"Don't tell me, you're having a cold feet?!"
I just sighed at nilagok ang natitirang wine sa aking kopita. Nandito si Rachel sa condo unit ko, we're drinking the night away.
"Alam na ng mga tao sa office. Nakalusot si Lushia sa security ng building at sinugod ako. I don't know Rach, everything is perfect until the commotion yesterday..."
Aeris and I are getting married in three months time. Sa birthday ko. We don't need long engagement dahil sigurado naman na kami sa isa't isa. It will be an intimate beach wedding and both of us are hands-on sa preparation. I'm not sure kung paano nakarating kay Lushia ang balita, ang plano namin ay i-surprise ang mga bisita na kasal na pala namin iyon. Ni hindi nga rin alam ng family ni Aeris!
"I don't get it. Concerned ka na alam na ng mga tao sa office? Masyado na ngang late eh! You guys are already engaged na kaya?"
"Of course not! That's the least of my concerns now. It's just that...."
I took a deep breath and refilled my glass with cold wine again.
"Lushia's right, Rachel. How can I be a good wife to Aeris? A good mother to our future children? Hindi porket magpapakasal kami, the fact that I grew up with no family, that I am still learning the concept of family, will change. I... I basically have nothing much to offer!"
Hindi ko na napigilang maiyak. Yesterday was like a wake-up call for me, para akong nagising mula sa isang magandang panaginip. Lushia's words were harsh but some really hit home. Totoo ang iba sa mga iyon.
Rachel hugged me.
"That's totally fine, Sari. But maybe, you're overthinking it. We're not blood related but I see you as my sister! Mas alam mo pa nga ang mga kagagahan ko kaysa sa mga totoo kong kapatid. At anong nothing much to offer? Alam mong hindi totoo yan so huwag kang magpapa apekto sa bruhang Lushia na iyon! She's the last person na dapat mong pakinggan! Remember, gusto niya lang kayong sirain ni Engr. Aeris! Don't let her!"
Lalo akong naiyak sa mga sinabi ni Rachel. I honestly don't know anymore! I want to be with Aeris but I don't want to be unfair to him. Parang sa isang iglap, nawala bigla yung confidence ko na kaya kong maging kasama at katuwang niya sa buhay.
I just cried silently in Rachel's arms, hinahagod niya ang likod ko. I wanted to believe na tama sila, na hindi lang naman dugo ang batayan ng pagkakaroon ng pamilya pero hindi naman ganun lang kadali iyon.
Nakatulugan ko na yata ang pag-iyak. Mataas na ang araw at nakahiga na ako sa kama ko. My phone says 10:00AM, may message rin mula kay Rachel telling me to rest and take it easy. Nakauwi na raw siya.
Bumangon ako para magtimpla ng kape. There's a note from Aeris sa ref:
Good morning, Love! I'll do the food tasting muna today ha. Magpahinga at kumain ka ng mabuti. We'll talk pag uwi ko. Mahal kita....
-Your baby love Engr. Ae
There. Tears again. I'm not really sure now if I deserve this man. I've never been this insecure in my life! Ngayon lang, ngayon pa! Dapat magkasama kami sa food tasting but here I am!
Halos natulog lang ako maghapon. Iiyak, matutulog, magmumukmok.
Monday came at kahit mugto ang mga mata, pumasok pa rin ako sa trabaho. I don't want to break Mr. Sanchez's trust and confidence in me so my goal is to pass the probationary period.
There was a knock on the door, it opened and showed Lara's face.
"Hi Atty! Sorry to disturb, fresh flowers for you po from Engr. Alcantara. Saan ko po ilalagay?"
Nasa transparent vase na may tubig na ang mga bulaklak. Long stemmed roses of different colors: white, red and champagne. Nasa 20 pcs. siguro ang mga iyon.
I forced a smile.
"Thanks, Lara! Pakilagay na lang sa round table"
"Alright! And for you rin daw po..."
Si Lara pa rin na inaabot sa akin ang isang white envelope matapos ilapag ang vase sa lamesa.
"From Aeris din? Salamat Lara ha! And sorry na rin sa abala!"
"Naku wala po yun, Atty. Sari! Ang cute ninyo ngang dalawa eh. Bagay kayo ni Engr.!"
Namula pa si Lara habang sinasabi iyon. Hay parang napaka inosente pa ng staff kong ito!
"Talaga? Don't you think that I'm too young for him and thus, not good enough for him?"
Halos matawa ako nang manlaki ang mga mata ni Lara, kumunot pa ang noo niya. As if it's the last thing that I will reply to her.
"Luh, seryoso ka ba dyan Atty.?! Alam ninyo po bang sa ilang taon ko dito sa Vista, ngayon ko lang nakita si Engr. Aeris na legit happy and blooming! Kung hindi pa yun ang basehan if good enough kayo for him ay ewan ko na lang po. For me, ikaw Atty. Sari ang best fit for him kahit clueless kami sa love story ninyo!"
I smiled, a lighter one.
"Talaga? Bola naman yata sa Boss yan eh! But thanks for that Lara ha. I honestly need reassuring words now kaya salamat!"
Lara blushed.
"No biggie, Atty. Sariel! Basta nandito lang po ako kapag kailangan ninyo ng kausap even outside work..."
Lumabas na si Lara. I sighed and opened the envelope. May card sa loob:
Beautiful roses of different colors for the one who finally put colors to my life. I love you, Sariel!
Yours,
Ae
My face heated. Naging extra sweet pa nga ang Senior na ito after that Lushia incident. I asked him for space, he gracefully accepted it but still never failed to remind me how much I mean to him.
I dialed his local number in my office telephone. Alam kong nandito lang din siya sa office ngayon, bukas pa ang site visits nila.
"Hello? Atty. Sariel?"
He carefully said when he answered the phone.
"Yes, Engr. Aeris this is me. Can you come here now in my office? We need to talk..."
I formally answered kahit hindi naman tungkol sa trabaho ang pag-uusapan namin. I can feel beads of sweat in my forehead but I have to tell him my decision.
"Alright, coming Love!"
He quickly replied before dropping the call.
I sighed and stared at the roses he gave. I hope that he will accept my decision.
