There was no need to say that I've spent most of my day sitting on the couch with Gen sharing a bottle of red wine that to be honest was having kind of an effect on me.
We watched the sunset on the porch, covered in snow, and I couldn't be more happy for having brought such a cozy blanket to have around my shoulder as I appreciated the breathtaking view in front of us.
We've ordered some take-out after receiving a quick text from the boys in the WhatsApp group we have for the four of us. Basically, saying that Misha is practically pointing a fake gun in their faces to just grab some dinner in a fancy restaurant in town.
After that, we decided to watch a couple of episodes of some random show that was playing on the TV as we waited for everyone to be back in the cabin.
"So... Ruth knows too, what are you going to do about it?" — Gen was never good at trying to make small talk before going to the main point. She just went straight to it, which always spared me a lot of time in this kind of hard conversations.
"I... Well, I have no fucking clue." — I grabbed my now almost empty glass of wine, bringing it to my lips because suddenly I felt my mouth really dry. — "I have to tell Jensen obviously but, the fact that she knows, it doesn't scare me, you know?" — I took a small sip of the reddish liquid that burned my throat slightly on its way down.
"You shouldn't be scared at all... Neither of these people would say a single thing about you and Jay." — She has paused the episode by now and her body was turned in my direction, and that's when I realized that this is actually going to be a deep talk and not just another simple conversation with my best friend.
"I know that, but... I also know that what I'm doing is so messed up in so many ways, and Jensen knows it too. Ruth said something today that really made me think about this in a whole new way." — I took the blanket away from my legs, the room was starting to warm up due to the fireplace that Gen and I took too long to light up earlier. — "She said that... I deserved it, this happiness..." — I looked out of the window in hope to finally see the two cars parking in the small space in front of the house that wasn't covered in snow, but my eyes cough nothing but darkness.
"Wait... you thought that you didn't deserve to be happy?" — I can't quite figure out if she was shocked because I really felt that way or because I finally said it out loud, but I had to smile at her reaction.
"I didn't, no. C'mon, Gen, you know my whole story. At what point was I ever truly and fully happy?" — I waited a couple of seconds for an answer, but as I suspected, nothing came out of her mouth. — "Exactly, I was never, so I always thought that maybe I just didn't deserve to be completely happy at all. My mother died giving birth to me and I know that it wasn't my fault, but it all started there... My father started to drink because of that, and we all know how he ended up. You were probably the person that saved me from being miserable all my life, you saved me from having the same destiny that my father had, and I couldn't be more thankful for that."
Her eyes left my face like she was running from a burning fire. I know since a long time ago that Gen doesn't like to talk about this. Probably because she knows that it's true. She knows deep down that if she hasn't showed up in my life at such a premature age, I would probably end up being found dead in an ally either drank myself to death or overdosed or maybe both.
"You kept me in good shape, you took care of me, you gave me the love I never would have known if it wasn't for you and your mother. If I'm this happy today, I have to thank you for that too." — I let my now empty glass rest on the wooden coffee table in front of us before crawling closer to Gen's body, pulling her body towards mine. — "Let me tell you about my crazy and irresponsible best friend that in the middle of semester decided to run away from her house, so she could take a plane to Vancouver for an audition. Obviously, I stayed back, lying to her parents about where she was really. I was so mad for having to lie for her, but I was afraid too. Afraid that she might leave me for good because she was too tired of my pain in the ass of a person, because she might have been tired of taking care of me like she was my own mother. The crazy part was that she actually got the role of her life in a show that wasn't really known by then, but suddenly it exploded... She found the love of her life because of that show, and she never abandoned me. She actually made me find a whole new family because of that show and the love of my life in it too... I'm proud of her, she is strong, independent, and so humble. I wish someday I might be just like her."
Gen was practically sobbing in my embrace, I never saw Gen crying so hard like this before. I know that it isn't sad tears she is letting out, and that gives my heart just the comfort that it needed, because I finally let it all out for the first time. Speaking the whole truth for the first time.
I ended up having to put her to bed because she was either too drunk or just tired from all the tears that we've shed today.
It was almost 1 a.m when I heard the door that was in my room being opened, the door that was locked, the one that I still don't know what was inside. I couldn't stop the chill that run down my spine because of that.
The room was completely dark, not even the light of the moon outside was helping. That made it impossible to really visualize what was happening, the only glance I had was the silhouette of a tall man entering inside the room from that mystery door.
"Sweetheart?" — I don't know if I should hit him with the wooden clock that was on the bedside table right in the face. Or if I should hug him for not being just some mountain man that was hidden behind that door for a long time. I decided for the latest, letting my full body pull him into the mattress where I was laying. — "Rough day?" — I could feel that he wasn't really wearing a shirt because of the heat that was radiating from him torso, a warmness starting to cover my own chest.
"Ruth knows..." — I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth because my chest was getting too tight from holding in this secret since the morning. I was expecting him to just get up and turn on the lights, so we could have a proper conversation about this, instead I just felt his fingers brushing my cheek gently.
"I know... she talked to me during the day." — His lips gave a quick peck on mine and brushed their way to my forehead. — "She threatened me that if I broke your heart, she would take my dick off." — I couldn't contain the chuckle that came out of my lips as a reaction to his words.
"Ruth doesn't talk like that..." — I let my fingers brush his small blondish hair just to feel him lean into my touch, his lips on my forehead, made me feel the smile on his face starting to show itself.
"Trust me... when it comes to you, Ruth becomes a very protective person, she literally said she would rip my dick off my body if I ever hurt you. But that's okay, you know why?" — He got out from the top of my body, the small light that was coming from the window was letting me only see his silhouette and the cute, little smile that was starting to appear on his face. — "Because I don't ever intend to hurt you, not on purpose at least. You're the best thing that ever happened in my life, and I don't intend to let you go willingly. You're it for me, Claire... since the moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew that you were the one."
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Close to not enough - Jensen Ackles Fanfic
Fanfiction"Pain is the price of love We agree to pay it whenever we open our hearts. Every hello comes with the knowledge that one day it will be a goodbye Every first kiss comes with the certainty That there will one day be a last. And yet, even thought we k...
