Odd Antics Of Mike Wheeler

Chapter 1

It's a day like any other to Mike and El, hanging out in her room reading and casually chatting before Mike randomly asks Eleven, "hey el, do you know what gay means?" He asks hesitantly; after a second of thinking, El responds, "Gay? What is... gay?" Mike answers her question "well, you see Will over there," Mike says, pointing to the picture of Will that Eleven has by her bed along with Hopper, Joyce, and Jonathan. El looks confused, staring at the picture on her bedside table "yes. why?" She asks Mike confused; Mike responds, giving El an answer, "well, that's the definition of 'gay'" Eleven automatically understood what he means and says, "ohhh; I'm gay" Mike nods, "yeah; yeah, me too no yeah me too but I have to act like I'm homophobic to Will, so he doesn't know I have a burning, passionate love for him. Oh, and then also, can we date each other to cover up our secret" Eleven gives one affirming nod, looking into Mike's eyes "yes. I agree. I feel that Max would no longer be my friend if she knew I was gay. For her. I like Max." Eleven speaks in a monotone voice and then stares Mike dead in the eyes "oh, but if you break up with me, I will fucking kill you and tell everyone you ever knew that you were secretly in love with my brother this entire time." Mike nods clearly stressed and concerned "yeah yes I-I won't, even after death if anyone found out id be the talk of the town. But also, if you told everyone that, they would also know that you were dating me to hide the fact that you secretly like Max. And also, I cant have Will knowing I like him because my job is to project my internalized homophobia onto him without him knowing I'm gay" Eleven leans back again the wall going back to reading the comic in hand "that's craz-" Eleven gets interrupted by Hopper bursting in through the door yelling at the two sitting on the bed "THREEE INCHESSSSSS" Hopper screams nearly an impression of a muppet the way Tammy Tompson sings, yelling at Mike and El as they slowly turn to face him looking him up and down for a second thinking to themselves for a second simultaneously 'Woah that was insane.' then El says to hopper "why would you burst into my room like that." Mike follows up after her, "yeah, dude, what's your problem?" Hopper grabs mikes arm, and drags him out to the kitchen, and whispers to him sternly, "I know you're gay for my son Will so you better not FUCK with El," Hopper speaks, fuming as his voice octaves up, sounding like he was impersonating Mickey Mouse. Mike then opens the fridge and grabs a Snapple, splashing it in Hopper's face. "I'm not fucking with el. I'm just having a good ol' convo with my friend about Will and Max" Hopper looks Mike dead in the eyes staring intensely, "cause you're a homosexual" Mike then says, "yeah, I am. God, I'm so out of it right now that Snapple had something in it," Hopper asks Mike, confused "why are you out of it? are you taking-" Hopper gasps and whispers to Mike, now speaking in Spanish, "Los Drogas??" After a moment of silence, Mike makes an unspeakable noise indescribable by human Literature. Mike then proceeds to unhinge his jaw and start making cat chewing noises. Soon after spooking Hopper into leaving him alone, he heads back into Eleven's room and asks her, "yo what up shawty; you wanna come to my crib? Your dad is acting goofy as fuck" Eleven complies, "yeah 😛" and then they walk out of the house together, starting to sing the Miraculous Lady Bug theme song. Somehow they get teleported to Paris, France. their outfits magically change and become ladybug and cat noir. They wander around Paris in their new outfits and get into a major conflict with the villain of this cinematic universe, Hawk Moth defeating him in a mere fifteen minutes with their impeccable mad skills. Mike speaks, "what the fuck?! this is outrageous; we aren't even in the correct cinematic universe" Mike in an outrage with the current events, somehow teleporting the two into the upside down; still in their super suits cause they're 'live laugh loving, they're radical they're giving' Eleven and Mike wander around taking in the scenery before being met by Mr. Beast, The Tarrasque of this unknown realm. But don't be fooled; this is no ordinary combat battle. This is the battle of the gamer pros having to 1v1 him in Fortnite, choosing Eleven as their final gamer. They win the final battle Eleven becoming the ultimate Gamer Pro. After winning, they finally return to their correct cinematic universe, thinking they're safe. They start walking back to Mike's house, talking along the way about Max and Will, then they come across a giant spicy pickle. They exchange glances, and Eleven speaks and says, "Woah. what is this doing here?" the pickle slowly turns around to reveal his true identity as Pickle Rick, deciding to pull out his greatest weapon, his IPod 1, and Rick rolls El and Mike draining their impeccable amazing powers. Will steps out into the Mighty fight in his wizard outfit from season three. He challenges Pickle Rick to a match of Uno to decide the true hero of Hawkins, protecting Mike and Eleven by blocking them with his cape. Pickle Rick agrees to the match cocky, thinking that this mere child couldn't defeat him with a card game. Little did he know Will had practiced Uno for years with his brother Jonathan soon becoming the ultimate Uno player. After a long exhausting game, Will the Wise wins the final fight using the reverse card, draining Pickle Rick of his Power, gaining it for himself, killing him as he evaporates into the sky. Will walks over to El and Mike, looking down at the two concerned. "oh my FUCK Will you're so hooo- horrible. Horrible yes. Um, thanks for saving us, I guess" Mike tries to play it off, acting like he wasn't confessing to Will, going back to being horrible to him. Eleven stands up facing Mike and starts yelling at him, "you lie. YOU LIE. YOU ARE LIKE PAPA" Will stands there confused 🧍still wearing his amazing, incredibly hot, and attractive Will the wise outfit looking flawless as always. Max appears on the now empty battlefield, slowly walking over to eleven, standing in front of her face to face. She looks Eleven up and down judgementally and tells her, "you lie" eleven stops shouting and starts having a crisis, not knowing right from wrong after Max tells her she's deceitful; running around in circles screaming you lie, blowing everything up. Max inhales a delicious, delightful, delectable concha watching Eleven as her downfall starts to unfold, sitting down with Vecna gossiping about defenestrating the gays. Mike sighs, rolling his eyes, and walks over to Will, inching closer and closer to him. The suspense is killing the readers and Will as they wait for Mike's next move as he steps closer to Will; Mike looks down, facing Will in his Cat Noir super suit. Mike stares into Will's mesmerizing orbs, allured by the bright glossy green and hazel colours in his eyes. Will stares back at Mike, pink sliding across his cheeks. the two are mere inches away from each other's faces, lips nearly together, then Mike speaks, "will..." he opens his mouth as if to say something meaningful, but then bails and unhinges his jaw like Kirby and makes his chihuahua noises, ripping of Wills bowl cut. Will begins to cry as it's revealed he had been wearing a wig the entire time, and he didn't actually have bad hair; it was a lifestyle. Will continues crying and then calls for El speaking in a hurt outrage, "EL" he starts off the sentence "Mike lies" Eleven slowly turns to face the now beautifully haired Will and Mike and starts darting at them, trying to explode Mikes head off his body gruesomely. Will goes over to sit with Max and Vecna, shit-talking Mike and El as they try killing each other in the background. Max and Will both say simultaneously to Vecna, "you should possess them and kill everyone in Hawkins," deciding that it would be best to start their villain arcs together with the help of Vecna. "Yaur Yaur absolutely gimme second girlies" vecna possesses Eleven using her to kill Mike. Forcing him to do the Chrissy crumble, his spirit floating up into the cloud like a Looney Toons cartoon character. Vecna summons Demigorgons dressed as the sailor moon characters and start gruesomely eating everyone in Hawkins as Will the Wise, Max the Zoomer, and Vecna the Material gowrl drink tea and watch the downfall of a small town as the My Little Pony theme song plays in the background. the town goes up in flames, ending in gruesome unsatisfying deaths. Still, their plan had been ruined as the Sailor Moon Demigorgons lost control and started to devour Will, Max, and Vecna along with everyone else, their bones being ripped apart, skin peeling away from the organs inside of them, screaming out one last time before the once peaceful town of Hawkins, is overtook by unrealistic anime dungeons and dragons creatures.