important

Thoughts

My thoughts are complex I think about life and how it is filled with sadness, guns and bullet that I end up forgetting what life is supposed to be about to only then come to the conclusion that life has always been that way. People choose to ignore all the violence in our world and choose to make up a world of what they think life is and ignore what actually happens in the real world I don't like those people. I look at life for what it is and it is depressing the world is filled with violence that I sometimes think that god has abandoned us or that he is playing twisted joke on us.

To that I say "our world is so ugly that even it's creator has abandoned it" I said all of that with a smile on my face as if I was glad I was not chained to anyone's rule. I also want to make something very clear I do not nor have I ever believed in god. I am someone who likes doing business but the business I do is dirty and it is one that allows someone to see the ugliness and emptiness in our world.

The job that I do can range from selling weapons, killing, that is what I do from those I have the experience and have learned more about the world and how it works through traveling all over the world I have seen war, chaos I even witnessed the death of one my closest friends that I had met when I had first joined the business of selling weapons with a lady who is now my boss he was a nice and very kind person he was the opposite of me he had always told me that I should smile and my reply to him would always be " why should I? The world is so depressing and empty to be in" and after I would say that he would say " the world is empty and ugly but you know something Rick smiling and showing kindness isn't so bad, I know your someone who isn't able to show kindness or even smile because of what you had to do to survive as a child and because how the world treated you when you were young but you know the world also has a tiny bit of hope attached to it" while he would tell me all that I would look at him with a depressed/serious look on my face.

Even after his death I still have that look but my view on life still hasn't changed and has only grown more depressing but every now and then I can see him standing at a place that would remind me of him I can even remember the words he would often say to me and every time I would hear his words it would make me think that maybe there is hope still in this world we live in.