❖His Gem♦💎♦Ashtray❖

Then I Remembered...

      Admittedly.. I don't recall much of the last.. well while.. Everything was a blur, my mind still hazy from the drugs I've been doing with Rue and Elliot lately. I've stayed at Elliot's, mostly from passing out from the drugs, the three of us getting high as fuck and rocking out senselessly to music. Elliot constantly playing on his guitar, which was actually incredibly fucking soothing. He's not that bad after all, actually kinda fun from what I could actually remember.

     If I wasn't at Elliots, I was roaming the streets. Usually because he'd warn me Jules would be coming over, knowing I still wasn't ready to face any of that yet. Sooo, I opt for riding my bike carelessly, my mind numb of thoughts and absolutely zero safety restrictions. Riding high is like.. it's a whole new thing. It hurts more. Definitely uh.. Definitely not as steady on the bike high than I am while sober.

Still kinda surprised I haven't died yet.

     I don't know how.. Maybe it's from the habit. The longing to see them again even if I wasn't even thinking about them. Tried not to anyways, but.. here I was. Outside the store, stumbling to get off my bike. Literally tripping and following in the process. 

"Ahh. Stupid.. Fucking.. Fuck you." I groaned, trying to kick the bike off of me, clumsily trying to get up. My eyes heavy feeling, sunglasses hanging loosely off my face, a pair I stole from Elliot earlier while I was at his house. . In case you're wondering how I'm high now, it's from doing drugs with Rue before leaving because Jules was on her way over to hang out with them.

    Selfishly I was glad Rue was too fucked up to have like.. really cared about making my sister feel better by telling her where I was. To drugged out to pay much attention to the fact everyone thought I was missing.

    Well, was missing. Elliot told my sister he had seen me. Didn't tell me much about it, knowing I didn't want to hear about it.. and he was scared to call her over whenever I was there. Knowing I'd make sure it ended badly by just leaving, and possibly not come back. Him also not wanting to risk the possibility of me doing stupid because of how much drugs I've been taking lately, being in a constant high since the first line I did. 

"Marina? Man, where the fuck have you been?! Are you fuckin' dumb, bruh? We thought yous was fuckin' dead, man." I blinked stupidly, trying to stand straight from standing up from the bike.. My mind swaying, making me feel uneasy on my feet. My eyes were glazed over, my mind trying hard to stay focused on just being somewhat present. Glad I had the glasses on.

"What?" I finally ask dumbly, my voice slurred. Even my fucked-up mind telling how.. Faye sounding it was.. Something seeming to flash across his face once he heard me. Regrettably I was too high to... like fully notice or care. Which sucks because I do. I do care. I love Fez, and I feel quilt I haven't come by to see or talk to him. Avoiding him. Not even reading his messages, or anybody's really.

"Come on, now, bruh.. The fuck is you doin', Marina?... You know your sister has been by nonstop lookin' for you. Ash has been.. Man.. The fuck happened between y'all anyways?" His voice seemed to flow through emotions. Scolding me. Questioning me. But the hurt and sadness making its way in too.

    I blinked lazily, my eyes having a hard time staying open. Tired from the drugs and lack of sleep. I shook my head, trying to come up with something, as well as woke myself up more

"I'm-I'mma go lie down." I say lazily. Not at all present for the conversation Fez was trying to establish with me. I tripped on the ledge leading into the store, trying to keep my balance.

     I swing the cooler door open lazily, keeping the sunglasses on as I clumsily made my way to the couch in the back. Groaning tiredly as I fell back onto.