I Don't Know How to Say This

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The pilots sat in the classroom chatting excitedly amongst themselves unable to contain themselves after watching Maverick run the course successfully. The excited chatter had faded into stilted murmuring in the room before anyone came back to update them. Maverick had been chosen as team lead and he would be selecting the rest of the pilots going on the mission today. Sadie had to fight down the nervous feeling trying to escape through her throat as she watched her teammates line up in rows standing at attention in front of Maverick. Because she was not able to fly the mission, she stood off to the left next to Cyclone and Warlock, holding her breath waiting for Maverick's decision.

"It has been an honour flying with you," Maverick started. "Each one of you represents the best of the best. This is a very specific mission and my choices are a reflection of that and nothing else."  

Sadie reached up to where the lucky penny hung around her neck, squeezing her hand around it and trying to keep a blank face so that the others wouldn't see how worried she was.

"Phoenix and Bob," he called. The pair stepped forward heads held high. "Payback and Fanboy."

Sadie felt all rational thoughts leave her head upon hearing that Fanboy would be going on the mission. It was just a jumble of panic and pride for her friend.

"And for my wingman..." Maverick scanned the three solo pilots standing in front of him. "Rooster," he said finally. "The rest of you will be on stand by on the carrier for any reserve role that are required. We are shipping out tomorrow morning. Dismissed." 

They had been given the evening off in preparation for their deployment the next morning and the team was sitting on the back deck celebrating with the pilots who had been chosen

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They had been given the evening off in preparation for their deployment the next morning and the team was sitting on the back deck celebrating with the pilots who had been chosen. 

"Promise me you'll be safe Fanboy, because if you die, you'll be leaving me to console your widow and I can't promise she won't fall in love with me," Sadie said trying to keep the mood light and hiding some of her worry behind humour.

"You won't even wait until I'm cold in the grave before you move in on my wife?" He held his hands over his heart, feigning hurt. 

"No so you better make sure your ass makes it home."

"Jeez talk to Payback. I'm just the guy pointing the laser. He's got to do all the fancy flying." 

Sadie stood up, moving behind Packback and hugging him from behind.

"You keep my boy safe, and you stay safe too, or there'll be hell to pay." 

"You've got it Casper. I wouldn't dare incur your wrath." 

Sadie laughed at Payback, squeezing him hard with her good arm. Off to the side she spied Hangman slipping away from the group and heading into the dorm house. She looked around at everyone deep in conversation and decided she wouldn't be missed, following him in. 

As she reached the top of the stairs she could see that he was in his room, sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. She approached slowly, knocking softly on the door to get his attention. He looked up at her smiling slightly before his face fell again showing just how tired he must be. 

"Are you ok?" she asked. 

"I've been better. I was still holding out hope that Maverick might choose me for his wingman. Stupid, huh?"

"Not stupid. You would've been great on the mission but you can't beat yourself up about not getting it. You're still a fantastic pilot." 

He smiled slightly again but it didn't reach his eyes so Sadie moved in to sit down next to him. He looked so vulnerable and human right now compared to his usual larger than life self and Sadie felt those feelings that she had been pushing down start to rise again. Using her good arm she reached up turning his face towards her until she was looking deeply into his eyes. A thousand things raced through her head but one thought kept re-appearing over and over until it was the only thing on her mind. I love you. She needed to say it. 

"Hangman I don't know how to say this..." she trailed off trying to piece together something that would convey how she was feeling. He continued to look at her not saying anything, giving her the space to say what she needed to. "This is selfish but I was really glad you weren't chosen for the mission."

"Jeez Casper, way to hit a guy when he's down," Hangman said starting to pull away but Sadie gripped his shirt forcing him to stay looking at her.

"Ok no that wasn't right. What I meant to say is that, you know how you talked about feeling lost when there was nothing you could do while I was in the hospital? That was how I was feeling watching you wait to be chosen for this mission." He waited for her to continue, slowly taking her hand in his own. "Because I don't know what I would do if you got hurt. Because I'm falling in love with you Jake, and I know that probably isn't want you want to hear..." 

Without saying anything his hand moved up her back and into her hair pulling her into a soft kiss, interrupting her sentence.

"Sadie, that is the best thing I've ever heard." 



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