Dying Is Such A Bitch (Various Helluva Boss x Reader)

Pilot (Chapter One)

Ah Hell. A place of full of sadness, misery, and disappointment. A place so cruel and lacking in emotion that this is where our story begins. What story you may ask? The story of your life. Still confused? Well just sit back and let me explain the rest. It all started inside a closed door, with a sign that says "Meeting in progress". Inside, Blitzo is lecturing his employees while by a white board.

Blitzo: "Alright, now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here...Moxxie." Moxxie gives Blitzo a WTF look as he continues on with the lecture. "Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?"

Millie quickly raises her hand before yelling out, "Oh! Oh! What about a car wash?" (Y/N) files her nails as she sighs before looking over at Millie, running her fingers through her (H/L), (H/C) hair as she says, "This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being cleaned here unless they're being cleaned by some half naked skank looking to get into somebody's pants, okay?"

"Yes Millie. This is Hell. No one gives a fuck about cars being cleaned here so we need to think outside of the box, okay?" Blitzo looks down in thought and quickly looking back up. "Ooh, what about a billboard?"

You give Blitzo a dubious look before Moxxie ridiculing voices, "We can't afford a billboard, sir." with an agitated look on his face.

Blitzo grabs Moxxie by the throat as he says in an overly sarcastic voice, "Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now." before pushing Moxxie away and walking towards the TV. "Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?"

Blitzo turns on a TV to show him whacking a man in the face with a mallet, Moxxie blown away firing a shotgun through the mouth of a man tied to a chair, Loona swinging a man back and forth in her mouth, (Y/N) freezing a man with her hands as she pushes him to the ground, resulting in him shattering to a million pieces, and Millie decapitating someone with a harpoon as she laughs.

Blitzo shares some popcorn with (Y/N) and Millie as he says "Ahh, those were the good times."

"I don't need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches." Moxxie says as he rubs his temples.

You look in interest, still eating popcorn as Blitzo says, "Uh, hey, excuse me. What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, all right? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!"

"People love musicals, sir." "Exactly, Millie! And we're basically doin' a musical." You slide off the couch, quickly dusting off your fabric before dramatically throwing a piece of popcorn at Moxxie's feet, casing him to look at you, puzzled. "Are you gonna crush Blitzo's musical theatre dreams like his dad did?" "Huh?" You grab Moxxie by the collar of his shirt as you give him a playful glare, causing him to blush from how close you are by him. "Are you trying to make sure he never has a chance to find true happiness because if so that makes you a major piece of shit. Boo, You whore."

Moxxie blushes even more as he says, "Um...(Y/n-"

Millie: Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie? "I...What?" Millie gives Moxxie a flirtatious glance as she leans in close before saying, "I thought I knew you better." and teasingly sticking out her tongue.

(Y/N) chuckles as Blitzo quickly says, "I can't believe you, Moxxie, even after I made you employee of the month!

Moxxie sighs as he says, "Okay, sir! I'm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles!"