Ever since I can remember, I have long been questioning the existence of humans and what comes after it. Ceasing. Everything that's about disappearing from the face of the Earth and everything comes with it is a blur to me yet the fun part is it feels as if I have known the feeling despite the fact that no one dear to me has yet deceased. Everyday, I wake up with a heavy chest. Yearning, waiting, longing... mourning for an peculiar unknown loss. It doesn't feel like a maternal longing from my past life, it wasn't because of the break-up that I am currently going through, but maybe because they all see through me. Not in a sense that they would know why I was frowning the whole time just because I was hungry, nor they would get a hunch whenever I feel like seeking warmth in a distraughtly situation. But in a sense like their eyes passes through me as if I was like a smoke that oneself senses but would not mind at all. The presence can be felt but still ignored because of its invisibility. I grieve being unknown. "Was it really that hard to get into my deepest core?" Puzzled. I have always felt like a phenomena everyone refuses to delve into.
"What could have been wrong? Was It because of me? Did I frustrate them too much that they would just leave easily when I tell them to? Was I unwilling to be okay?"
