nobody knows where i am

Chapter 1

It was sort of funny, really, how she'd always been invisible. An only child, straight-A student, cheer captain—and yet, a tertiary character in everyone's lives, somehow even her own. Except instead of making swift appearances and disappearances, brief entrances and exits, she was always there. Constantly, in the background of her mother's and father's storylines, of Jason's, of her friends'. She was just there to fulfill her role whenever called upon, and of course, always expected to follow the script and read her lines—perfectly.

Sure, all eyes were on her when she was at the front and center of the Hawkins High Cheer Squad, adorning the top of the pyramid with her performative smile, metallic pom poms, and colorful frills. And when Jason made theatrical gestures like blowing kisses mid-game or dropping by her classes to "check in" on his beloved girlfriend, people looked at her. The way one looks at a prop in a movie—but not the kind that the camera lingers on to foreshadow something meaningful. More like any old, trivial prop the main character was just holding for a second, but you'd never notice was missing in the next scene.

When her knees were scraping against the grimy bathroom tile as she was doubled over a disgusting porcelain toilet, no one was looking then. It was just her and the same thought swimming in her head, even through the horrifying hallucinations, which were new additions to the blinding, periodical headaches.

Nobody knows where I am.

She didn't know if the whole thing was ironic or poetic—the way she so desperately wished to be seen, all while purging herself because she wasn't invisible enough, apparently.

Her throat felt like it had been ripped open with a serrated knife, her eyes burned in their sockets like they'd been forced to stare at raw onions for hours, and her heart was pounding in her chest so hard that she could feel the blood pulsating violently in her neck and wrists.

Sitting on the cold ground hugging her knees, tears streaming down her face and falling on her pristine cheer uniform, Chrissy was unsure of what was reality and what was fiction. It seemed like her mind was constantly dreaming up new ways of tormenting her, and the monsters it created to carry out the grisly deed didn't care that it was the middle of a school day. They didn't wait for it to be witching hour to come out and play.

It was painful to look up, but she did, fixing her eyes on the brick wall behind the toilet. There, right at the center with the fluorescent lights of the bathroom shining on the big, black, bold letters like a spotlight:

I HATE CHRISSY CUNNINGHAM

A brutal reminder. Not that she'd ever forget.

.:.

"Chrissy! Over here, I saved you a seat!" Sammy waved her down eagerly from across the bustling cafeteria.

Chrissy put on the best grin she could muster and made her way to the cheer squad table, where they all greeted her with cheery smiles—some genuine, some not—and some riddled with desperation for approval or acknowledgement from their captain. Sammy had everyone on her row scooch over to make room for Chrissy.

"Sit, sit!" She urged as she took Chrissy's pink backpack and carefully placed it on the floor. Sammy was a junior who was after the head cheerleader position for the following year, hence why she was oh so hospitable with the person who would ultimately make that decision.

Shrugging off her cheer sweater, Chrissy glanced over at the table across from them to find Jason and the basketball players deep in conversation about whatever jocks like to discuss. Of course Jason didn't even notice Chrissy was actually in the cafeteria for the first time in weeks, but she didn't take this to heart. In fact, she tried to care, but found herself completely numb to his inattentiveness.

"God, Chrissy, you look awful," Kate pointed out as she twirled a strand of her bleach blonde hair, having instantly noticed the slight pink tint and glassiness in Chrissy's eyes and the blotchiness of her skin (just tell-tale evidences that someone had been crying not too long ago.)

Nothing gets by you, does it, Kate.

"God, Kate," Sammy cut in with her same tone, "do you ever think about keeping your awful thoughts inside your awful head?"

It'd almost be sweet of her if Chrissy thought Sammy actually cared about her and not just the prospect of being head cheerleader next year.

"I'm just saying. Isn't it in the Hawkins High Cheerleader Honor Code to look our cheery best at all times? The honor code is set forth to help us maintain the highest standards of character and to remind us that it is an honor and a privilege to be an HHS Cheerleader," Kate opened up her sweater to display the green HHS letters arranged diagonally over a golden megaphone on her uniform. "And we have a great responsibility to uphold it, Sam. How can we convince our athletes and our student body to have school pride when we don't even take pride in our own appearance?" She finished her speech with a judgmental glare directed at Chrissy, who was scrupulously expected to lead by example at all times.

"Yes, Kate," Sammy hissed, "but the honor code also clearly states that —"

Sammy's voice must've trailed off because Chrissy didn't hear the rest of her rebuttal. It was either that or Chrissy's brain had finally decided to do her a favor and block out the unnecessary noise to give her a moment's peace.

Besides, there was something far more interesting taking place somewhere else in the lunchroom. Chrissy's blue eyes lit up as they followed a wild-haired, wild-eyed boy wearing a denim vest over a leather jacket, all bedecked with pins and patches. He was mid-speech and strutting atop a table surrounded by a bunch of guys that seemed to hang on his every word, almost worshiping him. Chrissy had missed the beginning of his passionate discourse, but his raspy voice got louder towards the end and reverberated across the cafeteria.

"— GAME WHERE YOU TOSS BALLS INTO LAUNDRY BASKETS!"

Obviously, Chrissy's laundry-basket-ball-tossing boyfriend took offense and quickly shouted some thing or another that sounded like one of Jason's five automated responses, except with the insult of "freak" attached at the end. The wild-haired boy's only reaction was to draw his two heavily-ringed index fingers up to his head to crown himself with devil's horns and to stick his tongue out at Jason through a fiendish smile.

He then faced the scandalized cheerleaders at Chrissy's table and seemed to revel in their disapproving looks, as if their antipathy was his very lifeblood. Chrissy... kind of loved that. Secretly wished she possessed even the tiniest bit of his bravado; then maybe she'd finally shut down Kate's passive aggressive remarks, call out Sammy's self-serving flattery, and maybe even tell Jason that she needed more than what he was giving.

She felt a smirk pulling at the corner of her lips and promptly bit the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from giggling at the dissident she was supposed to be appalled by. But she couldn't help but feel glad that she'd decided to come to the cafeteria today, otherwise she would've missed Eddie Munson's amusing antics.