Becoming One Purple Heart (Formerly Purple Hearts)

I Hope you Come Back Home

(Cassie's Point of View)

I am awoken from my dream by the sound of my alarm clock and it reads 08:45 AM. I sleepily press the snooze button and I cover my face with my pink duvet cover to shield my eyes from the bright sunshine. Right before my alarm went off I was having a dream about being on tour with my band with my husband by my side. There is something about the word husband that gives me a funny feeling in my stomach. 

Five months ago today I married Frankie's bunkmate Lance Corporal Luke Morrow. I first set eyes on him one night when Frankie and a bunch of his fellow Marines from Camp Pendleton showed up ahead of their deployment to Iraq. Luke was flirting with me and though I did think he was really cute but I turned him down for several reasons. The first reason was his fellow "buddies" were complete assholes and were making inappropriate comments, the second reason was him trying to defend his "buddies" only made things worse and we got into things a bit and it was obvious that we both come from different worlds and had very different political views. 

However, we quickly moved past that night as my friend Nora learned from overhearing a conversation that night that military spouses receive healthcare benefits which I was desperately needing after my recent diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes. About a week later after some convincing and arguing Luke and I decided to get married for the benefits because I was in desperate need of healthcare and he wanted the additional pay that came with being married so it was a win win situation. Within 24 hours of our courthouse wedding Luke, Frankie and their fellow Marines were deploying to Iraq. 

The night of our wedding we slept at the motel across from the Marine base per tradition. Looking back on that night it was the start of a changing tide in our story. The dinner after our wedding with Luke and Frankie's unit was awkward and Luke and I got into it because of some stupid thing one of their "buddies" said, but after dinner once we got to our room at the motel Luke finally let down his guard a little and he showed an inkling of venerability. It was in that moment that I realized we weren't actually as different as I had initially thought and suddenly I had a rush of feelings for him that I have never felt towards anyone before and that night we shared some incredibly passionate kisses and sex. Afterwards we held each other in bed and we talked about his deployment and he explained to me how it works and what I could expect as a military spouse. Before we went to sleep that night he gave me his brother Jacob's contact information and he handed me a large manila envolpe that contained his living will which he had updated right before we got married. We then kissed again and had more sex and then he held me until I fell asleep. Thought our weeding was very short, only about 10 minutes in length it's a day I will never forget.

The next morning I awoke at 04:35 AM to him getting into the shower. I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn't because it suddenly hit me that as terrible as it might sound I was pretty sure I was starting to fall in love with my now husband who I had married less than 24 hours prior for the soul purpose of his healthcare benefits, but now in a few short hours he was going to be on his way to one of the most dangerous places on earth and I didn't want him to leave. While he was in the shower I snuggled into his pillow breathing in the scent of him which was a mix of a woodsy spice and clean laundry. After soaking in his scent a little longer I begrudgingly got out of bed so that I could get ready for the day. I quickly got dressed, packed my things and then I put the paperwork he had given me the night before in my bag. I decided that I would keep it in a safe place in my desk at home but honestly that morning I found myself praying to a God that I don't believe in that I would not have to ever reference either of the documents that he gave me. By 05:00 AM we were both dressed for the day. We packed up the last few things we had and left the hotel and then we headed to base. We drove in silence to the base, both of us caught up in our own feelings. We got there early so that I could pick up my military spouse ID card which would allow me to get onto base without Luke so that I can attend my doctors appointments, he needed to pick up his weapon, and we needed to be at the buses by 06:00 AM sharp.