𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐒 𝐅𝐋𝐘

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧

The idea of death was always on Michelle's mind. It started after her mother died, she wondered when she would be next. A depressing thought, but it was more comforting in a way for her. She wanted to be with her mother as soon as possible,

But she wasn't expecting it so soon.

Michelle layed on the bed in the dark hospital room, replaying the moment in her head when the doctors and Nurse Kate came in and told her the news.

The doctor held up Michelle's brain scans into the light.

"What's that big dark spot?" She asked, squinting her eyes to see the picture better.

"That's a - That is a mass on the left side of your brain."

"What does that mean?" Michelle asked confused,

The doctor sighed, "It the sign of something growing in your brain — it's a tumor, and it might be cancerous—"

"Cancer?! Am I gonna die?" She said exasperated, with wide eyes.

"We aren't sure if it is cancerous. We will have to perform multiple surgeries to determine what the mass is."

"Brain surgery? But can't you die from it?"

"Well — any surgery can be fatal, but we will do anything we can to make sure you are okay."

"Well that's refreshing." Michelle muttered sarcastically.

"Here, we have consent papers for you to sign. We will come back in a little while to collect them." The doctor said, walking out of the room.

It's been 3 hours since the doctors left, and not a paper has been signed. Michelle thought that once she finally signed those papers — the end began. She knew the results wouldn't be good, she'd had that feeling since they got to the hospital.

The thought of having to tell them — having to tell her family — having to tell Johnny made her heart ache in a way it never has before.

Michelle spent what felt like the entire night thinking about each different scenario that could come out of this.

She hadn't remembered falling asleep, but when she woke up, Johnny was sitting in his wheelchair — reading the paperwork.

"Johnny—" Michelle's lip quivered.

"When — when did you find out?" He looked up at Michelle with his huge brown eyes, filling with tears.

"Yesterday — I haven't signed them yet—"

"Michelle—"

"And I'm not going to. I'm gonna leave. We can leave — leave the state, the country — the continent. We can go anywhere. I don't want treatment." Michelle said fast, breathing heavily.

"No— Michelle. Your talking nonsense right now — you obviously haven't had time to think—"

"Yes I have! I've been thinking all damn night — I can't get it out of my head. Everything is just — I don't know but it's all gonna change, and I can't — I just can't anymore." She whispered the last part, with her head buried in her hands.

"It's okay — we don't have to talk about this." Johnny placed the papers on the closest countertop.

"I just- They want to get my dad involved. Need him to sign the papers."

"What about Darry? Can't he sign them?"

"They have to be my actual guardian." Michelle sighed.

"What if he was though?"

"What-"

"What if he was able to become your legal guardian? So he could sign them."

"They would still need my dads signature."

"Right. Scratch that. You could forge the signature?"

"Pretty sure that's illegal, and we are probably already being searched for anyway so—"

"Okay. Never mind then. Honestly I don't know. What if they can't find him?" Johnny ruffled his hair.

"I guess next of kin. But I don't even know if I have living grandparents."

"They're just gonna have to figure something out."

They were both silent for a moment, u sure what to say. There as a strange tension in the room that hasn't ever happened between Michelle and Johnny. Something was off between them, and neither could tell what is was.

"Hey, I think everyone's gonna come see you today. I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be a surprise, but—"

"Should I tell them?" Michelle said quietly but with wide eyes, looking at Johnny.

"Do what you're comfortable with. I promise nobody will force you to do anything."

"Who knows anymore—"

"Michelle, I swear on gods green earth I won't let anyone do anything to make you uncomfortable. I love you, you know that right?"

"Yes I know. I love you too."

The gang had shortly come by later, and Michelle had been trying to work up the courage to tell everyone, and Johnny could tell it was all she was thinking about, she was quiet most of the night.

Ponyboy was the last to leave, he had told Darry he would walk home.

"Shelly, what's going on? You've barely said a word all night."

"It's nothing."

"I can't say I believe you."

"It's hard to explain—"

"I'll figure it out— I don't mean to pry but—"

"No— I need to tell someone anyway. So today—" And as Michelle began to explain her situation, Ponyboy listened with open ears and wide eyes.

"Please— Don't tell anyone yet."

"I promise, I won't."

"I haven't told Johnny yet, but i don't think i want surgery." Michelle's lip quivered and her eyes watered as she looked at Ponyboy.

He didn't say anything for a second,"And I know it's selfish of me but—" She cried, but then Ponyboy pulled her into a hug and she sobbed into his shoulder.

"You do not have to make decisions based on anybody but yourself. You don't have to make decisions for yourself depending on anybody but yourself."

Michelle continued to cry into his shoulder, repeating thank you's and Ponyboy continued to tell her it was alright, and soon, she would get better.

Over the next week, Michelle put a lot of thought into how she would tell everyone. She'd start with Johnny, because she knew it would be the hardest. She'd then tell Sodapop and Steve, they were like the brothers she never had and the ides of seeing the either of them upset would crush her.

Telling Two-bit and Dallas wouldn't have been much easier, they weren't as close with her as the others, but even the thought of Two-bit or Dallas not having a smile on their faces made her feel like shit.

And Darry— who made her feel like she had someone to look up too. Everyday she was thankful for Darry, for not judging her when they found her passed out in a field, and being the role model she didn't have.

Michelle knew what the outcome of not getting treatment would be. But she decided that mind over matter, she would rather spend the time happy, surrounded by the people she loved.