The Exchange Variation

Chapter CII - Luft

Soft golden light filters through her fluttering lashes as she opens her eyes. She feels adrift for a moment, disoriented. Something is different.

Something is wrong.

And then, she realizes what it is. She's not been awoken by the nightmares. No thumping heart and clammy skin. No prickling of her skin. No terror washing through her, obliterating any sense of stability she might have gained from her night's rest.

She's waking with a sense of peace that she's not felt for what seems like forever.

In her half-asleep state, she turns over to find Roman watching her.

"Morning beautiful," he greets her with a gentle smile that fills her heart with inexplicable joy.

"Hi," she smiles back at him, her voice husky as she stretches her arms above her head. "What time is it?"

"A quarter past ten," he brushes some stray strands of hair from her face and then leans over to plant a soft kiss on her lips. "I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful."

"I was," her brows knit briefly in the middle as she considers her uninterrupted night's sleep. "I can't quite believe it. No nightmares..." she trails off with a tiny shudder, as the dreams that have plagued her swim before her eyes for the briefest of moments.

"Hey," Roman brushes his thumb across her cheek again. "That's a good thing, right?"

"It's a wonderful thing," she shakes her head, dispelling the unwanted images and she smiles at him. "The sessions with Laura are really starting to help."

It's been almost two weeks since her breakthrough session with Laura and she's been committing to three hours every day to work through the residual emotions she has about what happened, about Grace, and integrating back into her life. It's hard work, but it's worth it; she is starting to see the benefits. A good night's sleep is an excellent reminder of that.

"Hold me?" she smiles shyly at Roman. It feels like forever since they have been intimate and for the past few months, it seems like every time she has been in Roman's arms it's been because she's been terrified. She wants to remember how good it feels to be held by him, to smell his scent. To feel his lips on hers.

"You don't have to ask twice, Doc." He grins as he edges closer to her and eases his arms around her.

She sighs as she settles into his embrace. The familiar feel of his skin, warm against hers. The musky, morning smell of him. She closes her eyes and nuzzles his chest, feeling him kiss the top of her head. This is magical. After all they have been through, that they can find and trust and love each other the way they do, it's a miracle. It's perfect. They are perfect.

"I love you," she murmurs softly.

"I love you too, baby," his voice hums against the top of her head. "I love you more every day. I love your kindness and your strength and the way you always fight to do what's right."

A wave of guilt washes through her and she tenses momentarily. "Not always," she reminds him in a somber tone.

"That wasn't your fault," he reminds her in return, his fingers stroking her hair, soothing her. "I thought we'd established that, Doc."

"Yes," she sighs, pulling back from him slightly so that she can look him in the eyes. She searches their blue depths for a moment and then gives him a fleeting smile. "We have. I know it intellectually, Roman. I even believe it, in my head. I am having a hard time convincing my heart though."

"I understand," he says simply. "But you'll get there, Doc." He strokes the side of her cheek with his crooked forefinger.

"We both will." She draws her hand over his shoulder and down his back, visualizing the tattoo etched there underneath her fingers. Stefano has done so much to try and destroy them, but he has only served to strengthen their love, their unbreakable bond.