Hernonymous [A Hacker's Diary]

A good man (atonement)

The man kneels at the centre of a hall with black walls, surrounded on all sides by white porcelain statues. He could feel the hatred in their frozen gazes as they watched him from eyes devoid of life. They were a reminder of everything he has had to do.

He would always remember their faces, he would always remember their names and before the cock rises from sleep every morning, he would always come here to suffer for his righteousness. It sickened him to the core to remember everything he had to do, it was never supposed to be this way; It was supposed to be just one girl, Mella Hendricks. But, terrible mistakes were made; death had gotten her before he did.

Three hundred more to cleanse the stain of one, three hundred to ascend, three hundred to be free

Their suffering is a product of his natural incompetence due to his masculinity; he should have known better. It was laziness of the most foolish kind and also an insult to Dextra; How could he have been so foolish as to leave Dextra's holy mission to some random men? Could he really blame them for messing up and leaving the girl dead? Could he complain, even if their mistake meant three hundred more must sacrifice?

Sidextra, his and Dextra's child who he carries on his back giggles in delight as it sinks its fangs deeper into him, drinking up the guilt-ridden bad blood from his body as eagerly as a child sucking on its mothers milk. The pain of it is indescribable as its fangs which were like saws grew even longer and deeper, digging into him hungrily.

Sidextra who weighed only as much as a human baby had grown steadily in weight alone and now weighs as much as a boulder its size, nourished by guilt and anguish. Dextra's gift to him and also her curse; Although it sought to free him of the weight of guilt and purify him of the negative energy it brings, by taking it into itself its weight could quickly become deadly.

He looks at the hands of the clock on the wall, it is ten minutes to five . He knows that the only way to stop the pain and the crushing weight is to forget, to close the gates of the past and hence, the source of his unending guilt. Yet, he knows that he can't let himself off so easily; There are two hundred and fifty-three statues in here and he has to suffer through one revolution of the clock's longest hand for each of them, only by suffering would he truly know the weight of his mistake.

"Ninety-two" He counted as the longest hand of the clock kissed twelve once again

* * *

The man sits at a dining table with a covered plate in front of him. Sitting at the other end is a representation of Dextra, made entirely out of dried-out human hands. The man can remember clearly how he had to kill the one who made this statue. However, there was no guilt to be felt, the man had stood in his way by threatening to expose him and had consequently stood in the way of the world's salvation; to stand in the way of the world's salvation, what sin could possibly be worse than that?

He closes his eyes, whispering the Dextra's grace before opening the plate to eat

On the plate are the beautiful hands of Ayah prokopenko, divided into square chunks that he could easily swallow. Sprinkled over them is something white like salt but much finer than salt; it is crystallised dextra's essence from the mountain where he freed her from where the others chained her.

As he chews the first piece, he could remember the revulsion he felt that first time with Regina Spirit; There was no such revulsion now. The mettalic taste of blood he had found so disgusting in the past was now a little sweet. As he swallows , he couldn't help but appreciate the simple fact that of all the people Dextra could have choosen, she chose him to assist her.

Just like she had told him, he just needed to consume forty-seven more and he would become capable enough to stand shoulder to shoulder with her to prevent the storm. He would become truly worthy of her then, he would-

"Stop"

The word rings loud and clear from the place her statue sits. The man freezes like a deer in the headlights as he looks at the place where the statue sits. The shock on his face is evident; This is the first time something like this has happened, she used to only speak to him in dreams.

"How?" He asks

"Listen" The voice commands " The others are against us. We can't save everyone. We can save one people. The rest will perish"

"What can I do? " The man asks

"Unite. Bring everyone together. Make everyone one. We can save one people. If one is everyone, We can save everyone"

"I understand" The man replies, bowing his head in reverence to her wisdom.