Gender Traitor

Chapter 1.

Love. Noun. An intense feeling of affection.

It's like a flower you have to grow. Once you planted the seed you have it give it water. But not too much. You have to change the pot once the roots have grown too much for the rose to have enough space. It is so easy to drown a rose. Cut it one inch too far. Once you did all you can do is watch it die and pray that some miracle makes it grow back.

The government taught me how to pray. The government ripped my rose from the ground and let the petals fall over the hole it made in the grass. I never thought humans could handle such a return in time. It's in 2022 that things started to crumble. When the rodevwave ammendment got removed by the supreme court. It started with abortion and soon enough gay marriage and relationships became illegal. I thought it took more than six people to change the faith of a country. More like six millions. But apparently five christians were enough to ruin the life of those people. Four white men. One woman and one black man. I don't know what those two expected. It was only a matter of time before every fight we'd held for the past centeries were burnt to the ground. Christians took control of the laws. I like to think only a small number of them are extremists, that the others just follow the lead that's been given to them. It keeps the bit of faith I have left protected a little. I guess we've been warned before. We just didn't listen.

It's been three years since the event. The supreme ourt is going after contraception now and no one would dare to believe they are not going to get what they want. They will. Whoever thinks otherwise is making a fool out of themself. It's how it is now. Working is still legal but more and more women stay at home. One day that will be illegal too. We are running backwards. They came after the gays, the trans, women, and then they'll go after black people. I am certain of it. The united states never got itself known for its inclusion.

I had a wife before. A son. They both left to France right after gay marriage became illegal. I drove them to the airport. I couldn't go with them, flights were only allowed to people who had family that lives outside of the united states. I don't. And my marriage being illegal, I couldn't risk calling myself their family. My son was almost two years old the last time I saw him. He was asleep when Selena hugged me goodbye. I can't remember the last minute he saw me. I can barely remember anything that happened after my wife walked up those stairs and I lost sight of her.

Leaving is almost impossible now. You need an authorizition. Those are only given for three reasons. One, you have family outside. Two, you are a tourist. Three, you are a white cis straight man.

"The white house has been bombed again. No victims."

I didn't look away from my computer. "It's the third time this month. They see it coming now. They protect themselves."

"The resistence is doing its best Noa." Eddie puts a pile of files on my desk.

" It's not enough." I said.

Eddie is like me. A gender traitor as they call us. His husband was killed two years ago. He was a part of the resistence and got shot by the police. That's all I know, Eddie didn't tell me more. Sometimes I wonder if he knows anything more himself. He never was a part of the bombing group. He is in the middle. Not involved but he knows people who are. It's almost worse. But he is quiet so people ignore him. They will until the situation gets out of their control. Eddie and I are married. That's what we figured would be our best protection. Sadly he doesn't have family outside of the united states either. We're stuck.

"Noa you know they'd need help."

"We have talked this through before didn't we?"

"She is not there anymore Noa. Neither is he. You need to move on. You are here and you-"

I shut my laptop closed. " They are not dead." I looked at him, jaw clenched. "You do not tell me to move on. You do not send me to my death while they are still somewhere out there." I stood up. "I'll see you at home." I said and walked outside the office with the files under my arm.

The building is almost oly filled with men. So are the streets. Appropriate outfits are required outside. Ankle long. Pants and skirt. Arm covered. It's crazy everything that can change in three years. Yet the sun still comes up every morning and down every night. The wind keeps blowing and the birds still sing. You can hear them as soon as you wake up, all day long except when the church's bell rings. That thing makes noise. There is one every district now. To "encourage people to find their way to god". I think if god truly sees what they do with his name he'd regret ever creating us.

I shut the door and put the files on the table. The sun comes in from the window that Eddie left open. He never remembers to close it. I look around. At least he cleaned the flat. The silence can be so loud when it's empty here. I walked to my room and sat on the bed. Shoes fell onto the wooden floor. My body hits the sheets and I sighed. The ceiling is as empty as the sense of this country. I turned around and laid on my belly to reach under my pillow. I pulled the polaroid out and laid my eyes on it. I caressed the face of the woman that haunts every single one of my dreams. She is sitting on the old counter of our house holding our son that's eating her jacket. I am afraid to forget. Forget about their faces, their voices, their smell. The way their skin feels under my fingers. I am afraid I'll forget the noise of their breath. I sniffed and wiped my face with my hand to prevent tears from flowing down. I slipped the picture back under the pillow and sat back down, this time facing the coathanger. I'll see you at home. How can I even call it home if you are not here.

"Noa?"

I looked at my husband standing at the door.

"The media lied. Four member of the supreme court died."

" And? Don't worry for them, they'll replace them with pious people. Men."

"The president has gone missing."

I got irritated " Look Eddie I dont care about their death okay? They could die in agony and I wouldn't lift a finger."

"You don't get it. The media said everyone is safe and sound."

I looked at him. It took me a hot minute. "What's going on..?"

"Things are about to change. And they are scared Noa. Fucking scared."

Fucking scared. That's what I was when things changed for the first time.