Other Side of the Fence | ✓

i - a shadow of a smile

Hyunjin shifted in his sleep, his brows knitting as he felt the cold mattress beside him, "Love?" he called, receiving no response. 

Peering his eyes open, he saw the empty side of the bed. His lids opened up as wide as it could go as he sprung up from the bed, calling for his lover once again. His mind was already swarming with thoughts he couldn't swat away.

"Felix?" His heart started picking up in quick beats as he peeled himself off from under the sheets, feeling the chilly air kiss his naked body, but he didn't mind as panic ate him up.

Where's Felix? Did he leave him again? No, no, he can't leave him again. They just met. After all these years of searching, he finally found him again. He can't just disappear like that again. He can't just let Felix slip through his fingertips like the last time. He won't survive.

"Baby? Felix, where are you, love?" He almost fell to the floor as he didn't notice the sheet getting tangled on his feet, making him stumble, thankful for his quick reflexes to catch his balance on time.

He quickly untangled himself, rushing towards the door when it suddenly swung open, revealing the cause of his flaring anxiety, casually holding a glass of water.

Felix's brows furrowed in concern, "Where are you going?" He asks, scanning Hyunjin's frozen state.

"You- you-" He rushed to where Felix was standing, grabbing the boy by the arm and scooping him into his embrace, almost spilling the water. His body was trembling, his breathing ragged and all he could do is shut his eyes as he basked in Felix's presence, his lover's warmth spreading through him.

Felix was there. He was still there.

"I'm sorry, Hyunnie." The younger sniffled, burying his face further into Hyunjin's bare chest. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm here now, baby. I won't leave you anymore." Felix moved away to grab Hyunjin's face in his small hands, eyes full of guilt and sincerity as they locked gazes, "I won't go anywhere. I'll stay here with you."

•••

A Year Ago

Hyunjin grumbled under his breath as he finally saw their band's van coming in his direction. He'd been waiting for almost half an hour outside of his apartment building, since the boys said they're on their way, but obviously, he should've known better.

"Thanks for arriving on time, I really appreciated that." He let out sarcastically, sliding the door shut loudly to make his point clear.

"Easy, boy." Says Changbin, hitting on the gas to once again hit off the road. "It was Chan-hyung that was taking long putting in his costume. An absolute bummer."

Yep, you heard that right. At that moment, Hyunjin was riding with a potato, a hotdog and... What even is that that Changbin was wearing? He looks like a zombie but with a pair of wings that of a bat's?

"And speaking of costume, where the fuck is yours? Don't tell me you're attending a halloween costume party like that?" Asked the hotdog, Minho, scanning Hyunjin's casual clothing made up of black shirt, black pants and a pair of black converse.

He snickered, "You bet I am."

"It's a goddamn costume party, you idiot! A costume party, costume is required, if you hadn't heard."

"I'm attending as a miserable man." He refutes, "What else could be more scarier than wanting to die?"

It was meant to sound like a joke, but the way it came out from his lips was too serious, too heavy, and far too meaningful to have anyone laughing on it.

The loud group suddenly became quiet, too quiet that you could probably hear him berating himself for being a bad comedian in his mind while he gnaws on the inside of his cheek.

"You fool." Says their leader, Chan, after a while of awkward silence that had passed, slapping his head, making him wince by the impact. "Don't say things like that, he won't like it."

He stopped, pictures of his unhappy face came flashing in his mind, making something in him hurt.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry." He muttered lowly, his voice full of restraint to not let it crack as he tilted his head, and shifted his gaze outside of the window, on the passing street. 

The throbbing in his chest was back again, and all he could do is breath out heavily, hoping the heaviness would somehow subside, but the weigh only got heavier as every second tick by and that person wasn't by his side. Every hour of everyday he wished he'd somehow magically wake up with him hugging his cold body, and kissing his pain away.

If only he'd known. 

If only he could go back in time-

"Hyunjin!" 

He was shaken off from his spiraling as he felt a nudge on his side, coming from Minho whose eyes had gradually softened with sympathy. Oh, how he hates that look.

"I'm okay. I was just joking anyway, you know how bad my humor can be." He let out an awkward laugh,  once again tilting his head to the side, counting the streetlights that pass by them like it's the most interesting thing to do in the world. 

"You know we're just trying to-"

"Yes, hyung, I know, thank you." He says dismissively before his eyes snapped wide open, realizing how rude it came off. "I'm sorry, hyung... I was being an ass, wasn't I?" Maybe he had sounded so apologetic... well either that or he looks so fucking pitiful; pathetic that Minho decided to just go easy on him this time, just letting out a small sigh instead, though Hyunjin can tell the older boy had many things to say, which he was thankful for.

"Yes, you are." Changbin replied blatantly, head poking from the driver's seat as they inconveniently stopped at a red light.

"Sorry," Hyunjin sighs, not knowing what else to say as he knows he doesn't have an excuse for being such a jerk, "I... can we not talk about this anymore? I know you're all just concerned, but I'm okay." He tried to give them a reassuring smile to which he had wished did not turn out to be a grimace. "I'm really just fine, don't worry too much."

The others didn't say anything more and with an understanding nods and sighs, Chan changed the subject of their conversation into music, which he wasn't in the mood anymore to chime in, so he just tips his head on the side, letting it rest against the window as he closed his eyes.

Images of a certain blond boy and a pair of sparkling doe eyes as they stared at him, flashing through his mind, hitting him with a heavy wave of longing and a painfully bitter feeling.

Fuck, do I need whiskey.