Bright lights are annoying.
Your astigmatism had always caused late night vexation, but if you had known it'd taunt your very last moments with a usually aggravating fluoresce of the hospital light above you, you'd had viewed it less as a nuisance and more as something that had just... Been there. A part of you.
A cold, frigid hand gripped yours in a neverending oath, and you would've trusted it with your being had you been in your own bed.
But hospital beds are not the place to make promises.
The slight stabbing feeling in the crease of your elbow as you fidgeted could never in a lifetime compare to the way Camilo's expression had poised nothing you weren't well acquainted with; woe, pure woe, the wounding reality of the situation that had cursed you. A miserable, melancholy heart was all you saw when you looked at him. He, whose face once held infatuated delight and passion, would never again see the daylight gold of your smile, your favorite dress, or the way your hair shone in the sun.
The boy had a chair pulled up beside your bed and was as close to you as the world would allow him. He had no reason to be so compliant anymore. Everything he had done was for you. If violating a few hospital regulations was the way he had to let you go, he'll fight on that hill a million times over.
The last few weeks had been spent with rose-scented reminiscing, but he could've talked to you, about you and him, for so long, hours and hours on end, that he did just that. But he had run himself out of topics. He felt content simply being there with you, your souls intertwined, whispering little nothings into each other's hearts. And with your bittersweet ending, that truly was all you needed to feel okay. Your love whispered beside you a song he always sang to Antonio before he'd go off to sleep.
Ha.
Despite being croaky, agonized and just fully numb, his voice was forever your sweet lullaby.
"Hay que crecer aparte y volver
hacia adelante seguirás..."
As his honeyed voice soothed your stiff, tired body, the peaceful feel of the white all around you, the quiet, undisturbed tranquility of your surrounding combined with the way his thumb gently caressed your hand sent you into a euphoric bliss and your eyes slowly began to flutter shut.
"No, no, no, no, mi amor, don't leave me, you can't leave me now."
Your eyelids grew dreadfully heavier and heavier, and you had forgotten the hand that was tangled in yours until its sudden squeezing pressure jolted you back.
"Cami... Camilo..." You could barely force out his name, the word you could once speak a thousand times in a single sentence now could barely make its way from your white, lifeless lips.
"Mi amor, I'm here, I'm here for you. Keep holding on, okay?"
His desperate pleads shattered your heart. He reached a hand up to stroke your hair in a manner he never had before. While he once handled your locks with passion and adoration, it now felt desperate and defeated by your fate, as if begging for you to stay.
Connecting your eyes with his made your desire to stay with him burn and spark, but you both knew too well what the universe had promised you.
As if it had read your minds, so closely entwined, your eyes threatened to shut again, this time unstoppable. You knew it was your time to go, and you simply accepted that you would never have a true answer to anything.
A true answer to your questions. A true answer to life and to love. A true answer from Camilo. You wanted to know why.
Why he was here with you right now, dedicating this portion of his life to you, why he had spent his whole life waiting for you, trying to put his emotions into words. You gazed up at his pain-stricken face, as if pleading for a resolution. And in that moment, in that slow, intimate moment, like a single raindrop in a summer drought, you understood all of it.
You understood how he failed to recognize who he was.
You understood why he couldn't explain what he was feeling.
You understood why he smirked after telling each joke.
It wasn't merely a smug act;
it was him trying to accept himself.
And as you took one final look into his glassy eyes, tears threatening to spill like wine, you understood all of him, and only him.
The last thing you felt before you slipped away was a soft pair of lips gracing your forehead.
And then everything faded to black.
