Is Living Alone A Must?

As a 21 year old, that doesn't know what the hell Im doing. I cant help but wonder, " Am I suppose to be struggling alone". I know that sounds a bit selfish, but low-key. What is the point of living alone?

When I moved out, I thought that it was going to be fun. Girls night out. Mingling amongst other people in their 20's secretly struggling with the same issues. But I didn't realize, I barley have a social life. Except for live clubs on instagram and tik-tok playing jams from the 80's, chatting with others online party in there fuzzy socks in their pjs...Damn....that sounds sad lol. 

Anyway, I come home to a quiet house and a beauty floor to ceiling city view. Buttttt, thats it. There is no lively hood in my house yet, which is normal. Not a lot of people talk about when they first move in. But the real question is...how do you make it home? How do you make yourself want to come back home when you're out.

I think this goes a little deeper for me though. I seem to be detached from my new home because of fear of it being taken away. I know, I know. You're probably like, " Well Zoie, how can you be afraid of something you pay for and its legally yours?"...I think it stems from childhood trauma.

Hold on to your Fashion Nova jeans gwarls....its bouta get dark lol.

As a kid in an abusive household. I was always told I was going to be kicked out, live on the street. I grew this deep fear places by my unfortunate father. I often had to live with friends for a few weeks at a time and couch surf to get by during high school....but ya girl still graduated number #9 in her class muahhhh🤪. But back to the trauma. I was always on flight mode because I had to live in flight mode at a young age. 

I moved into my own place to learn how to turn that off. But it's a matter of, how? I guess you can say, every person has traumas and issues they need to work out on there on time and alone (ofc with professional help and loving friends). And I know it wouldn't be far to share that with someone else. So scratch what I said earlier about "StRuGgLinG AloNe". Maybe thats exactly what I need to do.