❖His Gem♦💎♦Ashtray❖

Your Family F💎cked Up Too?

   For as long as I could remember, I could feel the split in my family. The division within my household. There was my sweet, caring and loving father. He was softspoken, and although he never really agreed with my mother, he kept the fighting to a minimum. I knew he had a soft spot for my sister. Of course, she wasn't always my sister.. She used to be my brother.

   I knew there was something.. different with my brother, Hunter. We've always been close.. Best friends. We'd play dolls and dress up; we'd give each other makeovers and put on fashion shows.

His stage name was Jules, and mine was Gem.

   We often had fun, our parents, mainly our father would sit and watch us as we would put on our shows. Try and miserably fail to play out our 'special talents.' It's painful to look back on now, the horrid acts we'd put on. But it was fun, and it was something the three of us enjoyed doing. My brother and I playing and having fun, and my father, just happy to be spending time with his kids whom he loves so much.

   Whereas my father was okay with how my brother was, rather he thought it was just a phase or really knew this was who Hunter was meant to be, my mother had a much harder time accepting the fact. She'd often leave the house, just walked out, as we'd come click clacking down the stairs in our fake little heels, ready to put on our show for our parents. She'd stay sometimes, a small almost painful and very fake smile sometimes making its way to her face, before finally giving up and leaving like she so usually did. Sometimes yelling for getting into the makeup again... and the fact Hunter was wearing a dress, or my clothes in general. Sometimes dad would try and calm her down, usually resulting in them getting in an argument.

   It was clear my mother had a resentment against my brother. The scolding he got the first time we got in her makeup. She was yelling at both of us, but.. It was like she was directly tell him  how wrong it was. Like he had just broken a law. Almost like what he had done was the vilest thing on earth. He was only 5. Barely.

   She was often quiet, looking down and tried to act like she wasn't there as if it would just get us to leave the room, or yell. Man did she love yelling.

   Her favorite thing to do was take me out dress shopping. I hated it. I despised it. She'd force me into the bright clothing places, shoving me along with her. The excitement on her face as she pulled up the most hideous fucking dress I have ever seen in my life. Not only just the colors, but the patterns, the frills, the.. the everything. I hated coming out of the changing room and she would be standing there, some other people turning to look out of instinct as I shuffled out awkwardly in whatever supposed definition of cute and frufru dress I had tried on at the time. The noises of 'awes' and 'so cute' still ringing in my ears.

   Which, I should clear this up. I liked dressing up with Hunter, and always had fun, but shopping with my mother was a whole new thing. It was embarrassing and always felt more forced than what Hunter and I would just do for fun. Hunter knew how much I hated going.. Well, maybe not just how much. I remember the night I had snuck in his room. It was one of the first times my mother had taken me to go shopping. I couldn't help but cry, overwhelmed by the experience. To many people looking at me all at once.. It scared me.

"It's weird, mom takes you shopping, and you hate it.. Mom just gets me clothes and makes me wear them even if I don't like them."

   I think that was the first time I noticed the difference in us. How much I liked more of the boyish things in life while Hunter was more... feminine. I liked rough housing and talked and acted more... unrestricted. Not afraid to say the wrong thing. When we played with our dolls, I'd often be the boy and Hunter would be the girl.