𝐃𝐢𝐥-𝐞-𝐙𝐚𝐚𝐫 (revamped)

thirty three

No one was at home -- except for dadi jaan and my dad who were both sleeping taking their beauty sleep. Zaroon was at work, Tayi ammi and my mom were gone shopping for the baby and me.

The house was in dim lighting for some reason, the dark blue colors in the sky were no help to give light to the lamp-lit house.

I walked out of my bedroom, my chaddar wrapped around me as I stepped down the stairs, carefully while gripping the railing. Reaching the end of the stairs, I slowly sat down on one of the steps.

I was scared, to say the least. I was worried about the upcoming days, of childbirth, and then the days after labor. Despite Zaroon telling me not to, I couldn't help but research about labor and I should've listened and kept being oblivious.

Curiosity killed the cat.

I could die in childbirth, the thought was enough to send chills down my spine. The possibility was high. I wanted to be there to live the restless days of newborn days, I wanted to be there to watch my baby grow up, and I wanted to watch Zaroon enter fatherhood.

And that couldn't happen if I died.

"Idhar kyun bheti ho?" I heard Zaroon's voice and I looked up at his silhouette.
(Why are you sitting here?)

I only shrugged, my hands gripping my arms as I looked down. I heard him walk closer before he sat next to me on the stairs. I glanced into his eyes before looking away linking my arm with his arm and resting my head on his shoulder.

"Kya howa?" He asked, quietly, feeling an upset aura in the air.
(What happened?)

"Dar lag raha hai," I whispered.
(I feel scared.)

He didn't say anything, already knowing what I was talking about. I slightly tilted my head to look at his face as he looked in front of him.

"Zaroon?" I asked, and he hummed in response.

"Promise me something," I whispered.

"What?" he asked.

"You'll take care of yourself and the baby if I die," I said and he looked at me in a snap, his cold stare sending chills down my arms.

"Fazool baatein mat karo." he said.
(Don't talk rubbish.)

"It's a high possibility," I said, sitting straight -- but my arm still linked with his -- and he looked away. I was talking about it even though I didn't want to because what if it did happen? At least I would die after making a promise to him.

"Zarr," I called out but he ignored me.

"Zarr," I said, shaking his arm. He ignored me again.

Tears gathered in my eyes as I stared at the side of his face. I leaned in closer looking into his eyes while he still didn't look at me.

"Zindagi ka kuch bharosa nahi hai, Zaroon." I said, quietly.
(There's no trust in life, Zaroon.)

"Pata hai? South Asia mai eighty-seven percent maternal deaths howi thi 2020 mai." I told him. He sighed, his eyes momentarily closing as he sat up straight and looked at me.
(Do you know? There were eighty-seven percent maternal deaths in Southern Asia in 2020.)

"Mana kiya that na?" He asked.
(I told you not to, didn't I?)

"Control nahi kar payi." I said, like a child.
(I couldn't control.)

"Lekin, Zaroon, mai bas keh rahi hoon. Iske liye tumhe mentally prepared hona hoga. Zindagi mai kuch bhi ho sakta." I said.
(But, Zaroon, I'm just saying. You have to be mentally prepared for this. Anything can happen in life.)

"Allah na kare keh aesi koi cheez ho." He said, harshly.
(God forbid that something like this happens.)

And I started tearing up. Tears were running down my face as I looked at him and unconsciously imagined myself in childbirth when I take my last breaths.

He grabbed my face, gently, and leaned in kissing me. He kissed me gently and passionately, giving me time to savor the kiss.

He pulls away after a while and I rested my head on his shoulder, hugging his arm still crying.

"Yeh kyun ro rahi hai?" Tayi ammi asked after a long while of us sitting in silence when they came home.
(Why is she crying?)

Zaroon only sighed, "childbirth."

Ammi stepped closer, resting a hand on my head. "Darna nahi hai, beta, sab theek hoga InshaAllah."