The secrets of Erosiana

Chapter 2: Slaribitha!

Here I was, looking out over the horizon, since Mykelle had left the Planet, Michael and I haven't conversed much, he makes me feel uneasy, a feeling I had thought was long gone, emotions and memories I had thought to be locked away forever, when I looked to Michael as he watches over me I recall with the greatest sadness in my heart, the days of my duty, I was the one who was supposed to watch over my family, the way he watches me, I failed them.

Michael's been trying to father me however that time has long come and gone, despite his best efforts my life course has taken me down a dark path, a path no fatherly figure could ever hope to wake me from, I was a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, a child, that was before the flames of death took over my village, I became the symbol of hope, I took their place in an instant, I was now the mother, the Aunty, the leader, I had to be ready. Now I live, as they lie in the grave, I failed yet I am rewarded, this is a heartache Michael would never understand, the pain of despair is my prison and I alone am chained to the cell.

I looked around my surroundings, Slaribitha is the opposite to Dathaba nothing was dying; everything was very much alive, with clean fresh air. This was the life I wished all my villagers could have seen, this was the place I wished my rebellion could have fought to go. If it weren't for the constant clashes Michael and I experienced I would have believed I was in a dream, a dream that I hoped would never end. Sometimes though, I wonder if I'm still clinging to life in the forest hallucinating and soon I'll wake up, disappointed. Or perhaps this is the after life, I had heard stories but I always believed it to be a fantasy of those who feared death, but then again no one I love is here, which defeats the purpose to an after life. As I closed my eyes, my memory flashed back to the stories that were recorded by the elders of the elders in my tribe who had been firm believers in a life of dreams, a life of many wonders and adventures. To see what they spoke about was truly amazing, although they were long gone, their wisdom and stories had been past down to the elders in my tribe. We also had their drawings of what they had witnessed and experienced during their lifetime; oh, Ma, how I wish you were here with me. My body grew cold as I wept for them, I sat upon the grass pulling my diary from my robes. "I will never forget you." I said weeping onto the diaries cover. As I wept, I opened the pages of the diary, it was time to write some more, perhaps I could find comfort in the writing, for as I wrote it felt as though I was telling my loved ones everything that had happened, I could feel a calmness in the air. I could see where I was being irrational. When I looked back, I knew I was in the wrong. As I sat upon the soft grass, I could feel my anger growing toward Michael and Mykelle. For no apparent reason, in my heart I felt as though they were the ones to blame. I was so very disappointed with the life I had lived on Dathaba and the lives that had been lost due to greed, for all my years that I had spent on that planet, there was nothing but death and more death. Every good work I thought I had committed had left me downgraded and useless; every helpful work I thought I had accomplished had led to failure and death. I am now here living whilst everyone I cared about was in the grave. That made me feel guilty and angry. As I remained sitting in my solitude contemplating, I could see so many colors, even ones that I didn't know existed. There was so much more happiness here, I knew deep down no one was truly to blame, in the end we were all victims of the greed from the past, those that remained were victims too, master and slave alike, trapped in the same way, no, the blame goes back much further than that, I know that but my emotions need someone physical to blame, to cope.

As I sobbed into the diary, I felt a hand touch my shoulder, I jumped in fright and my instincts kicked in, I threw the diary underneath me, covering it with my robes and as I wiped away my tears, I realised I must have looked terrible;
"Mykelle will be back soon." Michael said softly, he shyly bought his body to my level, as if he was afraid of his presence being unwelcome, still he was determined to break the ice between us.
"I don't really care about where Mykelle has gone nor do I really care about what she's doing. I admit I like her better than you, but still I don't know how, to, oh never mind.  Just please, leave me alone. There's no point in us trying to get to know each other in any way, it hasn't worked so far, it's just best if we stopped trying. Saves the heartache later." Michael looked at me sympathetically, so he changed tactic, after all I was still crying like an endless tap, but his efforts continued to leave me more agitated inside.
"Nicole, you've made your tribe leaders very proud. Now it's time for you to start your own life; this is the chance to begin a new beginning!" Michael beamed with delight and empathy, trying to raise my spirits. I felt though Michael didn't understand me and the pain I suffered everyday, I just didn't know how to cope, I believed showing it in anyway was a form of weakness, I still had the mentality that I had to be strong, and I still had to fight, for that's what I've had to do my entire life, now I was fighting Michael on everything.  Mykelle seemed to understand and spoke to me in the way I needed her to, she used me in ways that made me feel useful, but Michael, he treated me like someone who had lost everything, he was sympathetic and filled with empathy toward me, this kind of expression of love was a foreign concept to me, not even my own fiancé had shown such love toward me, he relied on me for everything, he was afraid, we all were, but I could channel that fear and turned into a fight, everyone else relied on my hope and fought beside me, they were only loyal for their safety not to me, not to the cause, they had lost their hope, the soul which made them who they were.  But Mykelle and Michael, they're both trying so hard to make me feel special, sadly, I'm too broken. Yet here he is, kneeling in front of, with those sad eyes, his face reflects how I feel, crushed in spirit, lost in the past, I have nothing ahead of me. There is no fight here, there is no home, no family. I am alone, although free, I am disturbed by the peace. I only have one purpose to my life now, I must protect it, this is the only fight I have left!
"Michael, this is honor. As the only survivor of my tribe, it's my responsibility to carry on their memory. Please, don't ever ask me to leave them behind. I must keep my honor to my tribe. I will never let myself forget. I'm sorry you don't understand!"      
"Nicole, you might be surprised to know, I do understand, more than you know. But first, what jewel do you hide?" Holding my breath, I decide to bring out the diary, as I drag it from beneath me, my heart is divided, it was to remain a secret, hidden from the outside world, but the other voice in my brain reasoned that Michael had already seen it, and I'm not exactly hiding it well, I hold the diary firmly in my grasp saying,
"I'm the first tribe member who's been given this heavy responsibility. And the only one left to carry it on. The elders of my tribe foresaw this calamity; normally villagers were selected to become artists of the tribe and drew all the memories, but this had to be secret, later all the work that the artists did was burned, including the work that was done millenniums ago. Just before that calamity took place, I was able to document it all, in here. It was my duty to protect our history, and to keep the memories of our lives, I have everything about us in here. Michael, I don't care if you don't understand I was the chosen one to keep the tribe alive! I was chosen, not you, so it doesn't matter." I hold the diary close to my heart, I want to argue my point, I have this fire brewing for a fight, but I also have a heavy heart that needs to cry, I know the fight for my survival is over, but that fact just isn't setting in, I just can't believe it, it's too good to be true. The more Michael tries to be peaceable the more agitated I become.
"Nicole, I promise you, with full confidence that we will not stop you from protecting your tribe's memories but just remember you have the new beginning. Promise me that you'll never dwell on the past, for this diary may prove useful to us in the future," Michael pleaded, I sigh and nodded.
"Okay, I still don't get you Michael, and I don't believe that you understand what I've been through, but I get the sentiment though. Thanks for trying, I guess. But it still doesn't change the fact that I know you refused to help him, and because of his anger towards you, my planet, my home is dying; my home is lost and my family lie in the grave!"
"I'm sorry, I wish..." I interupted him,
"Sorry, just forget I said anything, it's probably not worth thinking about." I sulk into my body holding close the diary to my bosom.
"What he seeks is not what you think it is. I do not believe that he is capable of caring for anyone. Mykelle and I are not strong. The suffering of your planet and death weakened us, we draw our power from love and goodness not from evil and despair. If the suffering of your people was enough to make our powers drain, how much more quickly could he destroy us? With us dead, hope goes along with it." I looked at Michael; he too was in pain. Michael carried a memory to hard to bear, so much so, he couldn't even mention his name, and I never dared to say it. I rested my hand upon him saying,
"Maybe you have bought hope to me. I no longer look for death believing it will bring happiness. I don't mean to take my anger out on you; for many decades I haven't been able to let out any of my feelings. They've been locked up in a chest, forgotten and hidden from everyone for I have had to be strong my entire life. I was the one in charge of my villagers' safety and I failed, everyone is dead because of my stupidity. I thought I could change the world and my efforts backfired, I lost them all twice over. I thought then, perhaps I would start a rebellion with those that remained of my village and those downtrodden around me, but I was betrayed, and everything was lost again, life, love, and our hope was taken away, that is when I realized my mistake. You cannot change the violent ways of violent people, I wish I had stopped before the raiders had a chance to find our village, when we had taken up our hiding place, but even then I'm not convinced we would have remained hidden, even if I had remained silent." Michael held my hand to comfort me
"Nicole, I know exactly how you feel, it's not often you hear those words and they actually mean something, but as you already know our planet fell into the cruelty of suffering. And my family and others forgot who they were. They used to be known as the wise ones but they became foolish ones lacking any sense of good judgment. In one night the planet was gone and there was nothing Mykelle or I could do. We fled to your planet hoping to find any survivors but by the time we got to your planet, it was already in despair. We were reliving the past. I wish we had arrived sooner so we could have saved more people. It was you, Nicole, who kept Mykelle and I going, your determination and spirit. We could feel you, even though we didn't know who or where you were. The closer you got to us, the stronger we became. You have a spirit that Mykelle and I had forgotten, a way of living. You never totally believed that death was your fate, your determination for survival kept you burning bright and it lead you to us in the end, for some reason you were able to find us, we never had to go looking for you. And hope, is something within you that continues to burn bright, you can see the good in a terrible situation, but even you need a moment to let out your feelings, you can't always be strong for everyone else" Michael said smiling to me, as he placed his other hand on my shoulder to comfort me, I leaned into him and for the first time, I cried, I just cried.
"O, Michael, what am I going to do? Are we all that is left on this Planet?"
"We've found four others from Dabatha, so you will have company. Mykelle contacted me earlier, she should be on her way back soon, I'm not entirely sure when she will be back, she couldn't linger in conversation with me. I do hope she will be home very soon, but I won't be surprised if she takes a few hours, it's a long flight back, and from what I could see she was far from leaving." I pulled away from Michael's grasp as he looked to the sky, hoping she would return to his arms, and soon, he was a soft bloke with a big heart, just like Mykelle.
"I'm so sorry, Michael, for we're all the same; the same spirit, the same pain. I guess it will take a lot of time to heal" Michael looked to me with pity, as a father would to his wounded child. As Michael went to embrace me again, Mykelle came rushing in, pulling Michael away in great haste, Michael and I were stunned and confused to see her, she seemed different and out of sorts, I had never seen her so flabbergasted and abrupt before, however her manner seemed familiar to me which got the fine hairs at the back of my neck to stand up, it was strange for her to act like this, the longer I sat watching them, the more my body tensed, I was preparing myself for a fight, these were signs that we were no longer safe indeed we were in danger. Perhaps I was hallucinating after all, misinterpreting everything Michael had told me, or perhaps I envisioned talking to him, as if my inner self was telling me that I need to have a heart to heart with someone. I dare say we never left the forest; the soldiers were hot on our heel, this has been a most wonderful dream, but like all good things they must eventually come to an end. As I went to stand to ready myself for battle, my body froze, I was not emotionally ready for this, my legs fell beneath me, I clung onto my diary even tighter. In disbelief and shock I remained stunned upon the ground, what could I do now? I am a leader, with no followers; a fighter with no spirit. My eyes were fixed upon Michael whose countenance had fallen by the distressing words his wife spoke. It is true, we are no longer safe upon the forest floor. Michael stormed away to what appeared to be the edge of the cliffside where he stood in front of an oversized seat made of rock, out of my view. But perhaps he had stormed to the edge of the forest, and what I was seeing was not a rock but fallen debris, our the last bit of cover was slowly disappearing. My mind was lost between a dream and a nightmare. I was out of touch with reality, confused between two worlds.