philophobia - a fear of love - can negatively affect a person and their ability to have meaningful relationships
people who have phobias develop extreme fears of things that won't typically harm them.
philophobia is a specific phobia disorder.
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Finnick grew the reflex of a sick taste entering his mouth when he heard the way people talked about Harley. He knew that the boy was a pawn in Snow's game the same way he was but, even so, Snow made it obvious he had a soft spot for him.
He was constantly being whisked away to presidential lunches, and parties, and was even left to a daunting hour with Snow's granddaughter, who stomped her feet and batted her eyelashes until she got to meet the man who reminded her of a prince.
She was innocent in all of this, being only eleven years of age, but Finnick was still bothered by his treatment.
Harley had been mentoring for three years now and everyone could see the strain it put on him. This was his fourth year as the male mentor for District Ten.
He was devastated when his tributes died but, he held it in. Harley bottled up all of his emotions whenever he was present in the Capitol.
He looked like a robot.
Finnick could see the hurt deep in his eyes where most people couldn't because of their bond. Harley learned to take care of himself again and valued Finnick's friendship, but, had an odd way of showing it.
Even with all the mentors around, he was loyal to his group; Emmett, Aspen, Mags, Finnick, Haymitch, and Johanna.
It wasn't easy getting into his circle.
The 71st annual games had just begun. All the mentors were gathered in a room, sitting around a black circular table as they watched their tributes on their District's monitor. Finnick disliked that he wasn't at Harley's side, but, the monitors went in numerical order.
One by one, mentors left the room to get some sleep and collect themselves for the next day, preparing to go out into the Capitol and collect sponsors for their remaining tributes.
Except for Harley.
He stayed still, against Aspen's wishes and pleas, to watch his tributes. The female tribute this year, Delancey, gave him a small shred of hope.
He worked tirelessly to prepare her for the bloodbath and anyone who was paying attention could see why.
She resembled Daisy a great deal.
But, Delancey wasn't as kindhearted as Daisy was. She was stubborn and downright rude, manipulating Harley to fall deeper and deeper into her web of lies.
Finnick hated seeing them together.
Pushing his own desires aside, he knew what Delancey was doing. He could see the way Harley looked at her while she cast her wicked spells on him and it made the District Four boy extremely jealous; livid, even.
Now that they were alone, this was his chance.
"You're staring, Odair" Harley commented.
"It's just Finnick" the older boy stated, crossing his arms against his chest.
"Why are you hovering?" he asked abruptly, peeling his eyes away from the screen to turn and stare at Finnick. Harley would be lying to himself if he said he didn't think the Odair boy was handsome, hell, there were even times he felt attracted to the older male.
But when he felt that bubble in his stomach, that unearthly howling in his heart to be close to him, he tried to distance himself.
Harley didn't want to see Finnick die.
He'd never forgive himself.
Even if their friendship faltered and the peacock grew to despise him, Harley would forever remain loyal to him. He would forever protect and care for the boy who saved his life in more ways than one.
But, nobody needed to know that.
"I just don't understand you" Finnick sighed. Harley didn't respond, his eyes scanned over him briefly before he made a soft humming noise and turned to watch the screen again. Finnick felt he was getting nowhere with him and instead, decided it was best to leave.
"Where are you going?" Harley questioned.
"I have an appointment" Finnick lied through his teeth.
"That's the first time you've ever lied to me" Harley scoffed, casting a harsh glare his way. He was a sensitive boy and being lied to didn't sit well with him, especially, being lied to by Finnick.
"Mal, I-" Finnick started but the younger boy cut him off. Over time, he started calling him that nickname in resemblance to his middle name Malus.
"Don't call me that" he hissed, jumping up onto his feet as if he were ready for action. "I'll see you tomorrow, Finnick. Have fun at your appointment."
At this, Harley stormed out of the room and headed to the elevator.
It would be assumed that he was heading to the District Ten apartment to get some sleep for the next day when in fact, he was headed for the roof. Harley sat on the floor, ignoring the feeling of the gravel filling that prodded at his legs. He pulled a cigarette, a lower dosage of nicotine in it thanks to Beetee's massive brain and ability to take pity on the broken soul who begged him for something to take the edge off.
The sound of footsteps sent shivers down his spine, but, he still didn't budge.
"Can I sit?" the familiar voice of Finnick Odair cut through the silence.
"I don't own the roof" Harley stated, not taking his eyes off of the stars as he exhaled smoke. When Finnick sat beside him, a light material was cast over his body, causing him to look down out of pure curiosity. "The last thing you need is a cold" Finnick stated, inching closer to Harley in an attempt to share the blanket he had brought with him.
Harley's heart fluttered at the gesture.
"I'm sorry I lied to you" Finnick spoke up again.
"I forgive you" Harley nodded, glancing over at him before turning to the side to blow out another puff of smoke. "I didn't want you to leave."
"Why not?" the blonde asked curiously.
"I enjoy your presence" Harley shrugged.
"Why don't you act like it?"
"I'm afraid of losing you" the younger boy admitted, inhaling another large dosage of smoke. Harley said what was on his mind and never lied, it was one of his only redeeming qualities. There was no reason for him to lie to anyone.
So he didn't.
"I'm not going anywhere, Harley" Finnick said softly, lowering his hand to rest on top of his arm. "I wish-" his next sentence was cut off by Harley's quick wit.
"What do you want, Odair?" he asked softly, putting out this cigarette before tossing it on the ground.
To feel the heat of your body against his.
To feel your soft lips trailing up and down his smooth skin.
To hear his name leaving your mouth.
To be able to hold your hand in public and not feel ashamed or worried about losing each other at the hands of Snow.
These were all things that circulated in Finnick's brain when Harley asked him the question.
"Can I hold your hand?" his voice cracked as he asked the question, raw with emotion.
Harley didn't say anything, but instead, laced their fingers and slowly leaned his head against Finnick's broad shoulder, finally finding the comfort he had been searching for all along.
