MISSING YOU - Byler

02- Friends

"Very well! Now that you all who desire to be school president have submitted your applications, we'll proceed with the election process. Good luck to all applicants!"

Lucas munches down his sandwich, dropping some mustard unintentionally on the cafeteria floor and on himself.

"Shit" he quickly takes a napkin and cleans it off his hand. Dustin on the other hand just laughs at him.

"Dude, you're totally just thinking about that girl Max on a suit, probably winning the elections or something" Dustin says as he admires Lucas's clumsyness. He has been totally crushing on that girl for the entire school year. She's kinda new to the town, but I know that she has already a couple of friends and boys who like her. What's not to like about Max? She's pretty awesome from what I've heard.

Jane is one of her best friends. Just last week she brought Max with her to dinner. It's kind of surprising how Jane makes friends with such ease after so many tough situations. I initially didn't expect for her to be so comfortable with our way of living, which I consider pretty ordinary and sometimes even overprotective, but I guess she's a natural charm. Even my best friends like her so much they decided to include her in our party. Of course I'm happy she's in the group of it means to know that she's okay and happy, but sometimes I miss what it was before.

Does that make me selfish?

"Will? you alright there? you look like you pissed yourself." Dustin laughs loudly, attracting some stares from around the cafeteria. Most of the students are finished eating.

"Yeah sorry, I dozed off" I look down at my own lunch.

...
Once again, I'm called by the school counselor to talk. Missing Mr Charles class has its perks of course. As I get closer to miss Lawson's office, I realize I don't even know what else to talk about. Everything seems to stay the same every week since mom left.

Miss Lawson asks me the same question I've been hearing since a month ago.

"How are you feeling, Will?" She speaks.
Her bright green suit distracts me so much that I consider the possibility of it hurting my eyes.

"I'm doing fine" I shrug. She knows everything about my life at the moment. She knows about mom's disappearance, how Jonathan and Jane are handling it and how I feel.

"I wanted to talk about something different today, Will" she says grabbing a pen and opening her notebook. I think my entire life is on those papers.

"How are you doing with your friend Mike?"

That takes me by surprise. She usually doesn't ask anything about it. If we talk about that I'm the one who brings it up.

Since I don't answer, miss Lawson continues her questions.

"I mean, with Jane getting closer to your friend group, feeling a little bit jealous would be expected, don't you think?"

"No, none of that" I quickly say. "Jane is awesome and she gets along with everyone in the party" I sigh "It's just, Mike has been getting closer to her this couple of last weeks. I just don't know- I feel.. weird"

"Weird in what way?" She starts scribbling in her notebook. Her eyes still staring at mine.

"I don't feel jealous. I just sometimes feel left out"

"And that's expected, Will" Miss Lawson nods.

"When you like someone in school, it's normal to sometimes feel jealous- or insecure- when anyone becomes close to them"
I start feeling uneasy with the truthfulness of this session.

"You like Mike. Expectedly, Jane becoming closer to him makes you feel like you're getting left out"

I look down embarrassed. This is only like the third time the topic of Mike has been brought on our sessions, and I still think it's too stupid to worry about this when my mom is still missing.

"Mike is there for me" I clarify to her. "He still hangs out with me and everything, but I think he's noticing me more awkward this last couple of weeks. I'm guessing he thinks it's because of mom." I scratch the back of my neck in embarrassment. A gesture I've gotten used to lately.

"You're a teenager Will, Mike obviously still doesn't-"

I cut her off mid sentence.

"Sorry miss Lawson, I just don't think I'm ready to talk so openly about this topic" I close my eyes shut down and blush tremendously without realizing it.

"I'm sorry" I apologize again. I hate interrupting but I'm genuinely considering fleeing from the session at any moment if she continues talking about my crush.

Fuck.

Crush.

Mom said it was okay to like boys. I remember our conversation whenever I feel like this crush is dumb or stupid or-

"I think I like someone, mom" I speak shyly before she leaves the room.

"Oh, that's okay honey" mom sits at the edge of my bed, her hands together.

My head hurts from all of the crying. My arms go around her without notice and suddenly I feel relieved when her answer to my confession-

"I like Mike"

Is nothing else than a tighter hug.

"I know"

I open my eyes and quietly leave miss Lawson's office still looking down. I walk and keep walking through the school hallways. I realize that I now have time to spare.

I'm headed towards the school bathroom to wash my face, but since I don't want anyone to see me like this, I go to the second floor. The party used to go there whenever we wanted to talk about important stuff before we got into the AV club.

I walk in and look around in case anyone else is in here, and I look myself in the mirror. I look at my puffy eyes and swollen cheeks, and sigh in disappointment. I wash my face and try to take a couple of more breaths to fully calm myself down.

Ugh. Emotions. Sometimes I would rather never feel anything than suffer when things get tough, or I would even prefer to escape it all as a whole. The worst part of all of this is the fact that I know that it's stupid. I worry too much about a guy who doesn't care for me as much as I do for him, when I could be using all those tears on mom.

She would know what to do in this situation. She would say that everything was going to be okay.