Chapter Nineteen (Part 2)

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I just stared at him, not sure how to answer, feeling my face redden with unintended anger.

"Look, Scott, I don't have anything against you. You've dealt with a lot of crazy shit, and the fact that you want to keep him alive, make sure he's safe, proves you're a decent guy. But don't you think it's a little risky to be close to him...for several reasons? Mitch is my friend and I don't want him to get hurt."

"Do you think I'm trying to get close to him out of guilt?" I asked.

"It kinda seems that way...but maybe I'm wrong. Either way, you need to stop feeling guilty.

Kevin turned on his computer and I rolled over on my stomach, staring at the pattern on the sheets, absorbing his insightful message. Was pursuing Mitch about guilt or maybe even the thrill of chasing him again?

Then again, I could have walked away in 2009 that last night we were together. I'd been an hour late for dinner and then I told him I needed to skip the movie because I had plans with Kevin.
He had gotten up from his chair, and said calmly, "Well, I have other things I could be doing, too, so I'll just go and do that now."

I knew he was pissed, even though he didn't start shouting at me until I chased after him. But I did chase after him. That had to mean something. I'd never dated guys from my high school or anyone who knew much about my personal life. Or people who knew my sister before she died. College was easier. Somehow I ended up telling Mitch nearly everything about myself...but for once, I was
the only source. He wasn't picking up the gossip and rumors that had gone through my school.

What made it so easy to talk to Mitch was that I could tell him half of what I meant and he'd fill in the rest. He knew what I was thinking. Like the first time I kissed him....

It had been my nineteenth birthday. September, 2009. My dad was ignoring it, just like he'd done ever since Courtney died.
Mitch had just broken up with David and agreed to go out to a club with the rest of the camp staff. Of course, I was thrilled about the opportunity to get him alone, but I could tell he was miserable and trying to give the appearance of enjoying himself.

Just like that, I ditched my original plan to lure him onto the dance floor.

"You want to get out of here?" I asked him.

He nodded. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Me, too." His fingers landed inside my palm and I gripped them, leading him out into the warm air.

I dropped his hand before we started down the sidewalk. "You don't eat pizza, do you?"

He shook his head. "No, gluten-free."

"I know this amazing deli across town. Lots of gluten-free items."

"Sounds good."

We hopped in a cab and headed far away from the club. The deli was almost empty and we took our time selecting one of nearly every vegetarian item on the menu, then spread out our feast across the largest table.

"How long have you been gluten free?"
He took a sip of his small bowl of soup before answering.
"For a while...maybe eight or nine years." He smiled and took a sip from his iced tea. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

"Was this your plan all along? To get me alone tonight? I've heard you...do this a lot."

My tongue was tied for a minute. I folded my hands over the table and stared right at him. "Honestly, I watched you dancing with Brook," I said, "and I knew you felt guilty about enjoying yourself tonight. We have that in common."
This was the truth. I just wanted to be around him, but I didn't know exactly why. Which kinda scared me a little.

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