Goodbye Mr Hiddleston

You had your arms wrapped around your knees as you lay there motionless. Your heart thumping faster than usual as the sadness continued to pump through your veins. You felt hurt. Betrayed. Like your heart had been ripped out of your chest and stood on before messily stitched back up. He promised to care for you. To be there for you when you needed him... Where was he now?

As soon as you opened the door you knew something was wrong. Tom had greeted you with a kiss on the forehead, his eyes purposely avoiding your own. You'd cracked open the wine hoping to ease him up a bit, but no avail. He'd ignored most of your comments, your smile making him sadder. As he teared up, your hand extending to brush it away but he flinched at your touch as if it burnt him; his eyes only watering more.

He'd explained how he did love you. How he would always be there to care for you regardless of the way you were. But he needed air to breathe, freedom to travel. He needed his life to be flexible, and that wasn't fair on you. He said his work would break you down slowly and he didn't want his sweet girl to go through that. He wanted you to have a husband and children - something he couldn't give you right now, something he didn't think you deserved to wait for. He could see the shock written on your face, it was unexpected. Unwanted. You felt your heart shatter as you heard the front door close, after he'd glanced back to whisper to you.

He said it was for the best.

He lied.

The bed felt cold, your heart still hurting at the memories of him lying with you. You missed his eyes, the way you could get lost in them by looking at them too long. The softness of his swollen lips under your thumb when you'd brushed them after kissing; his skin brushing your own. You needed him, did he not see that?

Everyone around you was worried sick, they'd explained how he'd tried to get in touch. You'd ignored your phone; his worried voicemails would project through the house along with companies trying to sell you solar panels.

You felt alone. Hurt. You didn't know what to do anymore; you just lay there in your sorrows to distract yourself from bringing anyone else down. You didn't feel healthy, or stable. Your body aching for movement you refused to give it. You could taste the salty tang of tears mixed with eyeliner running down your cheekbones. But you had no more tears to left free.

You needed his arms around you. His fingers dancing up and down your bear arms as he read to you; the way he'd hush you after a nightmare and make you feel completely safe.

You needed him here with you, like he'd promised.

But Tom was gone, and you were alone.