Pandora's Box

Chapter 4: Envy

Love and War – Fleurie

Zelda had enough.

She stood with crossed arms amidst the arranged candles on the floor and set them alight with a single blink. They acted as the only source of light when she switched off the headlights. The intense smell of valerian root, rosemary, and thyme made her feel a little lightheaded, causing her to wonder if she'd used too much this time. Since this wasn't like anything she'd done before, she figured it would require more of, well, everything.

Deciding she needed another cigarette, Zelda dropped onto the end of her bed and produced an ashtray as she pulled on her cigarette. The smoke filled up her lungs, and the nicotine soothed her nerves almost instantly. She hadn't heard from Lilith since their last encounter a week ago. And frankly, Zelda had hit a wall there. She'd done her part, and there wasn't more she could offer Lilith as a sacrifice other than her pride. Either she'd come around, or this would be the end of whatever kind of tryst this had been.

Crossing her legs, Zelda looked outside the window to see the moon and perhaps a sign of solidarity from her goddess. It felt so empty without Vinnie T. here, but she'd had to banish him for now as he'd never let her go through with it. Without her faithful companion, Zelda became all too aware of the fact that she had no one left.

Sure, Hilda and Dr Cee had moved into the mortuary again. Technically, Ambrose still lived here as well, but he was concerned with Prudence most of the time. They all had each other. After Sabrina's death and Marie's departure, she was the only one with no real connection or sense of belonging. When Sabrina had still been around, she'd had a mission, and her niece had also been the glue that kept this family together. Most of all, she'd been the one to make Zelda feel included since, truth be told, she wasn't exactly a likeable person.

With Lilith, she'd felt wanted again for the first time since Marie—and everybody knew how that had turned out and how she'd been played yet again. She'd thought herself so clever for marrying Faustus to assume power, and similarly, she'd put her trust in Marie. In the end, they'd given her nothing but grief and humiliation, whether it had been intentional or not.

The candles threatened to burn down, so Zelda hurried with her cigarette and overdid it a little, coughing on the last drags. Clearing her throat, she tapped the last bit of ash into the tray and stubbed the cigarette out. Now there was only the tumbler of whisky resting on the vanity left to empty. Standing up and smoothing down her skirt, Zelda headed over and drank until her throat was positively on fire.

In the end, everyone had their happy endings except for her. She'd been left with nothing but the agony of having to watch the people around her find comfort in their significant other's arms while she'd been utterly betrayed and her life's purpose had been taken away from her.

She envied silly little Hilda's simple life filled with love and pastry. She envied Ambrose for his life full of possibilities, aspirations, and love. She envied Theo, Robin, Roz, and Harvey. She even envied Sabrina.

Zelda had enough.

Putting the tumbler down with a thud, she grabbed the needle, tube, and bucket and stepped into the centre of the circle of candles. Kneeling, she connected the needle to the tube and drew her gaze over the room again, swallowing thickly. It wasn't like there was anything here for her, she reminded herself, and she started palpating for a vein in her arm bend. Reaching for the disinfecting spray, she applied it to her arm and wiped it away. Then she sprayed again and let it air-dry this time while putting the open end of the tube into the bucket.

Here goes nothing, Zelda thought as she took the needle, angled it, and inserted it into her vein. A hiss escaped her when it pierced the skin, and after having to poke around a little, the blood started flowing through the tube into the bucket. To keep the needle in place, Zelda taped a plaster over it and reclined on her back. Closing her eyes, she focused on her breathing, feeling the blood drain from her body. Quickly, she entered a meditative state, both by will and induced by the bloodletting, and set about to astral project.