messed up

fucked up

I cant say how this started my fucked up life. yeah its pretty shitty I guess I never really wanna leave the house anymore only problem is school. I fucking hate school all the people staring the loud noises and always teachers checking on me from my last attempt I did at school to try kill myself. whatever though. I really wished that my parents didn't divorce that made life so much worse. anyways hi i'm ash. i'm 15 and this is the diary of my fucked up life hope u have fun or whatever.

hey just had to do gym today fucking hated it I know my dad wants the best for me but I wish he could lay back for a while i'm just a teen I need to have fun. after my gym I went to school I fucking hate that shit hole so much school its just a prison istg. when I got there I saw all the familiar faces that I hate the loud noises and the eyes staring I just walk past everyone to get to pastoral. yea I got to go there every morning and I mean every one. just bc of 15 June 2022 they have had an eye on me if you want to know it aint that special just my mental health going down fucking hill again shit aint it I just wished that time it worked though. anyways I always see mrs greyfield at the front desk she asks me question like any self harm recently ik she would tell my dad or mam so I always so no to every stupid questions she asks it usally takes 15 mins so tutors over so I head to my first class ugh.. I have art great just my pissing look. you must be wondering why I hate art well. a bitch called caren the fucking one of the biggest bullies ever in the schools gf. she likes to pick on me the most in that class well better get to hell... I walk into the calss room and I see carens eyes focus on me she shouts "hey look what the janitor brought in his trash from the bump" god how much I wanted to punch her this happened every day the same thing with her istg I will snap one day. the class is usally over quick so I can get away as quick as I can from carl yep carens bf. I ran out the class quick to the toliets. like I always do I got out my phone and texted friends I suddenly realised I was 30 mins late for lesson shit their gonna be looking for me I thought. I quickly ran out and as stealthy as I could I snuck outside to sit outside for a bit take my mind of shit. 30 mins later class was over I went inside as u can notice I don't like to fucking eat... for reasons anyways I told a teacher I felt sick and they let me go home early mostly bc of my mental health problems but I don't think much of that. I walked home and sat on my bed in the lonely house I then lied down and just lay there for hours and hours thinking to myself then I decided to go downstairs. I saw a note on the table from my mam it said " not gonna be back for a while take the cash on the table and stay safe just gonna go somewhere with ur dad for a while where trying to make it work again love ur mother" I stood looking at the note not shocked bc this happened to many times for them even if they are divorced. I just walked back upstairs and lied in bed

2 weeks later

I couldn't be bothered to move for two weeks the same place lying there hopeless lost in my memories. suddenly a knock at the door I hear " police where coming in" in the state I was rn I couldn't be bothered. they ran up and saw me. "are u ok one said" I answered yes they questioned me a lot and I answered as much as I could then they left apparently the school sent them like tf them little fuckers I don't need to talk to Goodman police this makes me angry that I get up and go downstairs I started to remember all the bad things abt my family and my school I graded a knife. I sliced into my arm a lot of times. thick red blood was dripping of my arm onto the floor I graded a bandage and wrapped it round good enough. I stood their thinking and looking at the window I walked toward it......