Serve and Protect

Chapter 39

[Content warning: This chapter includes reference to sexual assault and drug overdose. Please see the end of the chapter for specific content references and take care while reading.]

Adora was pissed.

She was also scared. And stressed too.

She was feeling so many things at once, and because of Glimmer and Bow, there was nothing she could do about any of it. Deep down, under all of the fury and fear, Adora knew that her friends were just trying to help when they refused to let her take off into the city on her own. She knew they were right when they said that trying to find Catra now wasn't going to change anything: it wouldn't undo what Adora had seen in that video, nor would it close the chasm that yawned between them.

But maybe, Adora thought, it could be the first step toward something—anything—better than where they were now.

To make sure Adora didn't sneak away on some ill-conceived rescue mission, Glimmer and Bow had insisted on a good ol' fashioned Best Friend Squad sleepover in Adora's room. But if the idea was to keep an eye on her, Adora's friends had already failed. She lay in the middle of her bed, with Glimmer curled into her left side and Bow snoring loudly on her right. The soft glow of Bow's laptop screen reached out from where he had tucked it under the bed. Knowing that it was only a matter of time before Entrapta realized they had hacked into the Horde's network, he left his computer running in an attempt to copy as many files as possible before he was inevitably kicked out. From where she lay, Adora could hear the devices whirring without stopping; they sounded the way her brain felt.

It had been wishful thinking on Glimmer's part to think Adora would be able to sleep. How was Adora supposed to do anything other than fixate on every gut-churning moment of Catra's initiation video? In her mind, she saw everything in torturous detail: Lashor's meaty hand gripping Catra's clenched jaw, the horror in her eyes as he took her by the hips and shoved her back onto the bed. Adora could pinpoint the moment when Catra realized what was about to happen, and no matter how hard she tried, Adora couldn't scrub that helpless expression from her memory. Even knowing that Catra managed to escape her fate (because if anyone could get out of a situation like that, it would be Catra) didn't bring Adora any comfort. She made herself nauseous thinking about what would have happened if Catra hadn't fought back. She wondered how deeply the events of that night had colored every moment of Catra's life that came after it.

Did Catra blame Adora for not being there? Would the initiation have been different had Adora stayed?

Would Catra ever be able to forgive her?

After what felt like hours, Adora finally gave up on sleep. She shimmied out from beneath the covers, careful not to disturb her friends. Holding her breath, she crept out of the room and closed the door softly behind her.

Now what? she wondered. A stress headache was mounting beneath her skull. Maybe she would just start with a glass of water and figure out the rest later.

Adora made her way up the stairs and noticed that the kitchen lights were still on. Curious, she sneaked down the hall and peered around a corner. There, seated at the counter in her flowing violet robe, was Castapella. She clutched a mug of tea between her palms and stared at nothing in particular, her gaze unfocused beneath her furrowed brow.

"Casta?" Adora said quietly, startling the woman out of her reverie. "Are you okay?"

"Adora." Casta let out a breath. She glanced at the clock above the stove. "What are you still doing up?"

Shrugging, Adora slid in the seat next to her. "Can't sleep."

Casta hummed to herself. "Are you thinking about your friend again?"