T͟o͟r͟t͟u͟r͟e͟

+ 7

"Thanks for watching Cielo. Today took an...uneventful turn," I told Madame Michel, pulling a new shirt over my freshly washed skin. I already had a white bra on, black jeans, and a backwards cap. It said Camphor in big white letters. We stood in front of Cielo's room as she sat inside.

"I assume that Cielo is going to be a little stressed then today?"

"Yes...just try to be understanding," I sighed. It was around three, and in several hours I'd be wasted in another city. I should be at villa instead...explaining things to Cielo. Comforting her. Being her mom.

"Could you prepare her something? I wanna talk to her alone for a moment," I said.

Madame Michel left Cielo's bedroom, heading to the kitchen.

Cielo sat on her bed, staring straight ahead as she kicked her legs in a slow pattern.

"Cielo?"

She ignored me.

"Mommy's sorry for lying."

She stopped kicking.

"I know you're old enough to understand that Mommy lied today back at the parking lot. Could you draw for me what you saw? How much you saw?"

Cielo nodded once, sliding off of the bed and grabbing her pencils and paper. She only liked to draw on yellow paper for now, but I was slowly lightening the shades she used here until she could use white paper.

I let her scribble for a couple of minutes.

The nanny peeked her head in after awhile, "Still here, Ms. Kelley?"

"Cielo's showing me something," I told her.

"Oh, what is it?" The nanny stepped into the room curiously.

"It's fine," I gave her a tight smile. I'd rather not have to reveal my life style to her today. "It's something private."

"Understood."

Cielo handed me the drawing she made, a somewhat solemn expression on her face.

I stared down at the drawing: red scribbles on the bottoms of the cars, a stick figure on the ground with tears, another figure (who I could assume was me), laughing with a gun.

She had seen me. She had seen everything.

"Cielo," my voice cracked a little.

I tried to do our elbow/hands thing and she moved away from me. She understands that her Mommy is a bad person.

"Cielo, you shouldn't have seen that," I bit down on my lip, trying to keep my tears from spilling over. I had been raised in this lifestyle- bred to be the one to take over the family cartel so that my father could do what he wanted. I was trying to give Cielo a normal childhood, but the reality of things is that Camphor isn't a normal place.

I could have waited to hurt Mira.

I squeezed my eyes shut, I could have waited.

"Cielo, what Mommy did was very bad, okay?"

She didn't look at me, kicking again as she sat on the edge of the bed, furthest away from me.

"You know you'll have to do it too someday?"

Thump, thump, thump.

"I'm sorry that I'm not doing enough to save you...or Grandma."

Thump, thump, thump.

"Maybe when you get older, you'll realize the way that Camphor really is. This city, this lifestyle," I told her softly. "Maybe you'll be able to run away. But it has its claws too deep in my skin."