I have been acting out again and mother says I make horrible company. I say this aloud. I even pivot expecting to see you snicker. It sickens me not to see you, our ghost is not here to greet me. Instead, the walls whisper your name as they wrap me in their arms. I want to wail with them. I look to god for answers. Have you become a coward or has he taken you from me once again? Which has betrayed me?
betrayed
I think to myself. How humble of a house we have. How hospitable are its hands. They hold me the way you wouldn't.
handled
It staggers me to see this house be so hospitable.
know, I know. I mouth and mourn again. I am infested with grief
The world still feels wrong without you.
as if you're still here. You aren't, not yet at least.
snicker aloud. That must mean the pills are working. I can tell by the lines that pattern my palms. My eyes look like they're made of marble and
knowing you won't respond. You can't, of course, but I wish you would.
I'm not ashamed. It's like your eyes are made of marble.
Yes, it's happening again, but as long as I am cautious... maybe I can keep you around this time.
I know the rules. I made them when I was younger. I know you're not and that is a fact of life, but as they say, the show must go on. I want to say more. Sometimes I want to scream at you to herald how hot hell on earth isThis time when I picture you, we are at our parent's wedding. It was the first time I ever saw you.
it occurred to me
