Why Do You Love Me? (DekuBaku)

Suffering in Silence

~this is my first time writing, so I'm sorry if its not very good. I'm trying my best. hope you like it :)~

Katsuki POV

I'm not very good at expressing my feelings. When someone upsets me or I'm sad, I lash out. It's just my way of holding back my tears. When I'm alone, my emotions are a mess. Sometimes I feel empty and hollow which leads to me doing things to myself that I shouldn't do. Other times, I'm sad. I just stare into the mirror and cry, thinking of what I could be and who I'm supposed to be. Every once in a while, I'm happy. It's nice when I'm happy. The shitty nerd is the reason for it though. And sometimes I suffer in silence, feeling abandoned, trapped with my thoughts.

I wish Deku would notice. The way I look at him. He's so beautiful, he doesn't realize how much his smile lights my day up. All I want in life is for him to love me. If he loved me, then maybe everything would be okay. What am I thinking?? There's no way he could love me, after all the shit I've said to him. He deserves to be happy, even if that means I can't have him. 

I don't even know how I feel. I don't really know what love feels like, but I think it would feel like this. If it's not love, then I don't know what it is. But.. love... it's such a strong word. it can make you feel like you're on top of the world or it can make you feel like you've been dragged through hell over and over. I hope it's the first scenario for me. But it's me. I deserve to be dragged through hell then forced to watch the people I love suffer because of the harm I've caused them. I want to take back all the words I said to him. Every last one of them. I want to make it up to him. Then maybe we could at least be friends. 

Would he want that though? He's always been friendly, but I wouldn't consider us friends. Hell, I told him to take a swan dive off a building. I'll never forgive myself till the day I die. I need to apologize to him. And maybe confess, too. I don't know about the confession part, but I definitely need to apologize.

-Katsuki was so lost in thought, He didn't even realize he had been standing in front of Izuku's dorm room door for 10 minutes.-

Izuku POV

I love Kacchan. I've always loved Kacchan. Even more than I love All Might, and that's saying something. If it wasn't weird, my room would be Dynamight or as I call him, Kacchan themed. I wish he didn't hate me so much, but I don't think there's much I can do about it. Maybe one day we could be friends. I already consider him my friend, but I don't think he considers me his. I would love it if we were more than friends, but I just don't see that happening. Ugh. Love. It's such a stupid yet amazing concept.  I wish I could have the type of love you read about in romance novels.

Kacchan and I have been together since the beginning. Not in the way I want, of course. Nothing seems to work out the way I want. Kacchan has always been a little aggressive, but I think it's cause he's hurting inside. He's never said anything, his ego is too big for that, but I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. His eyes are full of so many emotions that I can't recognize. If only he would tell me how he feels. I wish he felt the way I do. That would make things so much easier. Then I could decorate my room with Kacchan posters, and walk up and hug him whenever I'm feeling down, or kiss him when he looks at me like that. WHAT?? IZUKU. What are you thinking?? He doesn't even like you, you big idiot.

My room is an absolute mess. I better go put that laundry in the wash.

-As Izuku began to open the door, he heard a loud thud. When he looked down, he saw the man of his dreams, Katsuki Bakugou. He was rubbing his forehead, which was now red from being hit by the door-

--

"Kacchan! Are you alright?" Izuku said, putting his hands on Katsuki's shoulders. He quickly retracted them when he realized how close he was to Bakugou.