Home Is Through You

2: On my way to believing

TW for a scene of verbal transphobia, death, and body horror in the later chapter.

After the events of our last hang out (which wasn't as awkward as I thought it'd be) we decided to see each other almost all the time. Oscar was glad I was finally leaving the house and I felt like I had something to look forward to. I guess all my cries were being heard by the universe as she decided to gift me more than I'd asked for, a person who makes my life less monotonous and bleak. It's almost like this friendship gave me hope, that perhaps they were the answer I was looking for. The last key to open up the door of possibilities locked behind my own hesitance. As per routine I tried my hardest to not get too attached, which was impossible since the more I got to know them, the more I wanted to exist in their world. Either way, I know that this small piece of reality is more than enough for me.

A few months later I found myself face to face with them. This time we decided to stop by some pizza place neither of us had ever tried, get coffee (preferably iced for me,) smoke a few cigarettes, and now here we were sitting on the hood of his car just talking about life. I learned a bit more about them, like how he has a fixation on comic books, his favorite color is blue, has a beautiful voice, and a younger brother named Mikey. He told me about his life in Jersey and about his plans to start a band with his best friends (which I also got to learn all about.) I'd say he's definitely one of those people you meet that change your life forever. Something in me just wants to know more about him, explore the very depths of what makes Gerard Way himself. In a way I wished I could spend a day in his shoes, see life through his gorgeous eyes that now stare into mine warmly.

I swished around my to-go cup of Iced Coffee, the sun painting the sky a pink-orange sunset. "So now that you've been here a while, what do you think about the town?" I asked, they ran a hand through his hair loosely, sighing. "It's the same boring town I remember." We laughed, his eyes wandered around to me, "Well that's a small town for you, usually full of assholes and no new things." He raised a cigar up to his lips, lighting the small stick.

"I just wish there was something different, It's so.." He trailed off, "Confined. I mean, I've been living here by myself for a while now and while I'm happy to be back it all feels so.."
"Mundane." I took a puff of mine, coughing for a second before watching the smoke dissipate in the warm air.
"Right." He nodded slightly, his hazel eyes bearing the slightest disappointment.
"Well, there could be."
"What?"
"Something different."

I've had this idea stored in the back of my brain for a while, I wholeheartedly agree with Gerard and at this point I figured college wasn't exactly doing it for me. My idea was to drop out and with the amount of money I'd saved up from my campus job run and see the U.S, maybe the world. Small town life isn't for me, and I did feel bad leaving Oscar behind but he's destined for the stars and I refuse to rid him of his dream. The last piece I needed was a partner in crime, someone who's just as crazy and tired of this dreary life as I was. I barely know Gerard but I figured it's now or never, I refuse to go alone and he seems perfect.

"What are you proposing then?" His eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion.
"That we run away."

He was silent for a second, which felt so dragged on. "It's a stupid idea, I know." The sudden realization that maybe this wasn't good now hit me, I mean there's no way that two broke college students could even own an apartment let alone travel the world. He sipped his coffee, "No, it's not a stupid idea." Another puff, "A little unrealistic, but not stupid." He lightly chuckled, making me feel just a little better. I got off the car, taking a sip of my iced-coffee. "I know, I guess I'm just desperate to leave this shithole."

Maybe I was in over my head, but this plan made sense to me. What's the best way to spice up your small town life? Leave. I knew deep down that never in a million years would Gerard Way agree to ditch town with me, but I guess I had some hope. "I just don't think it's a good idea, we barely have any money and I still have things I want to do, Ray." His expression was sympathetic but also wary, something about what he said struck a question in me, "Wait, what do you mean we?"