After His Passing (Banana Fish)

XI

"So you knew about Ash through Shorter?" Eiji asked.

"Yeah. They'd just met in juvie, and Shorter wouldn't shut up about him. Sometimes I felt like that was why he made friends with me – just so he'd have someone to talk about Ash to," Sing laughed. "Ash was trustworthy. That was the main impression I had. When I thought he'd killed Shorter by choice..." He fell silent and shook his head slightly. "It didn't make sense, but I was too young to think about it much before getting angry."

"It's okay," Eiji said, resting his hand on Sing's shoulder. "I forgive you. And so does he." Ash's presence agreed with Eiji's words. Sing hadn't done anything wrong.

"Thanks." Sing gave a halfhearted smile. "Hey, so... if you forgive me... what about Yut Lung?"

Eiji's stomach tightened. "I... yes. Yes, I guess so." Yut Lung had been just as much of a victim as Ash. He hadn't been as good of a person, Eiji didn't think, but he'd suffered. Eiji would not hold on to hate. He let peace wash over him as he focused on forgiving.

"Good," Sing said, exhaling. "He and I are... friends."

Blanca raised an eyebrow. "What kind of friends?"

Sing shrugged. "Just... friends. Surprisingly casual ones."

"He hasn't tried to get into your pants yet?"

Sing looked irritated. "He's not that bad. Yes, he has a tendency to throw himself at people, but he's gotten a lot better as he's learned to value himself. And no, we're not like that."

"I'm glad he's grown," Eiji said, trying to break the tension in the fierce conversation. Clearly Sing was defensive, although he couldn't see what thoughts were lurking in Blanca's kindly brown eyes. "I hoped he would find a better life once he was free from his brothers."

"Yeah," Sing said. His face looked a little pink. "He's really impressive, honestly. I spend a lot of time with him. He can be rather stupid, but he's started getting really curious about the world, and it's changed his whole perspective. He likes helping people now. It's pretty to watch him try to make a difference."

Blanca laughed. "Pretty. How do you feel about him, again?"

"Does it matter?" Eiji interrupted. "Blanca, it's not our business." He remembered what it was to feel the curious, nosing attempts at love brushing against his heart. It was an awkward, tentative process when he was discovering what he felt for Ash.

Sing gave him a grateful look, and it was almost like Eiji was given a window into what it was like to have time. It hadn't taken him and Ash very long to fall for each other, and they still hadn't had time to truly enjoy themselves. Sing and Yut Lung, whatever they were learning and feeling, had time to breathe and take it in and explore themselves.

He was almost jealous, in a distant way. He was looking at something he couldn't understand, had never felt and would never know. At the same time, though, Eiji was grateful for what he'd had. He and Ash had been fated and had fallen and had flown.

It had been perfect. And it still was.

"I told you to stop running off and leaving me by myself." Even in his reverie, Eiji instantly recognized Yut Lung's sneering voice. He looked up to see the tall, pretty man standing behind Sing. His arms were folded, and his posture was more slumped than it had been when Eiji had first seen him. He wasn't as thin, either, and his hair had been cut into a chin-length bob. He still looked feminine, but more confident.

For the first time, it seemed he'd had the opportunity to choose by himself how the world saw him and how he behaved.

Eiji was glad. Still, when he looked at the man's flawless skin and cold eyes, he could only thing of who he had met those years ago, the one who could have been Ash Lynx but instead became a villain. 

TWO YEARS EARLIER

Yut Lung had been a convincing actor. When they first met him in California, Eiji couldn't help but believe him. He was on their side. He was trying to assist them.

Still, Ash stared at him like he stared at everyone other than Eiji and Shorter: a look of mistrust without intimidation, fierceness without hatred. Sometimes Eiji felt like it was impossible to tell if someone was a threat. Ash treated everyone the same way, a predator glaring down at them judgmentally. Were they merely observers, or were they hunters?

Eiji had miscalculated how much he could trust Yut Lung, but it didn't take long for him to change his mind. He saw the way the boy stared at Ash. It was hungry and greedy and desperate, and made Eiji's stomach twist.

Somehow Yut Lung had gotten to Shorter. One of the few people in America who Eiji trusted completely had betrayed them because of the twisting words of the cardigan-wearing rat.

The trip back to New York was blurry in Eiji's mind, but he always remembered the feeling of Shorter gripping onto his shoulders and whispering soft comforts about how they'd both stay safe until Ash came to save them.

If only they had been able to.

Never had Yut Lung seemed so human as when Dino had left them both undressed and caressed. As the door closed, Eiji saw beneath the boy's mask as another slid into place.

In a moment Yut Lung has shifted from a seductive, eager to please slave into a cold, detached businessman.

He was professional with his trauma.

Could Eiji really hate someone who'd merely coped in a different direction than Ash? Was Yut Lung really more guilty? He'd been entrapped and backed into a corner. He'd felt worthless, clinging to Blanca in hope of having someone value him as a person and trying to compensate with his body for the fact that he felt Blanca could never care without that.

Eiji didn't like him, and he didn't have to. But he'd never been angry enough to have anything to forgive when it came to the man who had never known a kind family.

Instead, he was sorry. He was sorry for the child who had been broken by hatred and abuse. He felt sorry that the world was made so wrong as to twist the souls that could have been beautiful. He was sorry he hadn't been able to do anything for the boy who freed Ash Lynx from Dino's grip.

And he was thankful that destiny was not a downhill road. He was proud that Yut Lung had climbed the mountain and made his way into a place where he was a person, someone learning to heal and fight and love.

Eiji wasn't sure if he was smiling or falling or crying.

All he knew was that Ash was there, and Ash was proud as well, and Ash was bathing him in warm forgiveness. All he knew was that he, too, had learned to climb mountains. 

Votes for this chapter go to cardigans for Yut Lung, I'm sure he doesn't have enough XD