Leave, Before You Love Me

Chapter Twenty

Mason joins me on the couch, sitting silently for a few minutes. I wait for him to start speaking, but when I look at him, he's moping— staring ahead. His eyes are distant and unreadable, and I wonder why I decided to stay. He's totally dissociated.

It's been almost a month of this seesaw motion, the constant uncertainty, never fully knowing where his mind is at... if I choose to be with him, I deserve to know why it's so imperative that I do as he asks. I have always struggled to ask for what I want, but it's time he gives me answers.

I've been patient for long enough, and I know what I deserve... and It isn't this!

I take a deep breath to calm myself before starting the conversation. Hearing Ben's voice inside my head, I recall him encouraging me to talk to Mason, and now is my chance.

"Is it me? Are you embarrassed by me, Mason?" I ask him. I know I've asked this before, but I need to know the truth. My insecurity bleeds through my words. "We couldn't be any more different. I mean, look at us." I gesture between him and me.

His eyes widen, appalled by my words, "Fuck no. Why do you keep asking me that? What am I doing that makes you feel that way?"

His answer reassures me but only for a short time, and releasing the breath I had been holding, I continue, "Because whenever our friends are around us, you don't come near me. You make it seem like you don't want anything to do with me. Now you tell me you don't want anyone to see us together." I explain. "If it is true, and we are just friends, Mase, then why all the secrecy?"

Mason stands up from the couch and begins pacing back and forth, searching for the right words, I imagine.

"Look, I don't give a shit about my friends. They already know! It's your friends that I worry about. I know how they feel about me." His tone is sarcastic, "Charlotte and Lilly have been warning me to stay away from you since High School. They threatened to tell you everything about me and my past." Mason looks down at me.

Hearing this does... and doesn't surprise me— I can't help but laugh at the extent my friends would go to protect me. "Since High School?" They never mentioned this to me before... they've been keeping Mason and me apart?!

Those bitches!

Mase side-eyes me and smirks, "Yes. I told you before you weren't the only one with the crush Ros," Now he's the one who's suddenly shy, "And you laugh, but Lilly terrifies me. Plus, my history isn't something that I want everyone to know. It's in the past. That's where I would like it to stay," He finishes, his hands in his pants pockets as he rocks back and forth on his heels.

"You think I don't know about your past, Mase? Charlotte & Lilly would never keep anything  from me if they thought there was a chance I could get hurt." I tell him.

Mason advances on me, kneeling at my feet. His torso pushes against my legs, making me scooch back on the couch. "Why are you here?" He looks questioningly at me. "If you know about the shitty things I've done, why would you agree to come tonight?" His words release in a flurry, and he grabs my wrists, waiting for an answer.

He makes me question myself. Truthfully, I don't know how to answer him. I know Mason has a bad reputation, but I have always chosen to look past it. I want to believe there's more to him than he allows everyone to see.

"I like you," I tell him earnestly. "No matter what you did in your past."

"Why?"

I snort, "Why?" I repeat, and he nods. "Mase, because...." My words drift off as his dark chestnut eyes bore into mine, "Because you make me feel things I've never felt before." I groan.