You're In My Mind

8 - The Piece Of Paper

If I've learned anything, this little world has taught me to never stray from my emotions. Even if misleading, they will help you grow. Shutting off completely will only ever leave you cold, unreachable, and inevitably alone. Before this place, my heart was nothing but a remnant of my past. The old me was barely a memory. The clouds we called the feeling bubbles were the first step to unlocking what I had buried underneath tough skin and many mind blocks. The second step was Evan. From his curious eyes to his caring personality, he had swayed my emotions, and obliterated all logic I thought I had had. But that was good, I was moving forward. And I am never turning back.

As I sit quietly in my bedroom, my thoughts race through those dark months. I remember exactly how I felt, where I was, and now how far I've come. They say time changes everything, but for me, it's a person. Evan. He's seen the unspeakable, yet doesn't run. I care for him, I really do, but my wall isn't down, just lowered.

It's been months and months since I've felt this free. This okay. And for once, I felt productive. I glanced around my messy room, cringing at the dust I can see surfacing on the little mirror I have on my nightstand. I briskly walk downstairs, not necessarily hoping to interact with anyone, and I find the cleaning supplies. The duster, spray, a couple wash cloths, and the vacuum. I stand at my door with my hands on my hips, lightly biting down on my lip in pure thought. I scan every section of my cluttered space, until inch by inch, I begin to pick up loose papers or trash around the room. That is. . Until one paper in particular catches my eye. There's scribbled writing and crossed out lines, and as I begin to piece together what this is, my eyes start to water. I had written this song before I was taken. Before my world was thrown upside down. And every word was like the pep talk my parents or the authorities always seemed to lack.

The song had talked of hope. Of light. Of confidence, and how life is short, so we must make the most of the time we have, no matter what life throws at us. I faintly smiled to myself and held the paper close to my heart, as if embracing the fragile little piece of paper in a hug. A warm teardrop slid down my cheek and landed on my shirt, but I didn't care. Reading this note, this song, these simple lyrics just three years ago I thought were so silly, now meant more than anyone could ever know. Because now I remember the before. Who I was before the kidnapping, the bright and bubbly girl with loads of hope. I didn't know the cruelty of the world, or how mean and ruthless people could really be. I was so sheltered. . .So. . .Happy. They could steal me, hurt me, but they would never rid me of my hope. This was the sign I always needed. I silently thank the God above, and I stand back up from my comfy spot on the floor.

I put my music back on, and I resume cleaning. I resume being productive. I smile to myself.

~ ~ ~

Later that day, I joined Evan back in paradise. The sky is a beautiful sunset, and there's only bright green, grassy hills for miles. The whole scene is peaceful, and simple. I sit next to Evan twirling my fingers through a blade of grass when his voice, like a soft melody, sounds over the light breeze and my thoughts.

"You're happy." He says softly, and I turn to meet his eyes that are pouring with compassion into mine. I can feel every beat in my heart accelerate, yet, the moment feels as if It's in slow motion.

I have zero words at first. I'm caught up in the feel of the moment. I smile back, and his eyes glow. When I reach over to take his hand, he pulls me in, wrapping his arms around me in a fond embrace. I speak against his warmth, soft with meaningfulness. "That's because for the first time in a long time, I finally am."

When the words come out, I feel something within me spark. I feel like I'm inside Evan's thoughts, seeing into his feelings, and hearing his desires for a moment. Emotion floods my mind, and my thoughts are jumbled together. I'm speechless. What just happened? I felt a million different things, yet all one emotion, when I was in his head. It was. . .

Love.

Everything screamed love.

Evan seems to notice my change in emotion, and unwraps his arms from me. He knows that I know. He knows what just happened. And as I stare into his sparkling eyes, and he stares into mine, we share a moment of anticipated silence. Can neither of us speak? Where do words go when you need them? The world around us fades from view, and all I can see is him. The breeze is slightly chilly, but it's nothing compared to the warmth within my heart at this moment. The warmth encases my entire body, until I fear he can see the outline of my heart. When did the sky turn pink? When did my vision become less clear?

And when, did his lips meet mine?

In this moment, our walls collapse. Pulling in and out of meaningful kisses, it's as if everything was coming to life. As if all the feelings we'd put off we're now beginning to surface. This was fast, yet slow. And I could feel every emotion within him. The bond we always shared since day one, was now showing itself in a new light. Love, it screamed. Just simple, complex, love.

Breathless, our kisses slowed, until eventually, they finally stopped. I have no concept of time, nor am I thinking of a single clear thing. His eyes being locked with mine is the only thing I am sure of in this universe. Again, neither of us can speak. Caught up in the moment, as all young lovers do, we relish in this moment and we stay there. Never before have I understood someone so well. And just like the piece of crumpled up paper in my room, this made me happy. He is my hope. I don't think of how quickly this came to be. I don't think of anything at all.

And neither does he. Instead, we smile.