Warning: Viewers discretion is advised. The following content includes, alcohol and drug use, foul language, suicidal references and blood. So, if your triggered or offended easily then go find something else to read.
Autophobia-Monophobia⬗ The fear...
I realized the mistake I made instantly, thanking God I was higher than a mothafucka when I visited the store. I snuck out after waking up, getting an opening for the back door when Fez called Ash out front.. I haven't been back since.
So, to deal with the guilt of that.. I just.. I did more drugs.
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My mind foggy and swaying to the beat, as I let myself dance wildly with the other two. My whole-body swaying side to side, my movements feeling euphoric and soothing.. Comforting and overall, just fucking felt amazing. Though I'm sure I looked like a seizuring cat or something, but at that moment it didn't matter what I looked like, only how I felt. And I felt so wonderfully numb.
I've still been crashing at Elliot's. Him and I being the ones to usually talk or be up mindlessly doing nothing. Him being a fucking insomniac or just hates to sleep I guess and me.. Only being able to sleep when I got completely shit faced, and even then, I still had a hard time sleeping. That's usually when the two of us would just stare up at the ceiling, Rue passed out, and we'd just.. be. We'd sit in the silence, sometimes talking about the mysteries of the universe and all its contents.
Not gonna lie, I kinda liked him. Not like.. anywhere close to what I felt with Ash and maybe I'm only saying it because I wasn't with Ash but.. I mean he brought me some comfort... Well, did..
"Hey, uh.. Marina there's something I really gotta tell ya." I hummed exhaustedly, blinking unevenly up at the ceiling. The drugs slowly eating away at my brain, consuming my thoughts and feelings. It was silent for a minute, letting my eyes fall to the side, looking at him lazily as he seemed to be conflicted rather or not to continue with whatever it was, he wanted to talk about. Normally I'd be on edge, paranoid about what it was, him looking like it was too difficult to say, made me think it was something bad.
But that's the thing about drugs.. Nothing else matters but that feeling, not even my usual paranoid and taunting thoughts. Worried about the next bad thing that's to come.
