Did you know that if you google 'turds', picture of real shits will pop up? Shits taken by real people. After a few minutes of staring at the brown matter, my observant, perfectly upturned button nose starts to inhale whiffs of feces. Is this a hallucination? Is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon real? Who knows? I look down and you come to a horrible, smelly conclusion, I am not hallucinating the stink. I have shit yourself. How could this have happened?
Surprise number one! I have fecal freeflowitis!
My whole child and adult life I have been relentlessly made fun of because I constantly shit in public spaces. It's not my fault, really. Ive tried every solution I can think of from deodorants, to body sprays but nothing seems to soak up the stink. I of course wear diapers daily and diligently clean up after myself. Not anymore tho. Ever since the body positivity movement rocked the internet, I decided its time I hold myself accountable. I decided I would live my life to the fullest and stop caring what other people thought of me. For that reason I quit the diaper wearing and the deodorant spraying, after all we should all be comfortable in our own bodies!
My own mother, Wanda stopped speaking to me after she had heard of my decision. I hate her with my whole entire heart and I hope one day she shits herself in a burning building. Maybe then she will know what it feels like. My mother was always very odd and would find pleasure in killing little baby animals. One time she killed bunny and then ate it.
