𝐌𝐀 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄 | GENSHIN ONESHOTS.

#𝟎𝟎𝟒. 𝐕𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒. | asking "what am i to you?"

𝐊𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐀, ― wishes this had happened differently. You wish the ground would open up beneath your feet and swallow you whole. He stands, with his single eye visible, mouth slightly agape, searching for the right words to say like they're a needle in a haystack. This hesitation, you fear, is telling you everything you need to know. And that stings, ―perhaps even more than you thought it would. It's not like you hadn't prepared for any outcome imaginable... You've been working through your emotions on your own time, in the comfort of silence and privacy, but now that you've brought Kaeya into it, you wish you could hit a rewind button and return things back to the way they used to be.

"What am I to you, Kaeya?"

Those words sizzle at the back of your throat with the burn of stomach acid. His reply wracks through your brain, bouncing around the walls of your skull like a pestering insect. The hesitation, the stutter, the unbearable uncertainty... Somehow, that's worse than the answer having just be "a friend."

"I really... Just don't know how to answer," he finally admits, and it's the first time his sweet voice has ever made you feel so bitter, so goddamn sour.

Tears prick at your eyes, but you try your best to blink them away. You can feel yourself burning up in embarrassment from the inside out. Mild nausea twists the knots of your stomach tighter.

"That's okay," you say, but your voice cracks in the process.

Guilt comes for Kaeya like a lion, starved and fervent, ready to claw at him until there's nothing left.

He feels the urge to reach out, to take you into his arms and make things better, ―but his touch won't fix this, and words are failing him so pitifully that he finds it impossible to reason that he deserves to lay a finger upon you anyway.

"You don't have to say anything," you continue on with a sniffle before he has the mind to speak, though you do your best to conceal it.

The silence that hangs between the two of you is heavy and convoluted. Almost suffocating. Tears spill down your cheeks in silence as you stare at the ground, fingernails digging into your palms.

"I care about you," he insists, though you've known that for a long time now, despite the fact that he's never outwardly said it.

He's not one for words, but sometimes, actions aren't enough for you to understand him. Kaeya does lots of things that you don't get. He's not easy to read, least of all easy to comprehend or decipher. Sometimes, you wonder if he understands himself.

"... thank you," you mumble, "but I think I should go now."

His body jerks before he can reason with himself if this is truly the way to go about this. All he knows is that he can't let you leave like this, with a tear-stained face, reddened eyes, and a wound so obvious that it might as well be physical. Lithe, long fingers encircle your wrist, pleading with you through warmth and gentleness to stay just a while longer. Silently, you comply.

You can hear his breathing quiver ever so slightly as he inhales sharply.

"I don't know how to express it," he says in a voice just above a whisper, "―because I've never... Met anyone that makes me feel like this. I know it's unfair to you, but the only thing I know for certain is that you're someone who means a lot to me. Maybe even the most."

Your heart clenches inside your chest. He's giving you hope, and you can only pray he won't misuse that.

"If you leave now, I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that I might never see you again. And I don't know if I'd be able to stomach the sight of myself if I didn't at least try to make you stay... Not long, but just... Just until I can figure out an answer to give you."