When You Knew Me

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After the kettle is done my mom hands me a mug of my favoruite tea. She can sense I'm not ready to discuss the reasons for my anxiety attack, so she just calmly sits beside me. She's sitting cross legged with a pillow in between her legs and arms, so she can rest her tea on the pillow instead of burning her legs.

Whenever I have a panic attack the same thing happens over and over again. I freak out, she tries to figure out why, she tries to get me to go to therapy again, I say no, she gets upset because I won't try to get better, we fight and both go to bed crying. Same exhausting thing every time, and I'm quite sick of it so instead of wasting my time on this, I say "I'm not ready to talk about it, can I have some time to process what I'm feeling right now." She's skeptical but agrees reluctantly.

This should get her off of me for awhile and hopefully she forgets it even happened. Now all I can do is process what's happened and think about how I'm going to deal with this. He's only in one of my classes so I only have to deal with him for 75 minutes everyday for half the year, which seems difficult but achievable. The fact that's still bubbling in my brain is that he didn't seem to recognize me? I look a bit older, and more mature but the difference isn't all that drastic.

He will recognize me eventually so I try to think about how I'll handle that. I get to thinking and start to think why I'm so worried, I mean sure I deleted all of his socials and basically ignored his existence after grad but we were barely even friends so he must have not noticed. I'm still quite confused but maybe he did notice. Maybe he's trying to pretend that he didn't for the sake of both of us. It's better that way anyways.

"Are you still going to your game tonight?"

"Yes, I need to blow off some steam." The truth is whenever I play I get enraged more so instead of blowing off steam I make more but my mom says I need to be more positive so I don't say that. I soon excuse myself to work on "homework" despite it only being the first day but she knows that.

For the remainder of the time I have left before my game I just scroll through my phone watching my comfort videos and insta reels. Before I know it were on the way to Caledon for one of my first exhibition games. I haul my bag, stick and water bottle out of the back of the car and make my way to the entrance. On the way there I see some of my teammates and wait for them so we can go in together. (We look more scary when there's more of us.) As we track through the familiar arena we head to our dressing room and throw our stuff in. Eventually the rest of our team slowly piles in usually arriving in clumps of people. When the trainer gets there we all warm up with a run, and a bunch of other quick effective exercises. We all put on our gear and the change room is very loud. There's a ton of screaming, yelling, and really bad singing, but I wouldn't have it any other way, the team is my family and you gotta except them for who they are. And maybe join in every once in awhile.

We end up losing so everyone is kinda in a sour mood, so I dash out the door ready to go home to shower and sleep. By the time wet get home its about 10:30ish. So I'm quite exhausted. I just quickly shower and dive into bed.

The next morning when I wake up, I'm exhausted but of course I have school once again. I get ready to go and race downstairs praying I won't be late on the second day. I check the time and its 7:45, I have 15 minutes before I have to leave to catch the bus. I inhale a banana and a protein bar, and make a dash for the bus. Just making it I go to the back of the crowded bus and guess who I see. I have a feeling that this is karma for trying to just forget and put everything behind me.

"Hey" He says. "Hi."

"So, how have you been Lyla?"

"Your not mad at me?"

"Mad at you for what?"

"Deceiving you?"

"How did you deceive me?"

"I pretended we didn't know each other yesterday, and I basically acted like we were all good and I was excited to start high school with all you guys at grad."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"I get the first part, I wasn't hurt though, I did the same thing so that I could spare us some dignity. For the second I guess I'm more surprised. It was kinda weird though. We kinda thought you disappeared for some reason. But I think I kinda knew all along that you weren't going to the same high school as us."

"Really? How?"

"It's the little things, you talked to the teacher a lot about school, and this art program. You didn't go to the high school tour with us, and on the course selection the name of your school was much shorter then ours."

"It kinda sounds like you were stalking me."

"I wasn't."

"Sure."

Our conversation was quite quick but it felt like an awkward eternity. I ended up having to sit next to him because the bus was full, so it was really uncomfortable. "Are you still friends with the girls?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I didn't like who I was when I was with them."

"Who were you and who are you now?"

"I am finally myself."

*Mason's POV*

Something is off about her, she seems so uncomfortable but I have to take into consideration that the feeling is mutual. I wasn't hurt when she stopped contact completely but the fact that she seems so careless about it is shocking. She doesn't seem to realize that she actually hurt some people. "Your very different, it's very new." I say. "Yea, high school really helped get me out of my school shell, branch out and meet new people. You know?"

"Are you happier?"

"Yes, what about you?"

Yes is what I want to answer but I know that would be a lie. High school has changed me, I've gotten even more open and social, but there was always something missing. "I know this is kinda weird to say considering our non-existent relationship, but I kinda missed you."

"Really?"

"Yea, everyone was kinda fake but you were real, you had feelings, opinions, and you weren't always trying to please everyone and always be nice. You were a jerk but you were real. I've missed that."

"I missed your humbleness."

"I knew you were going to say that. Am I still the most humble person you've met?"

"No, Cam is."

Now this is a surprise, Lyla used to always tell me I was the most humble guy she knew. She really despised a lot of the guys at school but she always respected me. Being humble was a characteristic she always was fond of. But I've ever heard of Cam before, not gonna lie I'm kinda jealous now.

"Who's Cam?"

"My friend."

"Just your friend?"

"No he's my boyfriend."

*Authors Note*

Hey everyone! Wow were at 68 reads! I was not expecting that! I know my updating is really random but I've found that for me to stay motivated its easier to write ahead so I can figure out where the chapters are going, so I promise there will be more coming soon! I hope your having a good day/afternoon/night wherever you are! How do you guys like where the story is going so far? I for one am excited for whats next! Love you guys!

-R