"Well. Who's the feminine one in the relationship?"
I ignored Nolina, chugging my chocolate milk and taking my gum off the side of it and popping it back into my mouth. "You doing good, Gi," Tara told me from across the table, holding my hand as I ate. Caren glowered at Lina from her seat as Nolina stood behind me with half the friends that dropped Tara when the two of them broke things off.
"How do y'all fuck? How can you find somebody who looks like you attractive? That must mean you like boys, right? Y'all both look like lil boys."
"You realize you doing the same shit straight people do to the lesbian community to us right now?" I turned around slowly, looking up at her. "You really setting the community back with ya words, man."
"You want that cheater, you can have her."
I gestured to us eating at the table, a peaceful activity until her ass came over here. "So are you gonna let me enjoy my time with the cheater, or you gonna keep talking?"
"I hate you," she grabbed a fistful of my hair, and I twisted around to punch her in the stomach, shoving her backwards and getting up from the table. Tara quickly grabbed me and brought me around to her side. Caren fluffed out my hair and shit, fussing over me as she mumbled some funny shit about Nolina on the side of the table her and Tara were on.
"Bitch," Nolina sneered, her friends holding her back for nothing. I might be newly retired from fighting, but I still had it in me after a few weeks and I could tell when a bitch was trying to put on a show.
"You not finna get me suspended, Nolina," I shook my head, picking up one of Caren's French fries and eating it. "So you might as well take ya ass right outta this school and go invest in a boxing class...a self defense one too, maybe," I chuckled to myself. "Don't forget how I dropped you at the park that day."
"You think you bad or something, now?"
"I already knew," I gave her a pout. "It's sad that you're just now finding out, hon."
"Don't entertain her, Gialla. C'mon," Tara pulled at me, trying to lead me out of the cafeteria.
"One push and I pushed yo ass down like Humpty Dumpty at that park, don't play, Nolina," I shouted, letting Caren and Tara lead me through the doors.
"Breathe," Caren repeated slowly, her voice soothing to me in the moment. "Breathe. Breathe."
"Okay," I sucked in a deep breath, closing my eyes.
"You handled this in a better way, Gialla. I'm proud of you, okay?" Tara rubbed my shoulder slowly, pulling me into her.
"I wanna go to the counselor," I told them, my eyes still closed. "I'm really stressed right now and I- I can't deal with shit."
"That can be understood. We'll take you," Caren assured me.
"Y'all real, for real," I told them, walking to the counselor's area with my best friend and my girl friend by my side.
"How's everything been with your dad?" Caren asked to fill in the time.
"Things been a little weird admittedly," I shrugged.
"You miss ya mom?" Tara asked, glancing at me.
"Yeah. But...my heart's kind of toughened out now. I don't even think about her anymore. It's like she replaced him when I was younger and he was gone and now he's replacing her when I'm older now...and she's MIA," I shrugged.
"That has to be hard," Caren commented.
"No idea, man," I laughed bitterly.
"You want us to wait for you?" Tara asked, standing in the doorway of the counselor area besides Caren.
"Nahh. I might be a moment. Prolly an hour, all the shit I need to dump out on her," I said honestly. "You two go ahead. I know y'all like to skip in the bathroom over there anyways."
Tara and Caren glanced at each other. "Nahh. We not skipping in there today. You don't even gotta check for us there when you come out. We'll prolly be chilling where we supposed to be." Tara gave me a fist bump, "Tryna be a better influence on you now."
"Ight," I hugged both of them before going inside.
After waiting about ten minutes in the counselor's lobby, feeling like I was at a doctor's office, I went to the back to talk to her."
"Long time, no see, Gialla."
I chuckled. I still hadn't forgot about her snitching to my mom about me not wanting to move to higher level classes, but whatever. They ain't supposed to do shit like that. "This girl that don't like me approached me today at lunch. You probably know I came back to school after being arrested. Me and my mom got into it," I informed her. She did that annoying thing all adults do when someone younger than them tells them something and they want to make the other person believe they really care.
"Oh nooo. I'm so sorry that happened," she said, forcing a frown, it seemed.
I haaate when people do that.
"Yeah. I'm living with my dad now. Until graduation. Probably until I turn 18 though, if he can have things his way. And that sucks because my birthday's on April 18th," I scoffed. Okay, stop complaining Gi, and talk about why you're really here.
"This must be hard on you, right now."
She gave me the responses of a suicide text line.
Like, that's dead ass what she sounded like every time she talks. "I wanna know how to deal with my anger better. I don't start my mandatory counseling until some Friday, and I have to deal with the girl and another jealous one all this week."
"Who are the people bothering you?"
I shook my head, waving off her question. "I'm not snitching on nobody. I can handle things. I just wanna know how I can act better. She laid hands on me in that cafeteria, so of course I got her off of me, but I don't wanna be in any altercations, period. But I really love this school, in the same breath. I wanna stay. And I wanna stay outta jail."
"Have you tried any breathing exercises?"
"Yeah," I stood up. "I'm done. All the usual, relax and chill and all that BS don't work for me." I tucked my softly cushioned chair back underneath her desk. "If that's all the sort of advice you have to offer, no wonder so many teenagers die every year because of mental health, ma'am. I'm straight."
Damn breathing. The fuck that gonna do? I breathe all day long and it ain't helped a bitch not once.
I left the office, feeling my bladder tugging on me a little bit from that chocolate milk. I left the counselor's area and went to the restroom near the lunch room.
I stepped through the doorway and everything in me drained as I saw Tara pressing Caren against the six foot mirror on the wall, her hands cupping her ass as Caren leg wrapped around Tara's waist as they made out.
"My fault," I said calmly, feeling numb inside, "I didn't realize y'all was busy."
What happened to them going back to class?
Is this what they did when they skipped in the bathrooms?
Tara and Caren pulled apart, surprise registering on both of their faces.
I guess this is what they were doing together. School must've really been hell for a person who almost hated Tara as much as I did to turn around and make out with her while I was gone.
I left the bathroom, leaving out just as the bell rung, signaling the end of lunch. Hey, Nolina told me I could have my cheater. I just didn't want to believe that Nolina's words could be true.
But what more could I have expected?
Tara was my enemy after all.
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