strange planning what seemed like a breakfast date for himself and Draco, but Harry felt he'd gone long enough being distant and guilt never sat well with him anyway.

He sat down at the table, nervously tapping his fingers against the wood whilst eyeing the door.

Draco did have long lie-ins at times, some days he didn't even leave his bed, maybe today was one of them. Thankfully Harry placed a heating charm on the food to keep it warm.

An hour passed, no sign of Draco. Then an hour and a half. Then two.

Harry was alone at the table, painfully aware of the irony.

***

Draco sat on the edge of his bed, the glint of sunlight reflecting off the tiny razor blade in his hand. He pulled down the waistband of his trouser and pressed the sharp edge into his thigh, dragging it across the flesh until the blood welled.

He hissed a little at the first contact, his fingers trembling, pinching down on the blade with all his force.

It was such a dark red compared to the white of his complexion, the blood unmoving at first until the end tailed off and ran down to his inner thigh. It was a small cut, he'd made bigger before but the sting of it focused all the pain to a point, to the metal against flesh, in that moment, no other pain inside him existed.

Silent tears rolled down his cheeks and his breathing, ragged at first, began to feel lighter.

He closed his eyes and pressed the blade against another section of skin, sharp and cold, but before the incision was made, a knock came from the door. He dropped the blade and fumbled at the waistband of his trousers, scrambling them up over his hip.

"Malfoy?"

He wiped the tears from his cheeks with the sleeve of his jumper and tried to steady his voice.

"Malfoy? Are you in there?"

"Yes... why?"

"Can I come in? Or can you come to the door?" Harry's muffled voice sounded feeble.

"I'm busy."

"Fine, never mind." Harry said, trailing off and Draco could just make out the creak of the stairs as he walked away.

Draco waited for the silence to sink back in, before he fell back onto the bed, curling the duvet up in his fists beside him. His thigh was beginning to throb and a patch of dark red had started seeping through the fabric of his trousers.

By now, he'd mastered the skill of crying silently, keeping his pain just for himself, never showing weakness. Tears welled again and this time they streamed down his face, dropping off the edge of his cheek as he laid sideways on the bed.

He sobbed painfully hard, tears clouding his vision leaving his cheeks damp and reddened. He wanted to swing open that door and pull Harry in, tell him how hopelessly alone he felt, beg for help, anything to make the dark cloud of depression easier.