January 27th,2022
Saturday
10:30pm
Darell pov
After going to uncle jj's grave, my mind aint been right. I can only think about everything bad and how i fuck shit up.
"Maybe i should" i say to my self. I grab a knife and stare at it for a little.
"Dj? Dj stop!" my pops says as he rushes over to my and takes the knife.
"You have a family. If you actually did it, they couldn't live with that and neither could the rest of us. If you have something on your mind then tell someone" he tells me. I feel bad because he has a suicidal husband , daughter, and son but i can't help what i think.
" I always get told 'It'll get better' 'you'll be fine' all that shit is a fucking lie. Been getting told that shit since i waa younger. Before i knew i was depressed, before i became a fucking psycho, before i had a family! It aint never become true. Only reason im still here is because of yall and that's it but yall constantly tell me it'll get better when yall aint better yall damn selves so why tell me sum youn believe" i tell him.
"You right but just like you, we still here because of each other. I know you mostly still here because of yo kids so use that as a reason to keep fighting. You should've been realized that it gets worse before it gets better. Youn gotta believe what im saying but trust me, its never the better option" he tells me then goes back to the guest room. I do what i always do when im sad and go to kasiah even though he doesn't understand. I go to his room and see that he's awake on tablet.
"Why you still up?" i ask.
"You said since its my birthday week i can stay up till twelve am, are you ok?" he ask.
"Come here" i tell him as i sit in the chair in front of his tv. He gets out of bed and comes over to me then sits on my lap with a concerned look.
"I need you to promise me something" i tell him.
"Ok" he says.
"Promise me that you will never keep any secrets from me and always tell me if something is wrong no matter how old you are" i say.
"I promise" he tells me.
"Ard, actually you wanna sleep with me daddy and kyson tonight?" i ask.
"Yes!" he responds immediately.
"Ok come on" i tell him as i chuckle. We get up and go to my room since trell already has kyson. As soon as we walk in, we see trell and ky just sittin there chillin while watching almost christmas.
"Movie night?" trell ask.
"Sum like it but yea" i tell him as i close the door. Once i close the door, i get in bed and lay my head on trell's shoulder.
"1-100?" he asks.
"40" i tell him. So we have this thing where we ask each other 1-100 depending on how hurt the other person is or how ok they are. 1-50 means not very good with feelings but with pain, it means either rarely any or just a little. 51-100 tho, it means fine with feelings and awful with pain.
"We'll talk about it tmrw" he tells me then kisses my forehead. Kyson starts giggling because his brother is making him laugh. I start to drift off to sleep and eventually we all passed out.
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The next day
January 28th,2022
10:15am
Kentrell pov
I wake up to see my sons in the middle and dj on the other end. He's not winning this battle but he will. I know it and imma help. I get up, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, wash my face, piss, then wash my hands. I go back to the room and wake kasiah up.
