Over it!
A deepening despair
Not sure how to turn it around.
I hate this feeling. I choose happiness every day. But this despair stabs me in the back.
I notice everything.. over think every word.
I can't unsee your lies. I can't even hear your truth. Your darkness is protecting my heart. I see it. All of it. All of the real you.
My mind is screaming at me.. so dumb! I always knew.. I should have prepared. I should have trusted my gut. So fucking dumb. Maybe I wanted the pain. Maybe I just wanted to feel something. What would make me matter to myself? Belief in my goodness? Belief in my magic? Belief in my love? Belief in anything about myself? I thought I had that covered! I can't run up hills anymore. The exhaustion from the despair is keeping me stuck. I will defeat and get above this. My will won't give up. Always holding on tight to the sword. Using it to dig my way out. Using my shield as steps to my destiny. Watch my fight to rise..I will win.
