Melane

Chapter Nineteen: Irish Stars and Delicate Arms

I follow Mark passed my old cabin. "You lived in there?"

"Yeah."

"It's smaller than I'd imagined."

"You're shorter than I imagined," I smile lightly. He smirks and puts a hand on my shoulder as we walk.

"You weren't kidding when you said 'The Middle of Nowhere,' huh?"

"Nope..." We walk through the field to a cluster of trees and he sits, patting the grass next to him. I sit by him and watch as he leans back, his eyes sparkling. I follow his gaze up. The stars are just starting to appear, piercing white against ocean blue.

"A lot easier to see stars than in L.A..."

"Sometimes, I wish I still lived here," I sigh, resting against the tree.

"Yeah? I can see why. It's beautiful..." He turns to me, "Don't do that."

"Huh? What?" I stop picking at my bandages as soon as I meet his eyes. "... Oh. Sorry, I can't help it." I look down, fixing the tape that's holding the bandages on. I can feel his eyes on me. Without warning, he grabs my hand and holds it tightly.

"Look at me," he whispers. I do. "Sean, I care about you. Your family cares about you, your fans care about you... Melane cares..."

Tears form in the corners of my eyes. "I know, but-"

"But nothing," he insists, his voice deep and yet somehow velvety soft. I look down at his hand, tangled in mine. "I wanna know, Sean," his voice breaks on my name. "I want to know why."

I look back up at him, trying my hardest to ignore the tears on his face. "I was depressed, Mark, I... I didn't think... I mean, I thought too much, but about all the wrong things... I can't do anything right, I even failed at YouTube. I felt so alone... I didn't think anyone would understand me. I still don't think anyone will."

"Try me."

"I... Mark, I-"

He lets go of my hand to put his arm around me. "I won't judge you."

"I was angry, Mark. Angry at myself... At first. The anger turned to loathing, I felt pathetic... I didn't like myself. I figured that I was just an idiot who didn't make much of a difference in the world anyway." He nods for me to continue, but I don't speak, choking on tears.

"What about Melane?" He whispers.

I hide my face in my hands and cry heavily. His arm tightens around me, trying to comfort. When I manage to calm down enough to speak, I hug my waist and stare at the grass. "... She... Was just a friend at first. She found out that I... Did things... And tried to help me. We moved in together, and I was... Okay. But then I started to feel... Something. I wanted to be more than friends... But I wasn't going to ruin what we had, I mean, she probably wouldn't date me anyway, considering how depressing I am. But then it happened. She kissed me. And, well, I.. We were sitting in my room, and she was trying to get me to stop..." I hug my waist tighter. "And she made me take my shirt off and show her. Her hands were so cold... And my skin was so sore, she placed her hands on me, over my scars." I take a deep, shaky breath. "She looked so beautiful. I wanted to kiss her, and it was like she read my mind, because she kissed me. And then she ran out. I thought she just went downstairs, but I went to find her, to ask her if she'd like to be my girlfriend, and she was gone. She called me later, and said the kiss... She said it meant nothing. I just... I hung up... She called me again later, to ask for help with some guy following her. And I was still bleeding-" Mark flinches and I bite my lip, hesitant to continue. "She saw, and I ran away... I just ran. I... I came to a bridge. But... some guy saw me... And pulled me down... And I didn't see Melane again until... Today."