My Poems Of Unrest

unfinished thoughts

i think i do good deeds sometimes
but i am selfish if i am too consider it as so

there are so many thoughts circulating in my head that i can't process what i am trying to say

I realized that no one really ever takes me seriously

i feel comfortable again because ive relearned how to love instead of learning how to resent myself and the rest.

i could feel how much they appreciate their presence but yet not admit it. there was never a need to do so, i just was oblivious to get that validation.

trying to make myself look strong enough just proved that i am the opposite.

numbness making me blind, im losing vision.

ive managed to ruin everything. is it my fault? do I keep blaming myself for it?

i don't feel anything anymore. it's too late, i can't handle accepting.

everywhere i go manipulation already doing it's daily task of taking its regularly scheduled course.

am i stupid or ruined?

nothing to grasp on to anymore i guess I'm finally free.

pity instead of genuine love is what i get in return isnt it?

please just help me im clueless is what im doing right?

trapped in an inescapable cube of helplessness.

what happened to that girl who everyone's enjoyed her company? what changed?

why did I even bother asking? I knew that she would use it against me.

im the biggest coward I know.

It all comes back in the moment but after it just all disappears

Ive stopped myself from letting it all in a while ago.

i need your eyes to show me how it feels to truly feel. please let me in.

since when did empathizing become so difficult, so near impossible?

so oblivious to what's happening im only hurting myself in the process.

please let it be real. god please don't let me realize you were just a distraction.

and through all of that i had to teach myself how love again. how to see through your eyes.

because i allowed myself to give in, i was finally able to appreciate the world that i had taken for granted and what i had only thought a competition.

no more do i have the worries that i am unwanted. i could recognize it through their eyes.